To: Ms Sheehan and Friends
From: Sgt Mom
Re: Thinking Ahead

1. It seems that there are a lot of you out there with an enormous, throbbing hard-on to recreate those golden days of yore, those glorious patchouli-scented, Ho-Ho-Ho-Chi-Min chanting, drug-addled, socially-conscious days of freewheeling protests, days of rage and nights of long-haired hippy chicks getting it on with equally long-haired, sensitive draft-dodging musicians. OK, fine, everyone needs a hobby, but most people that in love with the past eventually hook up with a re-enactors group.

2. I will, however, accept that you mean well, and are acting from the best of intentions, but cannot help recalling the proverbial paving materiel of the access route to the infernal regions.

3. Should you be successful in infantilizing our volunteer military, and returning them from Afghanistan and Iraq to the bosoms of their families, from whence they were ripped by the brutal, unfeeling minions of the BushhitlerchimpAshKKKroftEvilOverlordRove conspiracy, repercussions in Afghanistan and Iraq will in all likelihood mirror those events which followed upon withdrawal of American troops and American support from South Vietnam.

4. In the interests of effective long-term planning, I urge that consideration of a refugee resettlement project become part of your “bring the troops home” campaign.

5. A comprehensive listing of those Iraqi and Afghan citizens who would be most endangered by an American withdrawal should be drawn up, to include (but not limited to) members of the current government, members of the military and police, the intelligentsia, minority clergy, employees of the American military and civil establishment, and their families. While the actual evacuation plan would be contingent upon actual events, and would probably fall to our military in any case, consideration should be made of where to position the initial reception camp. Ideally, it should be in-theater, situated in the territory of a friendly country.

6. Your input is also solicited on where to site the main refugee camps within CONUS, and on the processes for resettling families permanently in cities and towns across the USA— ideally in locations which as of this date, do not have good Persian or Afghan restaurants. Volunteers will be needed both at the grass-roots level, and to lobby Congress to set aside the funds for a refugee resettlement effort. This is a responsibility which should not be shirked, although it probably will, if past performance is any indication. At least you can say afterward that you tried.

7. Finally, if it is all about the $#%*#@!! oil, why did I just pay 2.53 a gallon for mid-grade last week, when I filled the tank of the VEV?

Sincerely
Sgt Mom