03. August 2008 · Comments Off on Your Sunday Time Waster · Categories: General

60

Click the image to try it for yourself. There’s a trick, though. It’s VERY particular about the names. For instance, it took me 3 tries to get it to take the USA. It didn’t like USA, or America. It wanted “united states.” Oh, and don’t try to give it continents or island groups – it only wants countries

h/t: Blonde Sagacity

In a fit of boredom, as we flipped through the cable channels looking for something new and/or interesting, we stumbled across the Hallmark Channel. Hey, Hallmark – how bad could one of their movies be? – and wound up watching “The Trail to Hope Rose“. The premise interested us for about twenty minutes, and then we realized that although whatever book it might have been based upon may have been a very good read, the movie was a bit of a painful watch. We stuck it out, just to see if any of our predictions made in that first fifteen minutes came true. (They did – all but the kindly old ranch-owner who befriended the hero being killed by the villainous mine-owner. He didn’t – but he was deceased by the end of the final reel.) It was just a generic western: generic location, generic baddies, card-board cut-out characters and a box-car load of generic 19th century props from some vast Hollywood movie warehouse of props and costumes used for every western movie since Stagecoach, hauled out of storage and dusted off, yet again.

It wasn’t a bad movie, just a profoundly mediocre one. Careless gaffes abounded, from the heroine’s loose and flowing hair, her costumes with zippers down the back and labels in the neckline, and the presence of barbed wire in 1850, when it wouldn’t be available in the Western US for another twenty-five years, neat stacks of canned goods (?), some jarringly 20th century turns of phrase – and where the heck in the West in 1850 was there a hard-rock mine and a cattle ranch in close proximity? Not to mention a mine-owner oppressing his workers in the best Gilded Age fashion by charging them for lodgings, fire wood and groceries, as if he had been taking lessons from the owners of Appalachian coal mines. It was as if there was no other place of work within hundreds and hundreds of miles – again, I wondered just where the hell this story was set. It passed muster with some viewers as a perfectly good western, but to me, none of it rang true. Whoever produced it just pulled random details out of their hat – presumably a ten-gallon one – and flung them up there. Hey, 19th century, American West; it’s all good and all pretty much the same, right?

Me, I’ve been getting increasingly picky. Generic, once-upon-a-time in the west doesn’t satisfy me any more, not since I began writing about the frontier myself. It seems to me that to write something true, something authentic about the western experience – you have to do what the creators of “The Trail to Hope Rose” didn’t bother to do; and that was to be specific about time and place. The trans-Mississippi West changed drastically over the sixty or seventy years, from the time that Americans began settling in various small outposts, or traveling across it in large numbers. And the West was not some generic all-purpose little place, where cattle ranches could be found next to gold mines, next to an Army fort, next to a vista of red sandstone, with a Mexican cantina just around the corner. No, there were very specific and distinct places, as different as they could be and still be on the same continent. 1880’s Tombstone is as different from Gold Rush era Sacramento, which is different again from Abilene in the cattle-boom years, nothing like Salt Lake City when the Mormons first settled there – and which is different again from Laura Ingalls Wilder’s small-town De Smet in the Dakota Territory – or any other place that I could name, between the Pacific Ocean and the Mississippi-Missouri. Having writers and movie-makers blend them all together into one big muddy mid-19th century blur does no one any favors as far as telling new stories.

Being specific as to time and place opens up all kinds of possible stories and details. Such specificity has the virtue of being authentic or at least plausible and sometimes are even cracking good stories because of their very unlikelihood. For example, Oscar Wilde did a lecture tour of western towns. If I remember correctly, the topic of his lecture was something to do with aesthetics and interior decoration, and he performed wearing the full black-velvet knickerbockers suit with white lace collars. He was a wild success in such wild and roaring places as Leadville, Colorado, possibly because he could drink any of his audience under the table. Anyway, my point is, once you have a time and a place, then you can deal with all the local characters and the visitors who came to that town at that time, have a better handle on the technology in play at the time. Was the town on the railway, who were the people running the respectable businesses – and the unrespectable ones? Who were the local characters, the bad hats and the good guys, the eccentrics and the freaks? What was the local industry, and for how long – and if not long, what replaced it and under what circumstances? What did the scenery out-side town look like? Even such details as what were the main buildings in town made of and what did they look like, over the years can be telling. Where did the locals get their food from? Their mail? Who did the laundry, even! What kind of story can a writer make of a progression from canvas tents over wooden frames, from log huts and sod huts, to fine frame buildings filled with furniture and fittings brought at great expense from the east. I had all those questions while watching this movie – and I’ll probably have pretty much the same, if I ever watch another one like it. It would have been so much a better movie if someone had given a bit more thought and taken a little more care.

Above all, if a writer can be specific with those underpinnings, of time and place and keep the story congruent within that framework – than it seems to me that you can tell any sort of story, and likely a much more interesting and entertaining one. As near as I can judge from some of the western discussion groups and blogs, like this one, writers are moving in that direction. Eventually movie producers may move in that direction as well; supposedly Deadwood makes long strides in re-visualizing a more specific west.

But they will absolutely, positively have to get rid of those costumes for women with the very visible zippers down the back.

01. August 2008 · Comments Off on Timmer – this could have been YOU… · Categories: General

I’ve recently discovered a hilarious site called “Not Always Right” where folks share stories of their interactions with customers, in which the customer was most definitely NOT right.

I’m rationing myself to a few pages a day (although I did read the first 35 pages the night I found the site). Today I came across this gem on page 67.

Fun Things To Do On Your Last Day
Call Center | San Antonio, TX, USA

(My friend worked in the phone service department of an undergarment company. One day he got a call from an unhappy woman. We’ll call him David.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to see why my order hasn’t arrived yet.”

David: “Could you please give me some information about your order?”

(The customer then goes on to inform him that her gargantuan pair of panties designated by untold numbers of X’s have yet to arrive and she’s very upset.)

David: “Well you see ma’am, the cargo plane that your panties were on lost power and the pilot had to use them to parachute to safety.”

(The customer did not have a sense of humor. David was promptly fired. True Story.)

h/t Randy Cassingham

31. July 2008 · Comments Off on Burning Questions of the Moment · Categories: Domestic, Fun and Games, General, Media Matters Not, My Head Hurts, Rant, sarcasm, That's Entertainment!, Veteran's Affairs

How come Oprah Winfrey is on the cover of every issue of her own darned magazine? I mean, even Martha Stewart gives it a rest.

Why does it have to be so bloody hot in Texas in the summer? And how long will summer last this year? How many more months of running the AC night and day will we have?

How come we were supposed to be moving beyond race with the nomination of the Fresh Prince from Chicago… and yet here we are again, having the same old discussion! But with the added frisson of being called a racist it we don’t vote for him. (Oh, yeah, and can we have a break from his entitlement-addled BAP of a spouse moaning about how hard it is to get along on a yearly salary of more than I will ever make in the next decade? Or two or three? Thanks.)

How deep are major media in the tank for Obama, actually? Deep enough to need a snorkel? A deep-sea divers’ suit and something to pump down oxygen to them?

How come anyone cares what celebrities think? About anything other than their next professional appearance, that is.

Who the hell cares about Paris Hilton? And why?

Which one of the dogs or cats threw up a strangely reddish patch of vomit, and please god, let the red color be from the reddish chunks of stuff in the dog food.

