16. May 2005 · Comments Off on Memo: Dead Media Walking · Categories: General, Media Matters Not, sarcasm

To: Various
From: Sgt Mom
Re: Newsweek/Koran Desecration

1. Newsweek writers Michael Isakoff, and John Barry: Sooooo, an unnamed source who thinks he saw something about it, but can’t really pin it down is good enough for a “professional journalist”* to run with? Say, can I get paid for relaying water-cooler gossip and speculation?

2. The unnamed source: Nice going, a**hole. You flapped your lips to a “reporter”* and more than a dozen people are dead, and even more may be in danger.

3. Newsweek editor Mark Whitaker: Ummm, in this age of cable news 24/7, the internet and satellite communications, the purpose of a general weekly dead-tree digest of news and stuff would be— other than to consume so many thousands of acres of wood-pulp, and to save your phony-baloney job— what, exactly? At worst, your take on the news is a week old by the time it hits the newsstand or mailbox. Fresh fish and fresh news go stale at about the same rate… and I don’t buy either, at a week old.
Checked your circulation figures recently?

4. The so-called “Islamic street”: Do you guys ever get tired of being played for saps? Try some exercises in critical thinking, next time someone tells you some wild story. I realize that the 21st century may be a bit of a leap, intellectually, politically, and technologically, but the 19th century would work for us… for choice, the latter half of it. Realize that your actions make it really difficult for the spokesman for CAIR and other American Islamic groups to go on insisting that “Islam is a religion of peace” with a straight face. Some of them must be very close to OD’ing on Botox, by now

5. The Afghani and Pakistani Mullahs: No, we shall not be turning any personnel over to you for desecrating the Koran. Now, you might get the detainee who ripped up a copy and tried to clog a toilet with it— does that count? In turn, we would like you to turn over to us: The murderers of Nicholas Berg and Daniel Pearl… and those Palestinian cruds who desecrated the Church of the Nativity… plus a number of others to be named at a later date. Thanks for your consideration and attention to this matter

6. DU and the Kos Kiddies: (wow, what a name for an alternative band!) No, the evil US gummint did not force Newsweek to retract their story. Tell you what, I will throw out something for the paranoids to chew on: Just suppose the unnamed source was throwing Isakoff and Barry a totally bogus, BS story, just to mess with their heads, and see if they would be so foolish as to swallow it whole… and look like complete dickheads when it was disproved. How’s that for eeeeevvviiil? Destroy the credibility of mainstream media by feeding them tales which are easily disproved a week later! (Bwahhhh-hahhh-hahhh!) Don’t bother to thank me, kiddies, I live to serve. You want a couple of rolls of paper towels to clean up the mess from all the exploding heads?

7. *As always, those are not “scare” quote marks— they are “viciously skeptical” quote marks.

Sgt. Mom

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