From my favorite irreverent Christmas CD, “Codependent Christmas” by The Therapy Sisters.

Happy Whatever You’re Having –
Hope that the season is bright.
We wish that for you all your best dreams come true
if they’re politically correct, and not too far right.

Make healthy choices this season –
don’t be gloomy or depressed.
But if you are, don’t be worried –
it’s just normal, whatever you’re having stress!

Have a multi-cultural, gender-neutral, non-sectarian, unambiguous, ovo-lacto-vegetarian, nature-loving, sweet agrarian, non-polluting, mass-appealing, anti-looting, non-fur-wearing, all-inclusive celebration! (unless of course you don’t want to – this is YOUR holiday)

Happy Whatever you’re having –
wish me happy whatever I’m having, too.
It’s so nicely all inclusive,
and we hope it’s not intrusive
to wish Happy Whatever to you…
(spoken: have whatever you want to have)
Happy Whatever to you…
(spoken: I’ll have what the guy on the floor’s having)
Happy Whatever to YOU!