What’s Madonna’s new remaking of herself going to look like? Anything age-appropriate? She’s pushing 50, you know.

Will the price of gas go down? Would it be a little cheaper to run the car on milk? It’s at about the same price per gallon this week. How soon will the owners of all those big honkin’ SUV and pick-up trucks replace them with something smaller and fuel efficient. I remember the 70s, people – I remember this happing once before, and yes, I’d like to be able to see past the vehicle waiting next to me at a stoplight. Instead of looking at the step that allows them to climb into the cab of their big honkin’ SUV, which is at my eye level, thank you very much.

When those SUV’s and pick-ups get to expensive to run… will they wind up in the hands of people, who… I don’t know… live out in the country and really need a big, sturdy, 4WD vehicle with space to stuff a couple of Angus cows in the back?

How badly am I going to hate the part-time and regular job that I start next week at “Enormous National Call-Center Which Shall Remain Unnamed” by the next of six months? One year? Can I stick it out long enough for some of my books and on-spec writing jobs to pay off… so that I can turn in my employee badge of servitude and shake the corporate dust off my feet… again.

Stay tuned – we’ll know the answers to most of these in a couple of months. Or a year, tops. All but the one about Paris Hilton. That’s a mystery for the ages.

28. July 2008 · Comments Off on Baldilocks Gives a Helping Hand (and needs one, as well) · Categories: A Href, General

Baldilocks has a new project underway. Seems that once upon a time (clear back in 2006), a certain senator of Kenyan descent made a promise to a Kenyan village. The village school needed help, and the Senator, while visiting there, promised that help would come – He would make it happen. Oddly enough, the village interpreted that as financial help, since the Senator was a wealthy man. They renamed their school in his honor: it’s now the Senator Obama Kogelo Secondary School.

But alas, the good Senator got distracted by life and political campaigns, and the Kenyan village got thrown under the bus (a very crowded place, the underside of that bus — but I digress).

Baldilocks also has a Kenyan father, who came to the States via the same program that brought the Senator’s father to the States. Baldilocks is not a fan of the Senator or his political/philosophical beliefs, but she does believe in helping those who need help, and in keeping promises. You can read more about it here and here.

She wants to help that Kenyan village with their school. But she can’t do it alone. As Sgt Mom and Timmer can attest, military retirement paychecks don’t exactly give one a lot of discretionary income. She needs knowledge and expertise about fund-raising, among other things.

What the Obama School needs:
• Water
• Sanitation
• Electricity
• Remodeling
• Security
• Maintenance
to bring water to the school by sinking a borehole and building a water tank, erect a perimeter fence, complete the science laboratory and add much needed new classrooms, additional latrines, and a school dining hall

For the things that are in constant demand–e.g. school supplies, wages for security guards, spare parts–I’d say that a two year funding is enough.

The school’s principal suggested a minimum of 8.2 million Kenyan shillings which is equal to roughly $129,220 at today’s rate. That shouldn’t be too tough.

So here’s what we have:

• Domain name: obamaschool.org
• Email address: obamaschool@gmail.com

What we need:

Someone to assist in setting up the website … And someone here in the states who knows about the logistics of these things.

If you can help Juliette help the school, regardless of what name it bears, please do.

28. July 2008 · Comments Off on Brief Respite in the Writer’s Life Waltz · Categories: Domestic, General, Literary Good Stuff, Working In A Salt Mine...

Not a lot of time to spend on blogging on current affairs this week! I am stuck between the final edit of Adelsverein – Book 2 (The Civil War years), sending out review copies of Book 1, and polishing Book 3 (The cattle-ranching years) to a fine glossy sheen, and stuffing it full of local color and as many contemporary references and personalities as possible… oh, and doing the odd bit of marketing for “Truckee’s Trail”. One of the other IAG writers posted a tid-bit on the average sales of a POD or indy-published book; apparently the average number of copies sold is around 160-200 copies. I went back and looked at the various royalty statements for “Truckee”, tallied up a couple of other things – such as the copies that I sold through this website and from out of a box in the trunk of my car and came up with a grand total of 270-280 copies sold… possibly even more, since it takes four months for sales through bookstores, Amazon and Barnes & Noble to post. Those nice people at the Truckee Donner Historical Society just bought another box of twenty, so yay, me!

Once the final edits are done, and Books 2 and 3 uploaded… there’s not much more to be done until all three are released in December, except organize what I can in the way of exposure. The covers are all but designed, the promotional copy already done. I can even say that it’s being put out by an established (albeit small!) publisher – Strider Nolan Media. (Owner is another IAG writer and a fan of interesting western novels, having written one himself.”Shalom on the Range” – it’s hilarious, by the way; sort of Seinfeld on the Prairie.) I’ve been talking with some people in local bookstores, setting up signings – and the director of Fredericksburg’s Pioneer Museum bookstore is absolutely agog with excitement. The local historian who reviewed the manuscript for historical boo-boos found nothing more than some misspellings of German names, and he loves the story so much he is talking it up to all of his friends. Yes, it might very well work out that everyone in Gillespie County will buy a copy, just to see if I have mentioned their ancestors. The museum bookstore manager has ancestors on both sides that are mentioned, so he was quite tickled.

It will take months for the advanced reviews to be completed… so in the meantime, I am going back to work. I needed another two jobs to replace working for my computer genius friend, and the radio station. The royalty checks just are not consistently large enough, to permit me to stay at home. I applied to work part-time at a local call center, knowing full well that most people can only stick that sort of work for about six months, or a year, tops. Part-time, I can endure. The other job is with a local publishing company, whose owner was also a client of my late computer-genius friend. He had been after me for months, saying that I ought to get in touch with them, especially since the owner’s husband and partner had just died quite suddenly. Well, I finally did. The owner can’t pay anything much, until I bring in some big projects and clients for her… but there are two good parts to that: I can do most of the work from home, and she knows everyone in the San Antonio literary scene. Which means more local credibility for me… I might even get a review in the San Antonio Express News, in spite of their policy of turning up their nose at POD and indy books.

So that’s where it all stands at present – and grateful I am for all the people who have been truly helpful, sympathetic and supportive over the last two years, which have been quite a bit more rocky than they needed to be. Maybe I am just now beginning to see glimmerings of light at the end of the tunnel, not just the headlight of the train bearing down on me!

24. July 2008 · Comments Off on This Political Season · Categories: General, Politics

Okay, look.  I’m still out of work, so before, during and after I’m done surfing around the net and looking at the paper for opportunities, I catch a good portion of the news.  I watch an hour or so of Foxnews (SWOOSH) and then an hour or so of CNN (now with some James Earl Jones soundalike doing their “Black in America” promos) and if I remember what channel it’s on, I’ll catch the BBC just to see what the Brits are saying about us.  I got into that habit when we were in Germany.  It can be very…educational and it makes me feel better about being American instead of some elitist wanker.

I gotta tell ya that I’m getting scared here.  The two men running for office are freaking idiots!

Every time you turn around Obama is either making shit up as he goes along, or he’s spouting stuff that’s so ridiculous my mouth literally drops open like I’m one of my Father’s relatives who moved to Southern Missouri because it made them feel smarter.  When I listen to him I feel dumber than I did before he started.  I mean he sounds better than most politicos, but when he’s done talking I’m just thinking, “What?!  That made absolutely NO sense.”  No…I can’t give you specifics, it happens EVERY time.  And he’s starting to make John effing Kerry sound absolutely decisive.

