The Daily Brief

This was one guy my Dad and I agreed on. Evel Knievel was the coolest. If anyone else had broken as many bones as he had and I heard he was going to do some insane stunt, I probably wouldn’t pay much attention. Evel Knievel? You HAD to watch him. It didn’t matter if he made the jump or not. The red, white and blue leather jumpsuits. The Jimmy Dean way of looking at who he was talking to from under his brow. And that grin.

To the entire Knievel family, you have my heartfelt condolences. Your Dad gave me and my Dad some amazing Saturday afternoons together. You have no idea how much that means to me.

Okay, it’s that time of year. No matter where you go, be it office or department store, Christmas Music is being forced into our ear canals like creamed green beans through a toddler’s locked jaws. It’s the audio equivalent in my mind.

For today’s fun, what are your favorite Christmas Tunes and what can you simply not listen to one more time?

Favorites:

White Christmas – Bing Crosby

Baby It’s Cold Outside – Almost any version as long as there’s heat between the two singers. This version doesn’t suck one bit, especially for a contemporary duet. I found a new respect for Joan Osbourne after watching this, I didn’t think she had a sense of humor.

Elf’s Lament – Bare Naked Ladies

Silent Night – Celtic Woman (In Gaelic…actually I have an audio crush on Celtic Woman, I love everything they do. Give me my Bose headphones and a collection of their stuff and I’m in bliss.)

Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt (Madonna’s got nuthin’ on this.)

River – Robert Downey Jr.

Almost anything by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

The entire sountrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas (this IS Christmas to me).

Father Christmas – The Kinks

Can NOT listen to again:

Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town – Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band (Used to love this, now it gives me the wiggins. There’s just too much going on here.)

Do They Know It’s Christmas (The Original with various artists…I kind of like Bare Naked Ladies riff on it.)

Happy XMas (War is Over) – John freaking Lennon. I’ve almost caused an accident convulsing to change the channel on my car radio. I like the idea behind the song, but I simply cannot listen to it again.

Okay, let me simplify this. Just about any remake of a Christmas classic by a rock band or singer is going to make my skin crawl. Just quit already. Where is it written that when your career is taking a downturn you should try to put out a Christmas Album? A Very Special Christmas was a nice idea at the time, but it opened the floodgates for a plethora of contemporary artists thinking they could and should do a Christmas album when their careers have run into trouble.

Oh, and I SO stole this idea from Michele’s post.

When the opening to the Bowie/Queen classic, “Under Pressure” begins…I secretly hope that it’s “Ice-Ice Baby.” I’m not proud of that.

I don’t find the the new vampire-detective drama “Moonlight” half as annoying as I thought I would. I mean, it’s no “Angel” but it doesn’t suck…and yes, I meant to say that.

I’m so not ready for the holidays…seriously…I think we had some silly idea that we’d have more money after I retired and we’d be able to get all new decorations. We might have a tree this year.

I’m really happy we have a fireplace…almost giddy especially on really cold nights.

I hate to admit this because I always have taught my airmen and the folks in the classes I’ve taught, “The first thing you do when troubleshooting anything electrical is to check your power supply.” Our clothes dryer was spinning but not drying…no heat. Did I break down and find my electrical probe to see if it was the outlet or perhaps the fuses? Of course not. I replaced everything in the dryer first. My son-in-law found the “so burnt it disintegrated in his hand” 20 amp fuse that was the real problem. I’m not supposed to beat myself too much over this, but jeez, I feel like a schmuck.

I’ve discovered from hearing recordings of my customer service calls at work, I say, “Ummmmm…” far too often. I haven’t done that in years…decades even.

I’d rather spend a Saturday afternoon cooking for my family and then spend the evening sitting around watching movies on DVD than to go out and DO something else.

Over the past 4 months I’ve stopped reading blogs. The ones that I used to read every day simply don’t interest me any more.

So what are you reading these days? Anyone have anything new going on? Is there a milblogger out there who’s got something better to say than “Liberals suck! We can win the war!?”

Anyone blogging on pop culture in a fun and interesting way?

Seriously, let me know who you’re reading in the comments.

Attention callers to Wireless Customer Service Centers!

