14. March 2005 · Comments Off on Repeat of a Classic “In the Army, Now” Letter · Categories: General, General Nonsense, Military

This was forwarded by regular “Daily Brief” reader Capt. J.M. Heinrichs; it is an amusing Australian variant on one that has been going the rounds since WWII, or possibly earlier:

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland)

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm – tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack – nothin’!!

Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot
water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or
possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon, and by
that time all the city boys are buggered because we’ve been on a ‘route
march’ – geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting
medals for shootin’ – dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum’s
bum and it don’t move and its not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did
when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last
year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target – its
a piece of piss!!

You don’t even load your own cartridges – they comes in little boxes and ya
don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck
when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful
coz they break easy – it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and
Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the
platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the
Engineers – he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the
shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but
I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can’t complain about the Army – tell the boys to get in quick before word
gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,


(For maximim giggles, imagine Cate Blanchett as Jill– Sgt. Mom)

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