15. August 2008 · Comments Off on AF Cyber Command “Delayed” · Categories: Air Force, Stupidity, Technology

According to the front page of the Air Force Cyber Command’s Website:

8/14/2008 – Barksdale AFB, La.  — The Air Force remains committed to providing full-spectrum cyber capabilities to include global command and control, electronic warfare and network defense. The Secretary and Chief of Staff of the Air Force have considered delaying currently planned actions on Air Force Cyber Command to allow ample time for a comprehensive assessment of all AFCYBER requirements and to synchronize the AFCYBER mission with other key Air Force initiatives. The new Air Force leaders continue to make a fresh assessment of all our efforts to provide our Nation and the joint force the full spectrum of air, space, and cyberspace capabilities.

Which makes sooooo much sense considering that the military doesn’t have a cohesive all-around cyber defense policy.  Seriously, cyber security measures can change literally from base to base.  What drives those measures?  You would think it would be a standard set of security practices applied to all and you’d be somewhat correct.  However, what you also have to take into account is that almost every base has a different contract company taking care of their network  security measures.  Those measures may be based on what the contractor is willing and able to do for the price that the military is willing to pay.  On some bases, you may have three to five different companies taking care of the various networks depending on the security level of the network.  Not only is the security level dependent on the classification of the material on the network, but it’s also dependent, again, on the capability of the contractors.

I remember getting a call when I was in NORAD/USSPACE from a flag officer and he needed me to come over and help him with one of his computers.  Since that part of the network wasn’t “owned” by NORAD/USSPACE, I literally was not allowed to help him.  I simply didn’t have permissions for that side of the network.  I  had to file a help desk ticket for him which, according to contract, allowed up to 3 business days before it was addressed.  Since he WAS a flag officer, the contractor did put a rush on it, but still.

I’ve been against the privatizing of the military’s networks since they started.  Okay, so you don’t have to pay contractors retirement benefits and all the other baggage that comes along with a military person’s life, but if you don’t write the contracts correctly, the military can wind up needing a task completed by the contractor that’s not in the contract and you can’t force them to complete that task without amending the contract which would also mean, MORE money.  That’s right, when a new task is added for any reason to a contract network admin or techie’s tasks, they may not HAVE to do it until the contract is reviewed to see if it falls under the contractor’s “scope of support.”  And because only contractors can touch the network on some bases, folks in uniform can’t complete the task either.  And since we’ve slashed the living shit out of the military’s network specialists in favor of contractors, we don’t have them to utilize anyway.

Which, if I’m being cynical, leads me to believe that someone has finally realized that having a cohesive policy across all the networks that the Air Force “controls” means that every single one of those contracts is going to have to be rewritten and I’m betting that some Senior NCO and their team has done the legwork and given General Lord and his bosses the cost analysis for those new contracts and someone with power of the purse-strings has crapped their drawers when the reality of what a workable, cohesive, policy is going to cost.

That’s if I was being cynical.  It could just mean that what we’ve got is working just fine and there’s no need for a cyber command in the first place…and I swear to you I typed that with a straight face…after three tries.

Thanks to He Who Needs No Linkage for the tip.

You want to know the funniesnt thing for me about all this?  I’ve got interviews with two contractors in the next week for jobs supporting the military’s network.  I hope the question, “What’s your opinion about privatization?” doesn’t come up and I hope to hell I’ve got the good sense to lie about it if it does.  I need a job.

14. August 2008 · Comments Off on Bring the popcorn – LOTS of popcorn… · Categories: General

While I’m not a fan of watching political conventions on TV (roughly the same to me, as watching golf, or paint dry, or grass grow), the Democratic convention just gets curiouser and curiouser.

Most recent development: Her once-inevitableness will be ON the ballot.

WASHINGTON – Hillary Rodham Clinton’s name will be placed in nomination along with nominee-in-waiting Barack Obama at the Democratic convention in Denver, an emblematic move intended to unite the party after a divisive primary fight.

Democrats will officially nominate Obama at the convention but the state delegations will do a traditional roll call for his vanquished opponent as well.

If I were a schemer, I’d be scheming for ways to use that roll call to upset the apple cart.

