19. October 2004 · Comments Off on Memo: Anyone Feeling a Draft in Here? · Categories: General, Military

From: Sgt Mom
To: Joe/Josephine College
Re: A Slight Draft

1. I take up my club yet once again to play whack-a-mole with the issue of (cue scary, menacing music!) a military draft. Every time it is whacked to the ground, this little urban legend pops up again vigorously and undented, so please pardon the somewhat uncharacteristic testiness in my voice. I do not enjoy repeating myself, and the suspicion in some circles is that the rumors of a proposed draft are being carefully and artificially fanned by the winds of election-year politics.

2. So, pay attention, class; take careful notes for there may very well be a pop quiz shortly. Write them in reverse writing in indelible ink on your forehead or any other body part which you are accustomed to looking at in the mirror. Whatever it will take to etch the following indelibly upon your awareness:

The American military establishment does not want a draft! A draft would be like kryptonite to Superman, garlic to a vampire, like Woody Allen signed to play for the San Antonio Spurs! That is, an element not only toxic but #%*#ing useless!

3. Clear on that concept yet, Joe/Josephine? We— that is the professional, all- volunteer, extremely specialist military— have no use for minimally trained personnel of the sort which used to be called “cannon fodder”; that is, enormous numbers of men, hastily trained to march and shoot, and directed straight into the trenches or the front, or wherever. We’ll leave that sort of malpractice to the Russians, okay? It’s not quantity that rules on the battlefield today, its quality; quality that takes time to build, to standards that are demanding, selective, rigorous. The standards are such that only people who really, really want to be there have any hope of meeting them. This is not your dad’s military, Joe/Josephine, and it is definitely not your grandfathers’.

4. As a career NCO in the volunteer military, what makes you think I (or any other NCO) are in any way keen to try and accomplish our mission with a bunch of slackers who don’t want to be there? WE DO NOT WANT YOUR USELESS, UNFIT, WHINY, NASTY ASSES! NOT NOW! NOT AFTER THE ELECTION! NOT EVER! CLEAR ON THE CONCEPT, ARE WE? ANSWER UP, JOE/JOSEPHINE– I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

5. Finally, as someone near and dear to you thinks you are smart enough to be worth the tuition, you should be asking yourself: “Self, who is telling me that the draft is coming back and why are they telling me now?” You’re bright kids, Joe/Josephine. Do a bit of thinking. And when you come up with an answer, do let me know. We’d like to have a serious, life-changing talk with whoever is keeping this draft thing going. Blankets and bars of soap in GI socks may be involved in the discussion.

Sincerely, Sgt Mom

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