It seemed like, back in the ’70s, at least a few souls in any neighborhood tavern knew a few verses for this favorite ditty. Now, it seems to be a total novelty. In fact, I rarely hear bar patrons singing at all anymore, unless it’s (gasp!) karaoke. So, I call for a revival! Ladies and gentleman, I give you…

The Song of the Temperance Union

We’re coming, we’re coming, our brave little band
On the right side of temp’rance we do take our stand.
We don’t use tobacco, because we do think
That the people who use it are likely to drink

Away, away, with rum, by gum,
Rum by gum, rum by gum
Away, away, with rum, by gum,
The song of the Temperance Union.

We never eat fruitcake because it has rum,
And one little slice puts a man on the bum.
Oh, can you imagine the pitiful plight
Of a man eating fruitcake until he gets tight?

A man who eats fruitcake lives a terrible life.
He’s mean to his children and beats on his wife.
A man who eats fruitcake dies a terrible death,
With the odor of raisins and rum on his breath!

We never eat cookies because they have yeast,
And one little bite turns a man to a beast.
Oh, can you imagine the utter disgrace
Of a man in the gutter with crumbs on his face?

We never drink water — they put it in gin,
And one little sip and a man starts to grin.
Oh, can you imagine a sorrier sight
Than a man drinking water and singing all night?

There are more verses on the site. And I’m sure there are many more. If you know any others, feel free to post them.