These are interesting times for the Democratic party, my friends. Interesting times….

13. August 2008 · Comments Off on Memo: Telling Stories · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, History, Literary Good Stuff, sarcasm, That's Entertainment!

To: Professor Denise Spelburg,
From: Sgt Mom
Re: Clarifying Matters Literary and Beyond

1. According to the story here (which may need registration to complete the link – sorry!) you are painting yourself in colors of victimhood, now that you are being righteously criticized on line and have received a ton of so-called hate-mail, for your part on kicking up an all-mighty fuss about a bodice-ripping historical novel about the youngest wife of Mohammed. (Or would that be a burka-ripping historical novel?) Welcome to the real world, professor… it’s that place that extends somewhat beyond academia, where reactions to words and ideas can sometimes get wild and woolly.

2. In this real world, we have writers – sort of like myself, as a matter of fact – who like to tell stories to people, sometimes quite lengthy stories based on historical characters, facts and incidents. This is a whole genre out there, loosely known as “historical fiction”. At one extreme, the best of them are carefully researched and stray no farther from verifiable and researched historical fact than anyone in your own university department. Then there is the other extreme, in which practically anything goes. In either case the operative word is “fiction”… which means, my dear Professor… that stuff is made up. Created out of whole cloth. Imagined. Clear so far on that concept?

3. At least, you are well-enough acquainted with enough of that world to know that provoking the adherents the so-called religion of peace can have occasionally fatal consequences. I am cynically amused to note that in your academic world Salman Rushdie’s “Satanic Verses” is worthy of defending against threats of violence because he can, according to the story “…claim he was raising an existential, theological query, however impertinent. Jones’ book is a mere burlesque.”

4. Ahh, we see – some ideas and authors are more equal than others. A piece of light and fluffy historical fiction is not worthy of the protections afforded to the heavyweights of the intellectual world. Duly noted, Professor. You are a self-important snob, as well as being a tattle-tale and a bit of a coward. If doing a nice little blurb for “The Jewel of Medina” was beneath the dignity of a heavy-weight intellectual and scholar such as yourself, then wouldn’t a polite note to the management at Random House, declining to comment have been sufficient, with or without the back-up from your lawyer. You didn’t want your name and credentials attached to Ms. Jones’s book in any way. I – and hardly anyone else has a problem with that.

5. The breathless warning to your friend at the altmuslim discussion group was in the long term, neither helpful or necessary. In fact, it seems rather malicious; “Ohhh, she is talking such trash about you… and what are you going to do about it?” is the way that it comes off to those of us who remember junior high school pretty well. Professor, we didn’t like that kind of nasty, passive-aggressive manipulation then, and we like it even less now. Perhaps that is how the game is still played in academia these days – but again, in the real world, it doesn’t go over well. Take note.

6. Finally, I can’t help wondering if this is a little bit of unseemly possessiveness about the subject on your part. I would assume that you have a great deal invested in your visualization of Aisha, and did not take very well to another writer picturing something different. There is one other historical researcher who has done a great deal on the Stephens Townsend Party, the subject of my own historical novel. I got a very odd, hostile vibe from him, when I communicated with him – it was as if their story was his exclusive property and I was trespassing on it by imagining something different. I am grateful that I did not ask that particular researcher for a blurb for Truckee – at least he did not sic the forces of the Oregon-California Trail Association on me for my trouble!

7. I do think Ms. Jones ought to be grateful to you, however. “Jewel of Medina” will now probably sell in quantities several times over what it would have, if you had just quietly given a pass on blurbing it to begin with.

Hoping you will find these remarks helpful
I remain the unrepentant scribbler of historical fiction,

Sgt Mom

12. August 2008 · Comments Off on Still Here, Still Busy · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General, The Funny, World

(I am still here, just frantically busy – for your amusement and delectation, a story sent to me by another IAG writer)

A Texas rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Yer Dad home?’ the rancher asked.

‘No sir, he ain’t,’ the boy replied. ‘He went into town.”

“Well,” said the rancher, ‘is yer Mom here?’

“No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“He went with Mom and Dad.”

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do fer ya?” the boy asked politely. “I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.”

“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment “You would have to talk to Pa about that,” he finally conceded. “If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar, but I really don’t know how much he gets fer Howard.”

