23. January 2006 · Comments Off on Random Rants from the Road · Categories: Ain't That America?, Memoir, Rant

So I went to see my Mom in Chicagoland this weekend, driving out Friday Morning and back today. I thought I’d share some of the random flotsam that goes through my brain when I’m running I-80 through the “scenic” Iowa and Illinos farmlands.

Attention Flatbed Drivers. For the love of GOD, please make sure that your load of empy 50 gallon drums are ALL secure before you head out on the hiway. I’m still pulling pieces of upolstery out of my ass. But ya know, thanks for the fact that it was empty, all that bouncing helped me miss it…I think…I’m still unsure of HOW I missed it.

Why is it every package of beef jerkey you can purchase in a truck stop is stale?

I have no idea why so many RVs were on the road. Isn’t it January? Who RVs in January?

Attention Country Radio. Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flats IS a killer song, but perhaps you should consider toning down how many times an hour your play it.

Attention all drivers on the hiway: 1) PICK. A. SPEED. 2) Slower drivers to the left, faster drivers to the right is NOT the recommended practice. 3) Merge does not mean I need to get the hell out of your way, it means you need to adjust your happy self into the flow of traffic. 4) 18-Wheelers are bigger than we are. That in itself deserves some respect. Considering the taxes that truckers pay compared to us, yes in fact they DO own the road, a couple times over I might add. Give them a freakin’ break. 5) PICK. A. SPEED. Yeah, one and five are the same, some folks need to be told twice.

Iowa rest stops are quite clean and well-kept, good on Iowa.

People in Iowa are very very very friendly to an old fart in an Air Force hoody. People in rural Illinois are also very friendly. This friendliness begins to fade as you get closer to Chicago.

Family members and friends who have lived in Chicagoland all their lives or most of their adult lives have NO idea what the hell is going on in the world other than Bush sucks and all our troops need to come home and lock down our borders.

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