And McCain?  I haven’t seen that dynamic a speaker since Bob Dole ran against Clinton.  And that insipid grin he gets when he’s “scoring points” on Obama?  I’m sorry but it’s just plain creepy.  I’m waiting for the 1930s monster movie music to come up.  And seriously, the clip of him cruising around with Bush I in the golf cart?  Dude…the age thing isn’t helping your case and nothing says, “I’m too old to be President.” like a golf cart…unless it’s one of those scooters from Walmart with the basket in front.

Obama, stop making shit up.  Here’s an idea, when you don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the hell up.

McCain.  Stop pointing out what’s wrong with Obama, you’re sounding even MORE like a democrat when you do that.

Both of you, start talking about what you’re going to DO about the economy, gas prices, and the four years you’re presumably going to be President.

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on Well, here’s a first (and a lesson learned) · Categories: Domestic, Fun and Games, General, General Nonsense, Home Front, sarcasm

So I get an email from a former classmate today. That, in itself, is not unusual. This classmate periodically forwards emails to me, thinking that I agree with political viewpoint and will enjoy them. She’s usually fairly correct in that assumption. Unfortunately, she also seems to be one of those people who automatically assume that anything she reads on the internet or that gets forwarded to her from a friend is incontrovertibly true.

On that, we disagree. I’m a big fan of Snopes.com, and a firm believer in checking the flotsam and jetsam of my inbox before sending it on to others. And it irritates me that others don’t do the same.

Usually, I can simply ignore the bazillion forwarded items, but sometimes I just get an itch to do a public service and let folks know that no matter how much they want it to be true, Barack Obama is not the child of the anti-christ (or the devil himself), and the little boy in the UK is not still on his deathbed and trying to set a guinness world record for number of greeting cards received (if, indeed, he ever was). When this itch strikes, it’s usually not enough for me to simply reply to the individual who forwarded the email to me and her 5000 closest friends.

Not this time. Maybe it’s because I had a bad day at work today, or maybe it’s exhaustion, or the summer heat/humidity affecting my brain, but this time, I chose to “reply all” and let the entire recipient list of that email know that snopes calls it false.

Oh, maybe I should describe today’s email in more detail? Sure. More »

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on I’m Tired · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Pajama Game, Rant, Veteran's Affairs

Just because…

I’m tired of Yahoo f**king up.

I’m tired of never getting any answer to the mailings and emails that I send about my books.

I’m tired of being treated like crap because I’m a writer and there are another ten-thousand of writers just like me (only most of them are F**king worse!) on the next bus. And that most of them seem to be better connected than me.

I’m tired that most of the ones that I am connected to, appear to to blow me off like an embarrassingly incontinent relative.

I’m tired of being stalled on payment on work that I have done.

I’m tired of having to work like a dog just to get a one-hundredth of the interest awarded to crappy, mediocre writers, just because they’re the flave of the moment. Or they have well-connected friends and fans.

I’m tired of looking at things that I should like to buy, but can’t because I can’t afford them. Oh and I am really, really tired of jugging bills. (please don’t construe this as a bleg, I am just venting.)

I’m tired of non-essential stuff but non-the less non-functioning stuff around my house that I can’t afford to fix. Like, giving the animals the vet care that they deserve.

I am really tired of Pajamas Media – my reason for sticking with them is…

Oh, yeah – I am really tired of Old, Traditional, Established Media. That’s what my reason is. Otherwise, I can’t see that I am really getting anywhere with the PJ Media association, anyway.

I have a couple of glasses of chablis in me. And tomorrow, or the day after, I will have to go into a couple of employment offices and make a pretense of being all about them and tending to their coporate needs, just so that I will have enough to fund the last bits of the Adelsverin Trilogy. Like mailing copies of same to reviewers – three-quarters of which will take the copy of Book One and never do a damn thing with it. Except take it down to the local second-hand book outlet and get a couple of dollars for it.

Pardon me while I swallow the vomit in my throat.

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on Child Labor · Categories: General, The Funny, Working In A Salt Mine...

I know its old, but still funny

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them ‘gems-in-the-rough,’ more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars ‘pay’ she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied,

“I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,’ said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?’

The little girl replied, “I will, if those @**holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f***in’ sheet rock.”

21. July 2008 · Comments Off on Sons of Martha – take it to heart! · Categories: General

Why am I still up at 05:30? I neglected my Kipling

They do not preach that their God will rouse them a
    little before the nuts work loose.

You cannot half-ass complicated stuff like Oracle Application Server. Woe.

Now, where’s the coffee?

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

20. July 2008 · Comments Off on Looking at the Past · Categories: General, History, Media Matters Not, Old West, That's Entertainment!, World

I belong to a Yahoo discussion groups for fans of Westerns, and one of the curious things is how very passionate some of the members are about their favorite authors, and western series, some of which are well known, like Elmer Kelton and some quite obscure like Amelia Bean, who wrote about the Fancher party, of the Mountain Meadows Massacre fame. Old western movies are also mad faves, everything from the acknowledged classics like “Stagecoach” and the original “3:10 to Yuma” to obscure B-movie features and movies made for television that have since sank like a stone. Generally the older stuff is held in higher regard. Oddly enough, many of the members of the group are English – at least to judge from the frequent laments about how little there is in the way of ‘Westerania” to pick through on the other side of the pond.

Like it or not, this is how we begin to visualize the past, through books and movies, first seeing these things, as if through the prism of how a writer, movie producer or TV director visualized them. The trouble with this is that the farther we are in time from the events pictured, the more of the milieu of the time that such things were created seeps in around the edges. Look at a movie like “Gone With The Wind” – it practically screams the date of it’s premiere. But as hard as the various creators might have tried to banish every scrap of inauthenticity in trivial things such as women’s hair-styles, interior decoration or weaponry – contemporary sensibilities and habits of thought are even harder to root out. Movies like “The Patriot” and “Dances With Wolves” took especial pains to superficially and physically appear authentic – but then fell apart when it came to things like the likelihood of a village of escaped slaves being out in the open, and a Union officer in the 186os going over to the wall, metaphorically speaking, to join the Sioux Indians. But never mind – it’s a story. Like “Gone With the Wind” we can overlook anachronisms and accept gaps in logic in service to a riveting and entertaining story. Well, sometimes – depending on how much of a fuss-budget we are for strict authenticity. If something that feels to us like authentic sensibility is present, though – who wants to quibble about details?

But this gets harder to do with a great many more recent movies, and not just Westerns. Something went out of our movies when many producers and directors began to think more about a ‘message’ and a movie as a personal statement of belief… not strictly as something that a great many people would plunk down the price of admission in exchange for being entertained for a couple of hours. The old studio system turned them out assembly-line fashion, good, bad, indifferent and superb, A-list, B-list, genre, serials, bios, epics, musicals and all. As one of my former bosses was fond of saying – it’s a numbers game. The more there is of any one thing, be it sales calls or movies, the better the odds that more of it will pay off… or be really, really good. The old studios diversified their releases. If a movie bombed… well, there were three or four more in the chute, so who cared but the accountants and maybe not even them, very much. Some of them which bombed, or did indifferent business at the time of release later made a better showing, farther on down the track. And some of those are beloved by website discussion groups, so here I am circling around to my main point… which was that there were Western movies made after the 1960s (to pick a date at random) but few of them seem to attract much of the same degree fanatic devotion.

