Having survived Thanksgiving (we only had eleven guests this year), the only specific plans I had for the long weekend were to go to the annual Wal-Mart Friday blitz and to get Windows installed on Red Haired Girl’s Mac Mini. The first went well; the second is, shall we say, a work in progress with the results (or status) to be reported in another post.

First let me say that I have a typical guy attitude about shopping – I hate it. I prefer gouging out my eyeballs with a dull spoon to walking up and down the aisles on the watch for some widget that would be just perfect for (fill in the name here), particularly during Christmas season when the legions are out with the same mission. However, about three years ago Real Wife talked me into going to Wal-Mart for the Black Friday sale. I was hooked. It isn’t really shopping because, per the terms of my agreed participation, we walk in with a list, reconnoiter, develop a plan, execute said plan (ruthlessly if need be), and leave. We then go to a local diner for steak (very rare) and eggs. This year, unfortunately, Wal-Mart and the local diner did not coordinate, with the result that the former started the sale an hour earlier, and the latter did not adjust their schedule accordingly. Hence, no bloody steak and eggs. Nonetheless, we were 100% effective in securing the sale items we wanted. My specific task was to snag a Symphonic 20” LCD TV ($248) for the kitchen, which is where I watch 98% of the time. I located the pallet with the TVs and secured my outpost at 04:30 hrs. Enemy forces began forming almost immediately, while I studied each new arrival to establish whether they would be a threat or not in order to adjust my tactics accordingly. I had a fresh buzz cut for the occasion (it helps to look like a potentially violent criminal). This year, a cowboy walked up and, in a pleasant conversational tone, told me that he wanted two of them. I laughed and said “Fine, but this one right here is mine”, all the while giving him that penetrating look that drill sergeants use to such great effect. He got the message.

At about 04:45 hrs an assistant manager showed up with a radio and started marshalling associates to the scene. Apparently their tactical assessment was that the two main hot spots would be the LCD TVs and the $148 computers (Celerons for God’s sake – there’s a sucker born every minute). So the assistant manager tells the associates to have their box cutters ready to remove the plastic wrap, and the customers to stand back so that, once cut, they could unwrap the pallet. Yeah, right. After standing there for 30 minutes with my hand on my TV, I’m going to step back. Meanwhile, the cowboy has a pocket knife out and is discreetly cutting the wrap, which was a real help because I forgot mine and I didn’t want to have to chew through the plastic (don’t get me wrong, I would have). So, there we are, everyone watching the assistant manager and waiting for him to announce that the sale was on. 05:00 arrives, everyone is getting restless, and he’s got his ear to the radio and reporting that he has not received instructions to proceed. It’s now 05:01, at which point I can see the other specials being grabbed by the crowd. I asked our group to vote by a show of hands whether it was time. The vote was unanimous, so I grabbed my TV and loitered just long enough to savor victory and watch the frenzy. At that point, the assistant manager was excitedly talking into his radio, while the associates wisely retreated, boxcutters sheathed, to fight another day. The best part was the fact that there were actually two pallets together, the second one holding 20” flat screen CRT TVs for $68. Because of the way the black plastic wrap was applied, this fact was not readily apparent. Thus, the excitement of nearly half of those who confidently held a first tier position was completely and totally dashed when the wrap came off. Now, I’ll grant you, that’s a hell of a price (my first color TV, a 19” sharp, cost $375), but when you have hankering for an LCD type, a bulky picture tube does not cut it.

As noted, we secured all of the sale items on our list, mainly consisting of electronics. The 1GB USB thumb drive for under fourteen bucks was a particularly sweet deal. Best of all, it is physically the same size as a Sandisk MicroCruzer, so I can use them with my little Sandisk MP3 player. The disappointment of not concluding the event with the traditional steak and eggs was somewhat crushing, but I LOVE opening and setting up new toys, so we were home by 06:00 hrs.

I had a progressive scan DVD player that I wasn’t using (it was displaced by a DVD player/recorder bought at last year’s Wal-Mart blitz), so it was installed with the new TV. I fired it all up by 06:30 – and was immediately bummed out, completely and totally. The picture sucked. It was at the same time grainy and muddy, the color balance was horrible, and the sound was inferior to the JVC 15” that it replaced. Real Wife opined that we should have spent the additional $130 for the Phillips model. I was deeply conflicted because, well, the Phillips TV was not on sale from 05:00 to 11:00 hrs, and the supply was not limited. There would have been no sport to that choice.

All is now well though. I’ve determined that the picture quality (or lack thereof) is largely due to our cable service; certain premium channels are crystal clear and DVD movies are even better. It simply wasn’t as noticeable in the smaller TV. I was also able to navigate the rather obtuse menu system and make the appropriate adjustments to color, tint, etc. As for the audio, I redeployed the computer speakers with subwoofer from my home office and they sound just fine. Next stop, basic satellite service with a Netflix subscription.

I have had my “shopping” fun for this year, the remaining gifts will be ordered on-line.