Memo: To Big Mainstream Media
From: Sgt Mom
Re: Can you hear me now?

In order of no special importance, I offer the following observations, with no special expectation of having them acted upon whatsoever, but more as a memo for the record, should any of you begin wondering at your crashing readership and/or media share.

1. A glamour-shot of a six-year old child, decked out in a teensy evening gown, sultry eye make-up and glistening lipstick is disturbing on a lot of mostly icky levels. Halloween is the only day of the year that a pre-pubertal person ought to be caught dead in lipstick. That such pictures of the late J. Ramsey are now plastered all over more than the supermarket tabs, and an insane amount of attention being paid to a ten year old murder case and a bizarre false confession indicates that a lot of media people share Mr. Karr’s unhealthy fascination with same. Ick, people, really. Ick.

2. Have any of your editors and bureau chiefs realized that practically every word and picture coming from local stringers and photogs in so-called Palestine, and Hezbollah-Land is either a lie— including “and” and “the”— or badly photoshopped? Or, what is even scarier for your credibility—- expertly photoshopped?

3. Are any of your reporters, dispatched at great expense and personal inconvenience to those areas aware of a subspecies of news event called a “dog and pony show”, and are they willing to entertain the suspicion that other bodies than the Bush administration may, in fact, be producing them? That thing in the corner, over there, with the spikes in the blunt end? It’s called a clue bat. Please thwack yourselves on the head with it a couple of times. Thank you.

4. Well, after having covered yourselves with glory over Hurricane Katrina, by repeating the most horrible of unverified and unverifiable rumors, over and over and over again, allowing the most ignorant and unsubstantiated statements to go unchallenged, and allowing a lot of absolutely heroic efforts and stories to pass practically unremarked… the reason we should continue paying attention to you at all would be? BTW, my own parents were burned out of their house in the Valley Center fire. Exactly one year later, they had managed to get the concrete pad cleaned off, and new exterior conblock walls put up. They were fully insured, and had lots of help, but it’s going on three years now, and even though they are moved in and the house is complete, there is still a lot of work left to do. Please keep this in mind, when you lament the slow pace of rebuilding in New Orleans and in the Gulf Coast. Just because they can rebuild a house in a week on one of those home renovation shows, doesn’t mean it happens that way in the real world. And blaming the federal government for everything about the damned hurricane starting to wear really, really thin.

5. So it was Dick Armitage who blew Valerie Plame’s identity as a CIA employee to wossname, Novak! Well, (Gomer Pyle voice here) sur-prise, sur-prise, surprise! I’ve always thought it was an open secret on inside-the-beltway cocktail party gossip anyway, but thanks for sharing it with us peons outside Washington. I do want back every day of those three years of my life that I had to hear about Plamegate, Ambassador Joseph Wilson, Yellowcake and Niger (pronounced Knee-gere, of course) Fitzmas, and the whole pack of nothing, though.

6. Dan Rather’s TANG memos, Katie Courics’ hips… a connection, you think?

Sincerely
Sgt. Mom