Why? I wondered if the reason might have something to do with the fact that watching this show a couple of years ago on PBS left something of a sour taste in my mouth.

(To be continued)

20. July 2008 · Comments Off on A Chore You Really Don’t Want to Do · Categories: Domestic, General, Veteran's Affairs, World

1. Borrow a tall ladder from the next door neighbor.

2. Climb up to the top of the fiberglass and lattice porch roof on a hot afternoon.

3. Cover your hands and lower arms with a couple of thicknesses of those long plastic sleeves that the newspaper comes in, on rainy mornings. (OK, so those came from the neighbor, also. I cancelled my subscription to the San Antonio Express news a couple of years ago. The neighbor hasn’t, and she has bags of the damned things.)

4. Reach under the eave of the house and gently scoot the remains of an extremely defunct opossum towards the edge of the porch. Said remains are practically liquid

5. Attempt to ignore the truly amazing stench. And the squirming maggots.

6. Scoop it all into a very large black plastic trash bag and remove.

7. Silently curse neighbors who are putting out poison for the rats and opossums.

And by the way, it took several hours and a couple of glasses of chablis to banish the smell. Just thought you would like to know, in case it happens to you

14. July 2008 · Comments Off on Memo: Touchy, Humorless and Arrogant is No Way to Go Through Life, Son · Categories: Ain't That America?, Fun and Games, General, Politics, Rant, sarcasm, World

From: Sgt Mom
To: B. Obama
CC: Mainstream Media, Lefty Blogosphere
Re: The Sound of Skewered Sacred Cows in the Morning

1. I haven’t read the New Yorker in a while; somehow all that New York trendoid media’s almost incestuous fixation with its own navel kind of wore thin after a couple of decades. They will also persist in paying great wads-o-cash for Seymour Hersh to dribble all kinds of disinformation from his handlers – er, his oh-so-secret gummint sources into the world at large – apparently on the off chance that the law of averages will catch up to him someday and he will actually make an accurate prediction. So here they go, making a huge splash with a cover that has managed to become the blogosphere’s “S**tstorm of The Day” by skewering both the anointed of the lefty blogosphere, the Obaminator himself and his missus… and the so-called follies of the righty blogosphere.

2. I presume that the editors of the New Yorker are chortling all the way to the bank, having created more interest in this particular issue than in practically anything else since the cover that featured a Hasidim in a torrid embrace with a black woman. Still, if they really had a pair, I can’t help thinking that they’d have used one of the dreaded Danish Motoons of Doom on the cover. Ah, well, say what you will, I don’t think Moveon.org or the Huff-Post will slap a fatwa on their asses or break out the exploding vests at this act of les-majestie against the Chosen One, the Fresh Prince of Chicago.

3. It has not gone without notice that other political figures have been savaged in caricature and cartoons in recent times, occasionally by this very same publication, with scarce a resulting peep. In fact, sitting presidents and aspirants to that office have been savagely caricatured for simply decades, nay for the two centuries plus that this nation has been a going concern. There were early politicians of hot temper and thin skin who were moved to fight duels, and a senator of Southern sympathies who took a cane and whaled the tar out of a senator with abolitionist leanings on the very floor of the Senate in the lead-up to our Civil War… but in the main, they manned up and developed a hide of the approximate thickness of a rhinoceros’s. The very best of them managed to pass it off with a quip and a chuckle – a course of action I would suggest to Mr. Obama.

4. It is being said – with an increasingly defensive tone of voice – that no, no, no, the cover is supposed to represent the those fears and rumors being whipped up by those running-dogs of the Right, the Minions of the Dreaded Lord Rove, all those gun-hugging, God-clinging white racist lumpen-proles who are not falling to their knees and instantly worshipping the Anointed One, all those ignorant Jesusland freaks who would just redeem their horrible selves if they would only accept the changyness and obey the commands of the anointed… and if they don’t it only proves that they’re “teh racists!” Oh, yeah. Whatever. Go pull the other leg, sport, that one has jingly bells on it. Being one who actually hangs out on some of the dreaded “Right Wing Blogosphere Weblogs o’ Death, I must observe that the objections to his proposed tenancy in the White House mostly center upon a resume as thin as his skin, his choice of friends, his propensity for using and then throwing the embarrassing and/or inconvenient ones under the bus, his background as a product of Chicago Machine politics, and the whole “tomorrow belongs to me” * ambiance about his followers. I won’t even get into his search for a father figure except to note that these ‘seed and leave’ men (such as Obama, Senior) do tend to leave a lot of damage in their wake.

5. Eh, well – this is what makes an election season so interesting. It makes amusing sport, so pass the popcorn. At this rate, it may be a very interesting summer.

6. Sincerely though, Mr. Obama – develop a thicker skin. You are only a politician. Man up and take your lumps like all the rest. You are not special, and you are not allowed to float graciously above the fray. The color of your skin does not give you a pass. As MLK so cogently observed, one should be judged upon the content of ones’ character.

Sincerely,

Sgt. Mom

* For those who need reminding, here is the best “Tomorrow Belongs to Me” sequence that I could locate. It’s from “Cabaret”, and pretty well illustrates some of the creepiness that some critics see in elements of the Obama campaign:

13. July 2008 · Comments Off on The stabilizing fins did it for me · Categories: General

Well, that and this pic from here

Hours after I read that I am still chuckling.  Yes, I am easily amused.

Via.

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

13. July 2008 · Comments Off on Still More Literary Treats · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, History, Literary Good Stuff, Old West

Presenting, from Book Two of the Adelsverein Trilogy, an Intermezzo � Porfirio and Johann
(All is going well at present, the whole Trilogy is on schedule to be released in December. I am taking pre-paid orders for autographed copies to be delivered slightly in advance of the official release. Just click on the sidebar to the left, or this link)