11. August 2008 · Comments Off on I Don’t Think So Froggy · Categories: Ain't That America?, That's Entertainment!

I have to say that watching the Men’s 4X100-Meter Relay was one of the most satisfying bit of sports that I’ve watched in a very long time.

Apparently, one of the members of Team France, Alain Bernard, was quoted as saying, “The Americans?  We’re going to smash them. That’s what we came for.”

He was wrong.  American Jason Lezak started creeping up on Bernard at about the 75M mark and by the end of the race, Lezak was first to the wall.

A Frenchman talking trash and the Americans stuffing it back in his face.  I’m not sure which was more satisfying, the Americans rejoicing or the looks of absolute disbelief on the French team.

That was fun…let’s do it some more…you know, that winning thing?

06. August 2008 · Comments Off on The Dark Knight · Categories: That's Entertainment!

I really can’t add to what thousands have already written and said about it.  See it.  It’s worth it.  Ledger deserves every bit of talk about an Academy Award, dead or alive.

I’m not sure which is my favorite of the summer though.  I really liked Iron Man.

06. August 2008 · Comments Off on If I Had a Million Dollars · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

One thing that I’ve always wanted to see is one place, one drive-through, one counter, where you could get all of your favorite fast-food in ONE spot.

For instance, a Jack-in-the-Box Sirloin Burger with Crinkle Cut Fries from Culvers, a Route 44 Limeade from Sonic and then a Dairy Queen something for desert.

Because quite honestly, I love fast food, I just don’t like one particular franchise’s selection across the board.

What would be your favorite fast food mash? If you could get something from all of your favorite in one spot?

Cross-posted at Temple of Suck.

04. August 2008 · Comments Off on That just ain’t right · Categories: General

Mr. Obama wants to cut us all a check for a thousand bucks, flensing the oil companies for the dough.

I’m against stuff like this in principle, but if Uncle Sugar wants to send a few bucks my way .. well I’m not going to send the check back, now am I?

I hear this is a supply and demand problem – but I’ll leave that for the guys that attended college.  But you know what?  The numbers in this just don’t seem right.

There are 209 million of us eligible for this money.  Not counting overhead that is $209 billion dollars worth of checks being sent around.

According to some smart guys at ISRIA profits for the oil industry in 2007 were $155 billion [1].  I see a shortfall of $54 billion.

Hell, I’m not even sure some of the companies in the report are even American.  BP – in’t that British Petroleum?  Royal Dutch Shell – hell, I didn’t even know the Dutch still had a monarchy, let alone a big friggin’ oil company.  You learn something new everyday.

LOLTREK  - WTF by you.

So … yeah.  I dunno where it’s all going to come from – maybe ExxonMobil can take out a payday loan or something from the Cash Store.

Minkler Cash Store by 1Flatworld.

[1] HTML version of the PDF, here.

Hat tip Boots & Sabers

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

04. August 2008 · Comments Off on Today’s Question – Aug 4, 2008 · Categories: General

How are these things different from each other?

1. President Bush provides a $600 “tax rebate stimulus check” to most Americans.

2. Senator Obama proposes a $1000 check to most Americans, taken from the oil companies via a windfall profits tax.

I seem to recall a ton of criticism and ridicule regarding both of Bush’s stimulus payments. Does that mean I’ll also read/hear a ton of criticism and ridicule for Obama’s idea?

Just curious…..

04. August 2008 · Comments Off on Bizarre Monday Musical Medley · Categories: Fun and Games, General, That's Entertainment!, The Funny, World

For your delectation and delight on this Monday – first, a performance of “Smoke On the Water” by classical Japanese musicians…

and if that doesn’t peg your strange-meter, how about the Leningrad Cowboys and the Red Army Chorus in concert?

Enjoy… especially the tractor.

03. August 2008 · Comments Off on Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Rest in Peace · Categories: General

Source

MOSCOW – Alexander Solzhenitsyn, the Nobel Prize-winning Russian author whose books chronicled the horrors of dictator Josef Stalin’s slave labor camps, has died of heart failure, his son said Monday. He was 89.