Here’s a few things to keep in mind when calling in to your cellular phone company:

If you’re calling to buy a new phone, but have no idea what kind of phone you want…look, think about it, that’s just dumb. Nothing I can say is going to describe that phone well enough for you to make a decision. Go to a store. Put your hands on it. Does it feel right? Does it feel well made? Does it fit your style? At least look on the web site and see if you like the look of the phone. Seriously, you’re going to come to the conclusion that calling in wasn’t the best way to shop for a phone.

Your bill is simple.  Everything you need to know is right there.  I’ll be happy to explain it to you…twice!  After that, I’ve already decided that you’re an idiot and incapable of understanding basic math.  Oh, and just because you’re not an American Citizen, does NOT mean that you don’t have to pay the sales tax on your bill.  Yes…it’s high…become a citizen and write your Congress-person.

Yes, we’re here to answer your questions…all of your questions…we kind of have to stay on the phone with you until we’ve explained everything that you’ve asked us. For the love of all that’s holy, try to keep in mind that we have an average call time that we’re shooting for to keep our bosses happy. Calling in once a year to review the four separate multi-line accounts you keep for your extended family because you’re the only one with a decent credit rating is just plain mean. Constantly putting me on hold for your girlfriends who keep calling you and then telling me alll about it before getting back to business is torture.

Please, please, please, don’t call us when you’re in the middle of a screaming match with your teenager because hormone boy downloaded over $1500.00 of games and ringtones last month. I’ll be happy to help you after you’ve hogtied and gagged the offending idiot. And ummm, yes, those are going to be valid charges, and no, there’s no way on this planet that anyone over the age of 5 could believe that all that stuff was “free.” The “You will be charged $9.99 for this game. Do you wish to continue?” message kind of destroys that defense. How does all that stuff fit on one phone? It doesn’t. Perhaps you want to give that phone to someone with a brain that hasn’t been fried from playing Halo 3 nonstop since it’s release.

We have absolutely no reason to lie to you about anything. If we tell you that your plan never included free mobile to mobile or free unlimited text messaging, we’re telling you the truth.  We’ve got all the information right in front of us, we know what our company is capable of.  We can’t say this out loud to you, but perhaps the gorgeous (well-proportioned) Russian “blonde” selling really inexpensive phones off a cart at the mall is the one who lied to you. Did you read everything that she gave you, or were you distracted by her hand on your lower back and just sign where she pointed?  No…I don’t think she’s still there, she’s probably in another state at another mall by now and I’d give you a month’s pay if you could pick her out at a lineup.

Dear Bruce,

Look. I really appreciated hanging out with you in the summer of ’84 at Uncle Steve’s Blues Bar and playing pinball. It’s an hour in my head that makes me smile because I never expected you to be such a regular guy. But I’m sorry…

I’m not hearing anything NEW on this NEW album. I’m hearing bits and pieces of a lot of your old stuff. Jeez, you even revisit “10th Avenue Freeze Out” on “Livin’ in The Future.”

How about a new album with something…I dunno…new?

Thinking about mowing the lawn always fills me with some dread. I mean I KNOW I’ll be much happier about the appearance of the house once I’m done and will have no small satisfaction that the job is done, but damn…the time before I do it really blows.

I never know what time is too early to start mowing…especially on Sunday. After living in Germany for three years back in the 90s, it’s just so WRONG to mow the lawn on Sunday. But yesterday was a full day with another art fair with daughter and son in law and I know my neighbors are starting to give our lawn the evil eye because it’s above their lawns’ burnt out putting green length.

Speaking of the burnt out putting green length. Are we the only ones in the neighborhood who pays attention to the public service announcements that reminds us that if you mow the lawn on the highest setting you’re less likely to burn out the roots and kill the grass? We seem to be the only people on the block who aren’t mowing a dead lawn at this point.

I don’t bag my clippings. This also disturbs my neighbors. Sometimes the clippings get on the sidewalk and I think that drives them crazy. I don’t know why since we seem to be the only ones on our block that walk anywhere.