Late on a March afternoon, young Doctor Johann Steinmetz finished paying a medical call upon a patient who lived in a boarding house on Houston Street. This was in the neighborhood of the old Alamo citadel, that crumbling range of stone buildings and barracks, whose plaza now served as a marshalling yard for Army supply trains. His patient turned out to be not so very sick at all, but rather feeling the effects of overindulgence the night before. Johann packed up his medical bag, his stethoscope and simples and departed whistling cheerfully. What to do? It was not quite suppertime and it was a fine spring afternoon. Johann decided that he would walk down Commerce Street, to the old Military Plaza, and have a bowl of that delicious, peppery red bean stew that Mexican women sold there from little stalls set up around the edge of the plaza. Yes, that was what he felt like eating, rather than the bland cooking of his landlady—something plain, spicy and hearty. He nodded and tipped his hat to a couple of American ladies as he crossed one of the many footbridges that spanned the narrow water-ways and the rambling green river which threaded the town. Here was a pathway that went along the canal, skirting the backside of the old mission chapel that now was a warehouse and once was a battlefield.
As he passed by the ladies, the older of them sniffed contemptuously, remarking to her younger companion, “Such a fit looking young man, I wonder that he is not in proper uniform, like all the other boys!”
Johann opened his mouth, then thought better of it. Why should he have to explain himself to every old biddy on the street? The fact was, he didn’t think he would have minded a uniform—it was the cause that the uniform served that he couldn’t abide. He thanked God nearly every day that he was a qualified doctor, a calling which had exempted him so far from the draft. But he had endured enough harsh words and contemptuous looks during his time in San Antonio. If it weren’t for his professional duties and a few friendships, he did not think he could have endured.
“I think sometimes of returning to Friedrichsburg, or Neu Braunfels,” he ventured to Doctor Herff once when he was most particularly downcast. “Folk know me there and they are friends of my father.”
Doctor Herff had looked over his glasses and replied, sternly, “But there is no small need for you here in the city, Johann. I need you, our patients need you. We are doctors,” he added, “Our calling is above such petty things. We are neutral in this war—and folk respect that.”
That was an easy enough matter for Doctor Herff, who was considerably older than Johann and with a long-established practice. No one looked at him scornfully or thought less of him. Johann was young enough still to feel the sting of contemptuous looks from strangers in the street, men and women alike. On an impulse, he turned aside from the street and took the footpath behind the old citadel. He did not feel like meeting any more scorn, or any more slighting comments this day. Not when it was coming onto spring, with the grass just turning green and the trees in the orchard in back of the old citadel in leaf. It was warm now, but when the sun descended, so would late-winter chill.
“Juanito!” a familiar voice called his name, a familiar childhood friend, speaking in Spanish. “Little Johnny—what brings you this way on this day of days?”
“Hunger,” Johann answered cheerfully in the same tongue. “I had thought to go and get my supper from the stands in Military Plaza.”
“Juanito,” Porfirio chuckled, “you talk with a lisp, like a delicate gentleman of Castile. They will laugh at you, all those rough men and women in the plaza!” He added a rude suggestion of what those rough characters would think of a young dandy who spoke elegant Spanish with a proper Castilian accent.
“Perhaps so,” Johann agreed, smiling. He did not mind Porfirio teasing him like this, for here was relief from medicine and his troubles. Porfirio was once Brother Carl’s stockman and still a friend. He was but six or seven years older than Johann and Fredi when he and Trap Talmadge had taught them to ride and work cattle, with the aid of a rope and a clever pony. Now Porfirio did not seem that much older than Johann in years, as he had then. “They might say the same thing of you, with your flowers—as long as you kept your mouth shut! What are you doing here?”
“You do not know, Juanito?” Porfirio’s usually cheerful round face looked unaccustomedly grave. “The date, my friend—you paid no heed to the date?” He was dressed in his customary black Mexican suit, a short jacket trimmed with silver buttons, and a flat hat with more silver around the crown carried under his arm. He also had a gathering of flowers in his hand, a spray of white jasmine, twined around a handful of tuberoses and field flowers all gathered together.
“March the sixth,” Johann replied. “But what does that have to do with…”
“I honor my father on this day,” Porfirio replied. “I bring flowers and a candle, to burn at the place where he fell and his brother found his body.” When Johann still looked puzzled, Porfirio sighed, with a look of mild exasperation. “This is the day upon which General Santa Anna’s men broke into the fortress. My father was one of Captain Dickenson’s cannoneers. Their position was here….” He gestured at the back of the old chapel, looming over their heads. “They had filled the sanctuary with rammed earth and made a cannon-mount on top of it. Three cannons there were. My father had the responsibility for one of them.”
“I did not know…,” Johann began, and Porfirio laughed, short and bitter.
“That there were Mexicans within the Alamo? For surely there were, Juanito. My father was one of them, with many others. They sent their families out of the fortress before the siege began. It is in my mind they knew they would die with all the others. No quarter asked, and none given. They fought and died alongside all those Anglo heroes, whose names are written in letters of blood and gold. This was our fortress and our fight also—all of those who fought the Centralists, who wished for our independence. Like my father, like his friend, Captain Seguin. They forget… but I remember!”
They had walked along the narrow path, beaten into dust by many footsteps. They came to the apse of the mission church, a curving wall rising out of the trodden earth and new grass at its feet. At a certain point, which Johann could not tell was different from any other, Porfirio stepped a little way from the path and waded through the new grass and sparse undergrowth to the foot of the wall. There, he knelt and laid the flowers. Taking a small squat candle from the pocket of his jacket, he struck a match, lighted it and set it before them. Johann watched patiently, rather moved. Porfirio appeared so somber. His lips moved, but he spoke so softly that Johann could not hear what he said. Finally he rose, crossing himself, fastidiously brushed the dust from his elegant, silver-trimmed trousers and clapped his hat onto his head. “So much has changed in Bexar since those days, Juanito—yet not these memories….”
“I did not know you had been in the old citadel, before the siege,” Johann ventured as the walked along, “or that your father had been one of them. What do you remember, of Colonel Travis and Crockett and the rest?”
“Not very much, Juanito. I was only a boy,” Porfirio answered, “not above four or five years of age. They were strangers to me, being only lately come to Bexar. Colonel Bowie, I knew better. He was married to Veramendi’s daughter—a gallant man with the ladies, but not one that another man should cross.”
“Sounds a little like your own self,” Johann said. Porfirio looked pleased. “What else do you remember?”
“Not much,” Porfirio sighed, a little of his melancholy returning. “My mother’s face as she begged my father one last time to come with us and take refuge at her father’s house. That was the day that Santa Anna’s Army was first reported near. He said that he would not, that honor demanded that he and the others hold their places. Of the siege, I cannot say much—for we remained within walls for two weeks or a little less. Santa Anna gave orders there would be no quarter. My grandfather ventured as far as his roof to see the red banner flying from the tower of San Fernando. We heard the cannons, like thunder, every day until the last but one. The silence, Juanito, that silence was a dreadful silence, more menacing than any bombardment. It held until just before dawn the next morning. And then—such a storm raged! A furious storm of cannon-shot and musket-fire, of screams and shouting, the thunder of horses hoofs, the bandsmen playing the ‘Degüello’! We could hear it all clearly as I huddled with my mother in the inner room of my grandfathers’ house. My mother tried to cover my ears so that I would not hear, but my grandfather said, ‘Who are you, my daughter, to keep from the boy the knowledge and the sounds of his father and his comrades dying as paladins, as heroes of the old days?’ My mother wept and wrung her hands, for she knew it was true. There were so many soldiers and cannon with General Santa Anna.”

