(cross-posted from my personal blog, because I decided I wanted someone to actually read this post):

Have you ever had a dream that you didn’t remember when you woke up, but which then popped into your brain at a later time, seeming more like a memory than a dream?

It just happened to me (not for the first time). I was writing an email to my sister, telling her that I wouldn’t be planning a trip home until I can scrape up some more $$, and caught myself just before writing “then again, now that Mom’s back, maybe she’ll start subsidizing me again.”

Thing is, Mom’s not back. And she won’t be back. She didn’t just go on vacation, after all. But apparently, she was back in my dream last night, because as soon as I caught myself trying to write those words to my sister, I remembered talking to Mom in my dream, because she was home again. And I was telling her how much it had helped last year, when she was sending me the extra $$ each month, and I asked her to let my aunt know that it was ok to start doing that again (my aunt does all my dad’s bill-paying for him).

It’s funny. I don’t consciously miss her, but she does pop up in my dreams every now and again, and we talk, and it helps. But it feels so real, and then I wake up and she’s not really here, and that sucks (to put it bluntly).

Some people would say that I really *am* talking to her, when I’m dreaming. That she really *is* here with me. I don’t know what I think about those kinds of ideas. But I know that I totally agree with the Diamond Rio song my brother had them play at the end of her funeral.

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe