I received an email from an aunt whom I’ve not seen since my Dad’s funeral in 1978, but who recently discovered email and the viral distribution of jokes and stories. The most recent message was titled “Funny Things Kids Say to Their Grandparents”. Having brought Red Haired Girl home at nearly forty years of age, I can personally attest that it is not always the grandparents who get the good zingers about age. Anyway, here are some of the choice ones.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he
asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday He
asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.”

He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard
the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings.

As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling
voice, “Who was THAT?”

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking
this in.

At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?”

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?”

“You’re both old,” he replied.

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I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for
me, so I continued.

At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you
should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

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A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready
to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what
it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the
covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

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My five-year-old grandson couldn’t wait to tell me about the movie he had
watched on television, “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” The scenes with
the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle
of the telling, I asked him, “What caused the submarine to sink?”

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, “Grandpa, it was the 20,000
leaks!!”

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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in.

Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The
mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not
sure.”

“Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised. “Mine says I’m four to
six.”

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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
“Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
“That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”

“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es'”

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Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a
eacher.

The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what
pregnant means?” she asked.

“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home
one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s
duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No, said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs”, she
said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”