The two young men had come out onto the edge of the plaza, skirting the newer buildings that had replaced those which stood in that time that Porfirio recalled so well.
“What happened then?” Johann asked, although he knew very well how it had ended.
“It did not take very long,” Porfirio answered. “An hour and a half, perhaps. It was finished before the sun was well up, a red sky and purple clouds edged in gold and the smell of powder smoke and fire. That afternoon there was a smell in the air of something like pork burning. Santa Anna gave orders for pyres to be made of all their bodies in the Alameda. We did not think of that at first, for my father’s body was found and brought to my grandfather’s house, by his brother who was a sergeant of cazadores of Toluca. My father’s brother sought permission from General Cos to take his body to his family. It was granted willingly.”
Johann looked at him, aghast and horrified. “His own brother? Your uncle was in the army of Santa Anna… how could that have happened?” What a silly question, he told himself—he knew very well how that could have happened. But to have two brothers on different sides, and one to find the others’ body on the battlefield— that was a horror which reduced his own uncomfortable situation to something endurable.
“Ah, Juanito,” Porfirio sighed with infinite melancholy, “they were both good men, men of honor and honesty and the highest ideals —which led them onto different roads. That is the thing, you see. We are not as like to each, indistinguishable as ants in a nest. Men of honor may yet take different roads for good and honest reasons.” He looked very shrewdly at Johann. “In the end, what matters is that an honorable man does in fact act with honor. He does not sit and do nothing at all.”
“Could you see me as a soldier, instead of a doctor, Porfirio?” Johann blurted.
The other man looked at him thoughtfully, spreading his hands on one of those characteristic Mexican gestures. “I could not say, Juanito. My father, he was a clerk and a craftsman. He did not look for glory, only for what he thought was right. You should better ask if you could see yourself as a soldier.” Then he clapped Johann cheerfully on the shoulder, adding, “So—my duty is done now. I am hungry also. Do we still dine at the Military Plaza?”
“Of course” Johann answered. Porfirio beamed, good nature restored.
“Good, good! The good ladies of the chili-kettles call to us. Now my appetite is restored entirely.” They strolled along Commerce Street, taking their leisure and greeting those friends of Porfirio’s who they met along the way. The scent of the chili-kettles wafted to meet them. Johann’s mouth watered with anticipation. Suddenly Porfirio stopped short as a man stumbled out of the saloon doorway and almost into their path. Another man followed the first, alertly taking his arm and steering his wavering footsteps on the crowded sidewalk. Porfirio muttered an oath, flinging out one arm to keep Johann back.
“Is that… Mister Talmadge?” Johann ventured. He could only see the men from the back. “Brother Carl’s foreman? I thought he had gone to join the Army!”
“He did,” Porfirio answered carefully, “but they would not take him. Seemingly, he has been trying to drown that sorrow in an ocean of fire-water ever since.” All good cheer had gone from his face. “The other man—did you recognize him?”
“No,” Johann answered. “Should I know him? That chap with Mister Talmadge, that one wearing a tall hat?”
“That one,” Porfirio nodded. He frowned as he watched the two men—the one with a bad limp, and his companion, who wore a black felt hat, such as the Regular Army used to wear—went into another saloon, a little farther along. “He is no friend to the Patrón, so why would be drinking with the Patrón’s man as if they were the best of friends? This is not good.” He looked very earnestly at Johann. “I do not like this, Juanito.”

11. July 2008 · Comments Off on The Lost DaVinci · Categories: A Href, General, Science!, Technology

Or is it just hidden?

There’s some interesting stuff going on over in Italy, related to discovering artworks that have been painted over. Technology continues to amaze me (I’m easily amazed, but even so…).

Seems that once upon a time, DaVinci began a mural – a battle scene. For centuries, common wisdom was that he’d been unsatisified with his efforts, and destroyed the mural, and it was painted over by another artist, Giorgio Vasari. But in 1977, a young art apprentice was inspecting Vasari’s frescoes, and found two words painted near the top of the wall: “Cerca Trova.” The words were practically invisible from ground level. They translate to “Seek: You will find.”

Skeptical colleagues discounted the discovery. Yet they were the only words on the six enormous frescoes that cover the walls today. To Dr. Seracini, it could mean only one thing: The da Vinci mural must still be there, concealed behind Vasari’s paintings. “We are talking about the masterpiece of the masterpieces of the Renaissance,” says Dr. Seracini, “way more important than The Last Supper or the Mona Lisa.”

Da Vinci and those who commissioned the work left no direct account as to why the master gave up on the mural. Whatever its technical flaws, the painting’s inventiveness and savage passion dazzled artists throughout Europe for a half century before it disappeared from view. “One writer at the time says it is the most beautiful thing in existence, twice as beautiful as the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel,” says Syracuse University art historian Rab Hatfield, a member of the Italian commission overseeing the project.

Dr. Seracini, a professor at the University of California, San Diego, wasn’t the first art scholar to be seduced by the mystery of Leonardo’s missing mural. No one, however, has pursued it with such technical acumen.

Not long ago, art conservationists had only a trained eye to guide their work. Today, sophisticated scientific techniques are becoming part of every art expert’s tool kit. This spring in Vienna, for instance, restorers relied on X-ray fluorescence to analyze the solid gold of a priceless 16th Century sculpture. In France, University of Michigan physicists probed the walls of a 12th Century chapel with nondestructive terahertz beams. In Pittsburgh, NASA scientists used molecules of atomic oxygen to wipe a Warhol painting clean of the lipstick smear left by a vandal’s kiss.

Since that discovery in 1977, Seracini has made use of every technological advance to pursue his search for the DaVinci mural. That search will culminate next year, using a portable neutron-beam scanner that is still in development. Seracini is hopeful the hidden DaVinci will be found.

I hope so, too.

source

10. July 2008 · Comments Off on Kinder-Eggs and Other Delights · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

Blondie stopped to make some cold-calls for her employer, the small company who installs permanent shade structures, on our way back from the bank this morning. She initially wanted to stop at a Dairy Queen on Thousand Oaks who had an outdoor patio without a shred of shade to it… really, why would someone want to sit on a hard metal or concrete bench and eat their burgers, fries and slurpee out in the broiling hot sun? And there were trees all around all the other shops in this particular little strip mall… so why wouldn’t they consider investing in a permanent metal structure holding a stout and colorful weather-proof canvas shade over the patio area.

The middle of this parking lot was like a pocket park in a European city; fenced off with that fancy metal fence, shaded with lots of trees and a little pavilion in the middle, which had one particularly Texas element to it. It had one of those misters all around the edge of the roof – it’s supposed to make it a little cooler, sitting underneath. I guess it’s just dry enough here to evaporate the mist and make it seem cooler. But it’s not really a park for humans – it’s for dogs. Actually, the place is a dog day-care center. And to judge by all the dogs who were romping in it, it seems to be pretty popular. Anything to keep a large pet from getting bored, neurotic and destructive, I guess. The Lesser Weevil wreaked a path of destruction during that time that I had to leave her to go out to a regular job. I guess taking them to doggie day care is still less expensive than having them shred the back yard and eat the porch furniture

But this place had another delight – a grocery/deli/meat market specializing in Middle Eastern foods. Blondie was ecstatic, and I was pretty impressed – here’s were I would go if I really wanted large quantities of Indian spices, and things like lavash bread and pickled garlic. They had huge bricks of Bulgarian feta cheese and all sorts of wonderful foods, breads and candies that we hadn’t seen in simply ages, imported from Greece, Bulgaria, Syria, India and Pakistan.

Like Kinder-Eggs. Blondie loved them, when her best friend in Spain – whose family had previously been stationed in Germany – fell on them in the little San Lamberto candy store with cries of happy delight. It was the only kind of chocolate that Blondie really liked. Kinder-Eggs are sort of the German version of Cracker-Jack, only the toys are a whole heck of a lot nicer and you aren’t picking out popcorn hulls from between your teeth. For those who have never encountered them, they are a foil-wrapped chocolate confection the size and shape of a jumbo hens’ egg – a thin milk chocolate layer with a very thin pseudo white-chocolate layer inside… and inside the hollow chocolate eggshell is a plastic capsule about an inch and a half long and an inch in diameter with a small toy of some kind inside – which usually has to be assembled. Blondie bought a pair, which we ate in the parking lot. She says they tasted as good as ever. Her toy was a little squid, which once assembled, squirts about a teaspoon of water. The store was deserted; we were the only shoppers. The owner says this is his slow time, when all of his customers go home to wherever for the summer. But he says things will pick up in the fall. I hope so – it’s a dandy specialty grocery store. It’s called the Taj Mahal. Can’t miss it, as it’s right behind the dog park.

Not a bad way to spend a Thursday morning, actually.