Stepan Solzhenitsyn told The Associated Press his father died late Sunday at his home near Moscow, but declined further comment.

Through unflinching accounts of the years he spent in the Soviet gulag, Solzhenitsyn’s novels and non-fiction works exposed the secret history of the vast prison system that enslaved millions. The accounts riveted his countrymen and earned him years of bitter exile, but international renown.

And they inspired millions, perhaps, with the knowledge that one person’s courage and integrity could, in the end, defeat the totalitarian machinery of an empire.

Beginning with the 1962 short novel “One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich,” Solzhenitsyn (sohl-zheh-NEETS’-ihn) devoted himself to describing what he called the human “meat grinder” that had caught him along with millions of other Soviet citizens: capricious arrests, often for trifling and seemingly absurd reasons, followed by sentences to slave labor camps where cold, starvation and punishing work crushed inmates physically and spiritually.

His non-fiction “Gulag Archipelago” trilogy of the 1970s shocked readers by describing the savagery of the Soviet state under Stalin. It helped erase lingering sympathy for the Soviet Union among many leftist intellectuals, especially in Europe.

But his account of that secret system of prison camps was also inspiring in its description of how one person — Solzhenitsyn himself — survived, physically and spiritually, in a penal system of soul-crushing hardship and injustice.

The world is a better place because this man lived in it, and is a poorer place for his passing. Rest in Peace, sir, and thank you for your fidelity to truth.

03. August 2008 · Comments Off on Your Sunday Time Waster · Categories: General

60

Click the image to try it for yourself. There’s a trick, though. It’s VERY particular about the names. For instance, it took me 3 tries to get it to take the USA. It didn’t like USA, or America. It wanted “united states.” Oh, and don’t try to give it continents or island groups – it only wants countries

h/t: Blonde Sagacity

In a fit of boredom, as we flipped through the cable channels looking for something new and/or interesting, we stumbled across the Hallmark Channel. Hey, Hallmark – how bad could one of their movies be? – and wound up watching “The Trail to Hope Rose“. The premise interested us for about twenty minutes, and then we realized that although whatever book it might have been based upon may have been a very good read, the movie was a bit of a painful watch. We stuck it out, just to see if any of our predictions made in that first fifteen minutes came true. (They did – all but the kindly old ranch-owner who befriended the hero being killed by the villainous mine-owner. He didn’t – but he was deceased by the end of the final reel.) It was just a generic western: generic location, generic baddies, card-board cut-out characters and a box-car load of generic 19th century props from some vast Hollywood movie warehouse of props and costumes used for every western movie since Stagecoach, hauled out of storage and dusted off, yet again.

It wasn’t a bad movie, just a profoundly mediocre one. Careless gaffes abounded, from the heroine’s loose and flowing hair, her costumes with zippers down the back and labels in the neckline, and the presence of barbed wire in 1850, when it wouldn’t be available in the Western US for another twenty-five years, neat stacks of canned goods (?), some jarringly 20th century turns of phrase – and where the heck in the West in 1850 was there a hard-rock mine and a cattle ranch in close proximity? Not to mention a mine-owner oppressing his workers in the best Gilded Age fashion by charging them for lodgings, fire wood and groceries, as if he had been taking lessons from the owners of Appalachian coal mines. It was as if there was no other place of work within hundreds and hundreds of miles – again, I wondered just where the hell this story was set. It passed muster with some viewers as a perfectly good western, but to me, none of it rang true. Whoever produced it just pulled random details out of their hat – presumably a ten-gallon one – and flung them up there. Hey, 19th century, American West; it’s all good and all pretty much the same, right?

Me, I’ve been getting increasingly picky. Generic, once-upon-a-time in the west doesn’t satisfy me any more, not since I began writing about the frontier myself. It seems to me that to write something true, something authentic about the western experience – you have to do what the creators of “The Trail to Hope Rose” didn’t bother to do; and that was to be specific about time and place. The trans-Mississippi West changed drastically over the sixty or seventy years, from the time that Americans began settling in various small outposts, or traveling across it in large numbers. And the West was not some generic all-purpose little place, where cattle ranches could be found next to gold mines, next to an Army fort, next to a vista of red sandstone, with a Mexican cantina just around the corner. No, there were very specific and distinct places, as different as they could be and still be on the same continent. 1880’s Tombstone is as different from Gold Rush era Sacramento, which is different again from Abilene in the cattle-boom years, nothing like Salt Lake City when the Mormons first settled there – and which is different again from Laura Ingalls Wilder’s small-town De Smet in the Dakota Territory – or any other place that I could name, between the Pacific Ocean and the Mississippi-Missouri. Having writers and movie-makers blend them all together into one big muddy mid-19th century blur does no one any favors as far as telling new stories.