Whenever you have a tree that’s anywhere near a power line, everyone is very interested in when you’re going to have the tree trimmed next. Everyone recommends that perhaps you should do it NOW. You know, I’ve looked at the tree and I’ve looked at that power line, and it would take a storm coming in from due North (prevailing winds in our valley are out of the the West) and some serious physics calculations to bring any part of my tree down on that power line. Fuck you, it’s MY tree, I’ll see about getting some of the dead shit off it next spring.

We have a volunteer tree growing in our front yard which was, until recently, tree-less. This also disturbs the next door neighbor who has the same sort of tree because the leaves are very small and a real pain to rake. I’m not big on raking leaves. They fall, the ground sucks them up to make more dirt. Who am I to fuck with the natural order?

Dandelions don’t annoy me half as much as they’re apparently supposed to. Kids stop on their way to school and pick them. If they’ve gone fluffy the younger ones will not just pick them but “Poof!” them into the air. This is evil how?

Exactly when is it okay to stop watering and mowing your lawn? I’ve always just waited until the first frost.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Wanna ride bikes?!!!

Do you remember that Radio Shack Commercial where the folks are sitting in Santa’s chair and one of them goes off on a rant about, “What is Bluetooth anyway?”  Okay, most of the folks who come here already know basically what Bluetooth is.  It’s a wireless technology similar to the networks created by wireless computer networks, basically linking one device to another.  There are Bluetooth handsets, that you can link with Bluetooth headsets and then your not only hands free, but you’re wireless and then even the folks doing the Thorazine Shuffle at WalMart at 2 in the morning are looking at you funny as you apparently talk to yourself.

Now…where do you think they got the name Bluetooth?  I thought it had something to do with the little flashing blue light that some of the devices have on them.  Figure the first device had one and some guy in marketing just went, “Hey, looks like a blue tooth!” and there we went.

No my friends, that’s not what happened.

The Bluetooth technology is actually named after Harald Bluetooth Gormson or Harald the First of Denmark, who’s credited with being one of the first Danes to be friendly towards Christianity and for uniting Denmark and Norway in the 900s.  Apparently it was a nod towards the Netherlands’ contributions to wireless technology.  Bluetooth united some of the Netherlands and Bluetooth devices unite with other devices.

And there you have a bit of weird trivia you can use when weird trivia is appropriate.

For the past four weeks I’ve been training up as a Customer Service Rep for a Ginormous Wireless Company. I gotta do that before I can move up because, well, everyone does that. I’m okay with that. I can’t supervise or teach what I don’t know. I’ve tried before. It doesn’t work. Besides, it’s really nice to NOT be in charge for awhile.

I’ve learned a lot in the past month. I thought I’d share a few things.

Monitor your minutes. Seriously, it’s easier than you think. You can keep track of your minutes via your phone or via your carrier’s web site every day if you want. Call the Customer Service folks. Tell them you want to audit your minutes for the last three months and ask them straight out if you think you need to change your plan. If you and your spouse are on a 1000 minute plan but are only using about 500 minutes every month, you’re paying way too much. The better carriers will be happy to help you save some money because they know you’ll appreciate it. Appreciation means you’re sticking around. Loyal customers are the life’s blood of cell carriers. We love new customers, don’t get me wrong, but the good customer who sticks around and pays his bills on time all the time? We adore them.

Go to your carrier’s web site. Most of them have more information than you can imagine concerning your plan, your phone and what you can do to save yourself some money.

Check for the companies that give you a Fave 5 or a Top 10. Think about it. There are only so many people you really talk to on a regular basis. If you’re talking to them for the price of your plan, how many additional minutes do you actually need? And the carriers love setting that up for you. It keeps their costs down if they know what numbers are going to be used most often. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know, but it just does.

If there’s a T-Mobile or a Cingular or a Verizon dealer in your area, take your business to them rather than buying a plan from one of those multi-phone places in the mall. Many of them are very reputable and have the highest integrity. Some of them don’t. Go to the brand name store and you know you’re not going to get any “extras” added onto your plan.

Check your coverage at home, at work and other places you might use your phone before you buy a plan. Not all cell phone companies have coverage everywhere. The better companies have pretty detailed maps outlining the coverage in your town and the towns you’re going to be traveling to.