09. July 2008 · Comments Off on Obamanation · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Politics, Rant, sarcasm, Veteran's Affairs

Sorry, I knew I promised way back when not to indulge in juvenile name-calling when it came to this years election campaign, but that was just too rich to pass up, too much like a dense and fudgy slab of Mississippi Mud chocolate tart with pecans, whipped cream and a whole real maraschino cherry, on top, the kind with a stem and a real seed pit in the center – temptation, I can resist anything but temptation.

I will say this for Mr. Hopey-Changey-Chicago-Machine-Pol – he is at least a bit more personally charming than John Kerry, who alas, came off as an unfortunate cross between Lurch and Eddie Haskell. I still wish I could reach out and give the mother of all dope-slaps to whichever of his strategist-minions suggested that he make his military service the centerpiece of his campaign, lo these four years ago. I am still cringing at that awful salute that he rendered. God, the Air Force gets all kinds of stick for sloppy salutes, but that one of his took the absolute cake. And as for reminding everyone of how he made his first political bones? Way to go, people. I couldn’t find a single Vietnam-era military vet in San Antonio who didn’t despise him so much for his part in Winter Soldier and other anti-war follies that they could hardly say his name without adding some serious bad language. Or at least, making a face like they had just bitten into a breakfast taco and discovered a palmetto but into it. However – water under the bridge, people, water under the bridge. Now we are faced with a gorgeous, well spoken well-connected and charming empty suit. It doesn’t help that his most prominent military affairs advisors appear to be Wesley Clark (better known as Weasely and worse to those who served with and under him) and Merrill McPeak, the very mention of whose name still makes NCOs who served during his tenure spit nails, not the least for his pet project – the new Air Force Uniform (ta-dah! – god, what a dog, and we would have had to buy it, too!) To steal a phrase; of all the possible advisors on matters military, I think that the Obama campaign has hit upon the two most likely former general officers to make military veterans run screaming. That takes a kind of genius, really. A warped genius… and has anyone seen Karl Rove, recently!!!???

Obama is an empty suit, albeit a beautifully tailored one. As long as the suit is reading off the teleprompter, and dazzling with it’s considerable charm and piquancy, distracting attention from the fact that it’s resume is as slender as Callista Flockhart’s thighs – no, I do not care for Mr. Obama. Or his friends, his resume, his pathetic father-abandonment issues, his irritatingly resentful wife, his propensity for throwing friends, family, staff and allies underneath the metaphoric bus. There are so many people under it now, it must be jacked up like one of those pick-up trucks that you need a tall ladder to climb into. I am allergic to demagoguery, to charming people who say whatever they need to say to one audience -  mostly airy promises – and something else to the next audience, and then get their well-tailored knickers in a bunch when asked searching questions about whatever it is that they have said.

Still, there are more lawn-signs and bumper stickers out for him than there ever were in my neighborhood for M. Kerry, four years ago. It’s going to be a long summer?

07. July 2008 · Comments Off on Jezzie Has Two Daddies · Categories: Ain't That America?, Critters, Domestic, General

And other animal adventures …

Jezebel the kitten has now achieved a whole three pounds, weight-wise. We have had begun weighing her on the bathroom scale, rather than the kitchen scale which only goes up to two pounds anyway. Of course, to us who see her constantly, she looks about the same as ever: a cute, small, immature feline, tortoise-shell in color and with eyes which still look sort of a muddy grey-shading-to-green. She is comfortable with the dogs, but still a little nervous when encountering the Lesser Weevil at ground level. Three pound kitten, seventy-pound boxer-pit mix – who would win that encounter? Given the size differential, I’d be nervous myself.

Otherwise she is bold to the point of being brash, friendly and affectionate to all humans. The instant she is picked up, she begins to purr like a small electric engine. She spends those evenings when Blondie is watching television, curled up on Blondie’s chest like a little cat-fur collar. We speculate that it is because she likes the sound of a human heart-beat. Perhaps it is as comfortable to other infant mammals as it is to babies, the sound of that heartbeat. She also has an enormously long tail, proportional to the rest of her – and with an endearing kink in the end. Why do certain cats have kinks in their tails – surely it wasn’t caused by an injury? We speculate that there may not have been room in the womb for all of Jezzie’s tail – sheer lack of space forced it into a slight bend.

She has formed, as expected, a comfortable bond with Percy. They were both detected last night, curled up comfortably together on a chair seat, while Percy washed her, with loving and careful attention to her ears. Well, we always have thought of him as our little gay hair-dresser cat. Sammy, the faded flame-point Siamese with the gammy leg has also been detected in a playful mood with her; rather like a crotchety old uncle deigning to pitch baseballs for the edification of the junior set. He does not do it with good grace or for very long, but these actions are promising. The other cats couldn’t care less – all stodgy dignity in the face of kitten impudence.

We did another dog-retrieval this weekend; this one considerably prolonged because of the holiday. The subject in question had a rabies-tag on the collar, but the clinic where it had been issued was closed over the long weekend. Our neighbor Judy captured him; a stray which made himself notable all along the street for his size – which was enormous – and his friendly demeanor – which was unmistakable to all, and the fact that no one recognized him. That’s the thing about neighborhoods; within a certain radius, everyone will recognize a familiar dog, especially a big one which most likely, has to be taken for walks. She couldn’t keep him at her house, her three cats would go absolutely ape-shit at being forced to share quarters with a very large dog. Not that any of ours would have been all that happy, just that they have become inured to it. Blondie thought at first that we could keep him in the back yard; he was a large, leggy dog with ears that stuck out like Yoda’s. He looked like a German shepherd mixed with generous lashings of Doberman and god knows what else. Just what you want to introduce to a houseful of other cats and dogs! We called him ‘Yoda’ or alternately ‘Big Boy’ – neither of us really wanted to prod his nether regions to see if he had been neutered or not, but that was unnecessary, for he turned out to be the original metrosexual dog. Terribly gentlemanly, affectionate, obedient and well-behaved – wussy, even. If he were a human, Madonna would never even consider dating him. As it turned out, he was terribly frightened of thunderstorms. One rolled in, on Saturday afternoon, and he plastered himself against the slider door and trembled so awfully that the whole end of the house shook. We relented and let him, holding our breath. Not to worry – everyone behaved themselves, although Jezzies’ tail swelled up like a bottle-brush and she shot all the way up the curtain in the den doorway to the top and sat there for I don’t know how long. He slept for two nights in the corner of my room, although the Spike was loudly indignant about this. Like a true gentleman, Yoda/Big Boy – whose real name turned out to be ‘Doofus’ restrained himself from slaughtering her. It turned out that he had run away from his home on Friday evening, after being so terrorized by the sound of fireworks that he took out a good chunk of the backyard fence in his haste to depart.

His owner had spent the whole weekend looking for him – but since the place where he lived was a subdivision a good way away up the Nacogdoches Road – without luck. Always nice to return a pet to its rightful person, especially when it’s a dog which has gone a considerable distance from where it was lost. The larger ones do that; the first year that we lived here, we retrieved an elderly golden lab named Tommy who had been missing for two weeks and from five miles away after being panicked by a thunderstorm. But we will have to go around tomorrow and tear down all the posters that we put up, in this neighborhood and the next one over. No way would I ever call the city pound for an animal that I have found, not when I know that they are for the gas within three days of being picked up.