Being specific as to time and place opens up all kinds of possible stories and details. Such specificity has the virtue of being authentic or at least plausible and sometimes are even cracking good stories because of their very unlikelihood. For example, Oscar Wilde did a lecture tour of western towns. If I remember correctly, the topic of his lecture was something to do with aesthetics and interior decoration, and he performed wearing the full black-velvet knickerbockers suit with white lace collars. He was a wild success in such wild and roaring places as Leadville, Colorado, possibly because he could drink any of his audience under the table. Anyway, my point is, once you have a time and a place, then you can deal with all the local characters and the visitors who came to that town at that time, have a better handle on the technology in play at the time. Was the town on the railway, who were the people running the respectable businesses – and the unrespectable ones? Who were the local characters, the bad hats and the good guys, the eccentrics and the freaks? What was the local industry, and for how long – and if not long, what replaced it and under what circumstances? What did the scenery out-side town look like? Even such details as what were the main buildings in town made of and what did they look like, over the years can be telling. Where did the locals get their food from? Their mail? Who did the laundry, even! What kind of story can a writer make of a progression from canvas tents over wooden frames, from log huts and sod huts, to fine frame buildings filled with furniture and fittings brought at great expense from the east. I had all those questions while watching this movie – and I’ll probably have pretty much the same, if I ever watch another one like it. It would have been so much a better movie if someone had given a bit more thought and taken a little more care.

Above all, if a writer can be specific with those underpinnings, of time and place and keep the story congruent within that framework – than it seems to me that you can tell any sort of story, and likely a much more interesting and entertaining one. As near as I can judge from some of the western discussion groups and blogs, like this one, writers are moving in that direction. Eventually movie producers may move in that direction as well; supposedly Deadwood makes long strides in re-visualizing a more specific west.

But they will absolutely, positively have to get rid of those costumes for women with the very visible zippers down the back.

01. August 2008 · Comments Off on Timmer – this could have been YOU… · Categories: General

I’ve recently discovered a hilarious site called “Not Always Right” where folks share stories of their interactions with customers, in which the customer was most definitely NOT right.

I’m rationing myself to a few pages a day (although I did read the first 35 pages the night I found the site). Today I came across this gem on page 67.

Fun Things To Do On Your Last Day
Call Center | San Antonio, TX, USA

(My friend worked in the phone service department of an undergarment company. One day he got a call from an unhappy woman. We’ll call him David.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to see why my order hasn’t arrived yet.”

David: “Could you please give me some information about your order?”

(The customer then goes on to inform him that her gargantuan pair of panties designated by untold numbers of X’s have yet to arrive and she’s very upset.)

David: “Well you see ma’am, the cargo plane that your panties were on lost power and the pilot had to use them to parachute to safety.”

(The customer did not have a sense of humor. David was promptly fired. True Story.)

h/t Randy Cassingham

31. July 2008 · Comments Off on Burning Questions of the Moment · Categories: Domestic, Fun and Games, General, Media Matters Not, My Head Hurts, Rant, sarcasm, That's Entertainment!, Veteran's Affairs

How come Oprah Winfrey is on the cover of every issue of her own darned magazine? I mean, even Martha Stewart gives it a rest.

Why does it have to be so bloody hot in Texas in the summer? And how long will summer last this year? How many more months of running the AC night and day will we have?

How come we were supposed to be moving beyond race with the nomination of the Fresh Prince from Chicago… and yet here we are again, having the same old discussion! But with the added frisson of being called a racist it we don’t vote for him. (Oh, yeah, and can we have a break from his entitlement-addled BAP of a spouse moaning about how hard it is to get along on a yearly salary of more than I will ever make in the next decade? Or two or three? Thanks.)