Speaking of coverage, no cell phone company can guarantee coverage. Listen carefully to cell phone commercials. They’ll tell you the truth, they have “LESS” dropped calls, the “FEWEST” dropped calls, none of them will tell you they have no dropped calls. Read your contract. There isn’t a cell phone company in the country that doesn’t have a disclaimer saying that they in no way guarantee coverage or a good signal.

If you have a teenager and you’re going to give them a cell phone, make sure you buy them an unlimited texting package. Seriously. If you can’t afford to pay for unlimited texting for them, you can’t afford to give them a cell phone. You may have great kids, they may be completely responsible in every way, but you’d be surprised at how quickly a text conversation can rack up extra charges.

Here’s another thing. No company will turn off a phone or text messaging just because you’ve used your monthly allotment of minutes or messages. Everything over what you agreed to pay for is going to cost you a LOT more than if you called in to change your plan before your billing cycle ends. Adding more minutes or more text messages to your plan might cost you another 10-20 bucks, but if you don’t, at $0.50 a minute or $0.20 a message, how much do you think you can run up if you’ve hit your limit by the middle of your cycle?

Some cell phones are better at some things that others. Go surf around and read the reviews. Do you want/need fun and games and email and web, or do you need a phone that picks up even the weakest signals? Which phones give you the best balance? Do the lighter phones feel wrong in your hand when you’re talking for more than a minute?

If you are going to use your cell phone when traveling, especially internationally, call your carrier’s Customer Service Center and ask them to break down the charges for all calls you make and receive while you’re traveling. Getting your phone unlocked and buying a pre-paid Sim Card for that country might seem like the best idea, but there may be hidden fees and carrier charges that you won’t see until after you’re home and the trip is over. Even if you’re traveling to the next state over from you, make sure you have a roaming package while you’re traveling. Toll charges get more people in trouble than you could imagine. Never, ever, ever, ever, use your cell phone on a cruise liner. Unless you’re someone sitting at the Captain’s Table, you probably can’t afford it.

Be careful who you give your cell number to. You get charged for messages sent to your phone whether or not you requested them and text spam is getting almost as bad as email spam.

The bottom line is educate yourself. Do you know when your billing cycle ends? Can you change your plan up to the day before it ends if you’re going over your minutes or if you’ve not used them all? Can you get the same plan you’ve always had for less money if you extend your contract now? If you change your contract are you actually going to lose money because you’re on one of those old plans from the cell phone war days that you can’t get anymore? Are you paying for features you’re not using? Is your kid messaging a thousand times a day? Is that cute horoscope you subscribed to costing you $0.50 a day?

Shop around. You’re going to be with that carrier for at least a year unless you’re on one of those ridiculously jacked up prepaid plans. What kind of support is available? When is it available? You’re not buying the phone, you’re buying a service. Who gives you the most bang for your buck?

Not shaving before I go to work was almost a death defying experience.  I’ve got a mustache and a goatee now and I’m letting my hair grow out to see what’s left and see what color it is.  Knowing our daughter, it will be blonde as soon as she has enough to work with.  I missed wearing earrings.  I can’t explain why.
Kids who graduated high school this past year think of the bands I listened to as “their parent’s music.”

The VA is just as screwed up as we heard about when we were active duty.  I told them I was leaving Cheyenne in June way back in February, they scheduled me for my benefits physical in July and have had to forward everything to Boise and start over.

Working for a ginormous wireless that truly does promote based on performance vs tenure is sweet.  I’ve met people that have stayed in Customer Service for years and I’ve met folks who got promoted within three months.

I love not wearing the same clothes every day and working in a “casual” clothes environment.  I have no problem going business casual when “the suits” are in town.

I already have two pieces of flair (watch Office Space for reference) and I haven’t even started working yet.

Some folks really hate the war and that spills over to their feelings toward the military.  I mean wow, they’re emotionally committed to those feelings.  I have no idea how to respond to it other than to tell them, “Folks in the military don’t decide which wars to fight, we just fight the ones our elected leaders tell us to.”

The cafeteria at work beats the living hell out of any military chow hall I’ve ever ate at.