07. July 2008 · Comments Off on “Joseph never came home.” · Categories: General

PFC Joseph Dwyer passed away recently. If the name means nothing, the picture might – remember this one?

pfc dyer and Ali

He enlisted in the Army on 9/13/2001, and was in the 3rd Inf Div during the early days of the war. The wounds he received there, while never visible, resulted in his death on June 28, at the age of 31. It was a sad end for a brave man.

“He loved the picture, don’t get me wrong, but he just couldn’t get over the war,” his mother, Maureen Dwyer, said by telephone from her home in Sunset Beach, N.C. “He wasn’t Joseph anymore. Joseph never came home.”

Godspeed, PFC Dwyer. I hope that you have found peace at last.

h/t Kim DuToit

06. July 2008 · Comments Off on In which I propose new unit of classifcation: A passel of Cliff Clavens · Categories: General

A passel of Cliff Clavens: A group of individuals delivering a meaningless trivia of suspect value or veracity.


What we have here is ‘Cultural Context’.

Usage:
The members of the school board are a passel of Cliff Clavens.

The X Studies department at UW? A passel of Cliff Clavens.

cliff_claven.jpg
Add it to your vocabulary, make John Ratzenberger a happy man.

First known use of the phrase, here, by ElamBend.

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

04. July 2008 · Comments Off on Rodger Young · Categories: General

Shines the name of Rodger Young …

“Come back here!”  The Lieutenant shouted.  “It’s suicide.”  The young private ignored the lieutenant’s concern.  If someone didn’t knock out that enemy gun, the entire patrol would probably die.  “Come back Private Young….THAT’S an ORDER!”  The lieutenant shouted again.

For a moment the young private paused, turned to look back at his lieutenant….and smiled.  “I’m sorry sir,” he said.  Then he smiled again.  “You know sir, I don’t hear very well.”  And then Rodger Young turned away from his lieutenant to continue crawling forward.

Rodger Wilton Young – wikipedia.

Young, Rodger W. – Medal of Honor citation.

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

04. July 2008 · Comments Off on Fourth of July on the Frontier · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, History, Literary Good Stuff, Old West

(From the final chapter of Book 1 of “Adelsverein- The Gathering; how they celebrated the Fourth on the Texas frontier in the mid 1850s)

Letter from Christian Friedrich Steinmetz, of Fredericksburg, Texas to Simon Frankenthaler, goldsmith of the city of Ulm, written in the first week of July, 1853:

…This week we celebrated the 4th of July in a grand style. Son Hansi and his family and their neighbors from Live Oak Mill joined together and paraded into town on horseback and in many wagons, with a beautifully embroidered banner at their head. They were joined as they approached Fredericksburg by others from the outlaying district around, and rode in proper order to the Market Square, where they were greeted by the City Club members, with music and many cheers. A little later, the people from the northern settlements arrived, carrying a beautiful Texas flag! This had a large five-pointed star with the words “Club of the Backwoodsmen” embroidered all around. The flag bearer was dressed in a blue denim shirt and trousers, which all agreed was an excellent representation of a true backwoodsman, although Son Carl looked very amused. A welcoming speech was given and then the procession moved through our city. First the club presidents, then the musicians on a long wagon, then the flag-bearer with the flag of the Live Oak club leading their member, then the City Club flag and their members and the backwoodsmen. Everyone was mounted on horseback— or in wagons; a huge parade which made much dust—, before we proceeded to an open meadow some few miles away. Many other people had assembled there, for it had all been planned beforehand. We formed a great square, while the Declaration of Independence was read in English first, and then in German. We set up tents, more than thirty of them, where families served refreshments to their friends. The shooting club held a target-shooting match and there was an orchestra for the young people to dance. At odd times during the day there were more shooting matches, foot-races and jumping matches. The winners had to pay for wine, which was enjoyed very much by all. In the afternoon there were more speeches, and after that a grand polonaise. This happy revelry lasted until nearly sunrise the next morning, when we all drank hot coffee. It was a most congenial gathering; you may be sure, a meet and proper celebration of the anniversary of our new country. In the main and in spite of the tragedies that attended my journey here, I am glad and grateful to have been afforded the chance to see my children and grandchildren build a free and prosperous future.

Your old friend,
C.F. Steinmetz

This and the other books of the Adelsverein Trilogy will be available in December, 2008 – although I am taking pre-orders here, for autographed copies of all three books, to be delivered just before the official release date

03. July 2008 · Comments Off on Small Town · Categories: General

You know you live in a small town when the lead item on ‘Channel 5 News at 10‘ is a live broadcast from the Fourth of July [1] fireworks show.

“And the fireworks keep getting bigger and better as the show goes on!  Now back to you, Jim.”

Why yes, yes they do.  In other news, the longer you stand in the rain, the wetter you get. [3]

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

[1] Only in the big city of Appleton would they do the Fourth of July show on the 3rd.  On a Thursday.  In the smaller [2] cities of Menasha and Neenah we’re doing our show on the 4th, as God and George Washington intended.

[2] And clearly superior.

[3] On the other hand, it sure beats hearing about a triple-murder drive-by shooting, or the shenanigans of our Elected Officials.

30. June 2008 · Comments Off on The Food of the Gods · Categories: Ain't That America?, Critters, Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, World

Owing to a particular circumstance – that of Blondie’s boss having a pair of sons who were very into 4-H activities this past year, both of whom raised prize-winning pigs – our freezer is filled with the most delectable assortment of pork products. It seems that part of the whole scheme for students of the agricultural arts in raising such animals … is to partake of the resulting bounty. (Er… they are being raised to provide that sort of thing; ham, chops, bacon, the rest. The kids who do this are perfectly clear on the concept, as was my Granny Jessie, raised on a Pennsylvania farm at the beginning of the last century. Charlotte’s Web aside, farm pigs weren’t intended to be pets, as clever and endearing as they tend to be.)

Anyway, Blondie’s bosses’ family freezer quite overflowed with their share of two pigs, so a portion has been passed on to us, and oh, my! Chops, sausage, thick-cut cured bacon, ham slices, back ribs and a roast which we have already cooked in the slow cooker with two cans of Rotel tomatoes and green chilis for burritos. All of it delectable, succulent, flavorful… the sausage has very little fat in it and the ham? The ham is perfectly divine, unlike anything else I’ve ever eaten, although Honey-Baked does come close in hammy perfection. Believe me, all this will be portioned out and used in recipes which will show it all off to best effect. Should the house catch fire, mine and Blondie’s first thoughts will be for rescuing the pets, my computer, the Yoshida prints… and the contents of the freezer.

This is what the farm-raised stuff must have tasted like, and what the expensive, organic specialty ordered meats must be like, the stuff that I cannot afford, at least until “Adelsverein” and “Truckee’s Trail” are way, way farther up in the Amazon sales ranking than they are at present. In the early 19th century, pork was the meat of American choice, rather than beef – and now I know why. Food of the gods, people, food of the gods!

27. June 2008 · Comments Off on Watch your back · Categories: General
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He (Patton) rammed a submachine gun into the belly of a soldier collapsed from exhaustion on a North African beach, waking him suddenly to his explanation.

I know you’re tired. We’re all tired. That makes no difference. The next beach you land on will be defended by Germans. I don’t want one of them coming up behind you and hitting you over the head with a sockful of shit.

That “sockful of shit” brought reality home more certainly than any other weapon he could have mentioned.

From ‘The American Tradition‘ by John Greenway

From the always interesting Military Motivators.

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.