How deep are major media in the tank for Obama, actually? Deep enough to need a snorkel? A deep-sea divers’ suit and something to pump down oxygen to them?

How come anyone cares what celebrities think? About anything other than their next professional appearance, that is.

Who the hell cares about Paris Hilton? And why?

Which one of the dogs or cats threw up a strangely reddish patch of vomit, and please god, let the red color be from the reddish chunks of stuff in the dog food.

What’s Madonna’s new remaking of herself going to look like? Anything age-appropriate? She’s pushing 50, you know.

Will the price of gas go down? Would it be a little cheaper to run the car on milk? It’s at about the same price per gallon this week. How soon will the owners of all those big honkin’ SUV and pick-up trucks replace them with something smaller and fuel efficient. I remember the 70s, people – I remember this happing once before, and yes, I’d like to be able to see past the vehicle waiting next to me at a stoplight. Instead of looking at the step that allows them to climb into the cab of their big honkin’ SUV, which is at my eye level, thank you very much.

When those SUV’s and pick-ups get to expensive to run… will they wind up in the hands of people, who… I don’t know… live out in the country and really need a big, sturdy, 4WD vehicle with space to stuff a couple of Angus cows in the back?

How badly am I going to hate the part-time and regular job that I start next week at “Enormous National Call-Center Which Shall Remain Unnamed” by the next of six months? One year? Can I stick it out long enough for some of my books and on-spec writing jobs to pay off… so that I can turn in my employee badge of servitude and shake the corporate dust off my feet… again.

Stay tuned – we’ll know the answers to most of these in a couple of months. Or a year, tops. All but the one about Paris Hilton. That’s a mystery for the ages.

28. July 2008 · Comments Off on Baldilocks Gives a Helping Hand (and needs one, as well) · Categories: A Href, General

Baldilocks has a new project underway. Seems that once upon a time (clear back in 2006), a certain senator of Kenyan descent made a promise to a Kenyan village. The village school needed help, and the Senator, while visiting there, promised that help would come – He would make it happen. Oddly enough, the village interpreted that as financial help, since the Senator was a wealthy man. They renamed their school in his honor: it’s now the Senator Obama Kogelo Secondary School.

But alas, the good Senator got distracted by life and political campaigns, and the Kenyan village got thrown under the bus (a very crowded place, the underside of that bus — but I digress).

Baldilocks also has a Kenyan father, who came to the States via the same program that brought the Senator’s father to the States. Baldilocks is not a fan of the Senator or his political/philosophical beliefs, but she does believe in helping those who need help, and in keeping promises. You can read more about it here and here.

She wants to help that Kenyan village with their school. But she can’t do it alone. As Sgt Mom and Timmer can attest, military retirement paychecks don’t exactly give one a lot of discretionary income. She needs knowledge and expertise about fund-raising, among other things.

What the Obama School needs:
• Water
• Sanitation
• Electricity
• Remodeling
• Security
• Maintenance
to bring water to the school by sinking a borehole and building a water tank, erect a perimeter fence, complete the science laboratory and add much needed new classrooms, additional latrines, and a school dining hall

For the things that are in constant demand–e.g. school supplies, wages for security guards, spare parts–I’d say that a two year funding is enough.

The school’s principal suggested a minimum of 8.2 million Kenyan shillings which is equal to roughly $129,220 at today’s rate. That shouldn’t be too tough.

So here’s what we have:

• Domain name: obamaschool.org
• Email address: obamaschool@gmail.com

What we need:

Someone to assist in setting up the website … And someone here in the states who knows about the logistics of these things.

If you can help Juliette help the school, regardless of what name it bears, please do.

28. July 2008 · Comments Off on Brief Respite in the Writer’s Life Waltz · Categories: Domestic, General, Literary Good Stuff, Working In A Salt Mine...

Not a lot of time to spend on blogging on current affairs this week! I am stuck between the final edit of Adelsverein – Book 2 (The Civil War years), sending out review copies of Book 1, and polishing Book 3 (The cattle-ranching years) to a fine glossy sheen, and stuffing it full of local color and as many contemporary references and personalities as possible… oh, and doing the odd bit of marketing for “Truckee’s Trail”. One of the other IAG writers posted a tid-bit on the average sales of a POD or indy-published book; apparently the average number of copies sold is around 160-200 copies. I went back and looked at the various royalty statements for “Truckee”, tallied up a couple of other things – such as the copies that I sold through this website and from out of a box in the trunk of my car and came up with a grand total of 270-280 copies sold… possibly even more, since it takes four months for sales through bookstores, Amazon and Barnes & Noble to post. Those nice people at the Truckee Donner Historical Society just bought another box of twenty, so yay, me!

Once the final edits are done, and Books 2 and 3 uploaded… there’s not much more to be done until all three are released in December, except organize what I can in the way of exposure. The covers are all but designed, the promotional copy already done. I can even say that it’s being put out by an established (albeit small!) publisher – Strider Nolan Media. (Owner is another IAG writer and a fan of interesting western novels, having written one himself.”Shalom on the Range” – it’s hilarious, by the way; sort of Seinfeld on the Prairie.) I’ve been talking with some people in local bookstores, setting up signings – and the director of Fredericksburg’s Pioneer Museum bookstore is absolutely agog with excitement. The local historian who reviewed the manuscript for historical boo-boos found nothing more than some misspellings of German names, and he loves the story so much he is talking it up to all of his friends. Yes, it might very well work out that everyone in Gillespie County will buy a copy, just to see if I have mentioned their ancestors. The museum bookstore manager has ancestors on both sides that are mentioned, so he was quite tickled.

It will take months for the advanced reviews to be completed… so in the meantime, I am going back to work. I needed another two jobs to replace working for my computer genius friend, and the radio station. The royalty checks just are not consistently large enough, to permit me to stay at home. I applied to work part-time at a local call center, knowing full well that most people can only stick that sort of work for about six months, or a year, tops. Part-time, I can endure. The other job is with a local publishing company, whose owner was also a client of my late computer-genius friend. He had been after me for months, saying that I ought to get in touch with them, especially since the owner’s husband and partner had just died quite suddenly. Well, I finally did. The owner can’t pay anything much, until I bring in some big projects and clients for her… but there are two good parts to that: I can do most of the work from home, and she knows everyone in the San Antonio literary scene. Which means more local credibility for me… I might even get a review in the San Antonio Express News, in spite of their policy of turning up their nose at POD and indy books.

So that’s where it all stands at present – and grateful I am for all the people who have been truly helpful, sympathetic and supportive over the last two years, which have been quite a bit more rocky than they needed to be. Maybe I am just now beginning to see glimmerings of light at the end of the tunnel, not just the headlight of the train bearing down on me!

25. July 2008 · Comments Off on On Obama Not Goin’ to Landstuhl · Categories: Politics

The latest right wing bruhaha is that Obama didn’t visit the wounded troops at Landstuhl and Ramstein while in Germany.  It didn’t bother me a bit.  It would be completely inappropriate for any candidate to visit any military installation and use it as a backdrop as part of their campaign.

BUT!  -the right cries-  Obama insists this isn’t a campaign trip.

Riggghhhhttt.

Here’s some news for you geniuses, if you see either Senator Obama or Senator McCain anytime in the next three months or so, they’re campaigning.   You know it, they know it, even my dog Max knows it and he doesn’t have a reputation as a particularly smart dog.

I think he’s given his opponent enough fodder without  tagging him with this one.

And seriously, do you really think the wounded troops appreciate ANYONE in politics coming to visit them when they’re on the mend?  Think about it, the hospital is going to change all the linen, even if it’s clean, they’re going to make you put on a fresh hospital gown.  The floors are all going to be mopped and buffed to a gleam causing that wonderful smell of simple green, amonia and wax, and no one’s going to be allowed NEAR the cafeteria until it’s clear the politico isn’t hungry.

25. July 2008 · Comments Off on Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog · Categories: That's Entertainment!

So back when the writer’s strike was going on, Joss Whedon and family put together a little three act thing called Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog available only on the web.  I’ve heard about it for awhile and with the i-Tunes “Season Pass” it was only four bucks.

How is it?  Well, if you liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s musical episode, “Once More with Feeling,” you’re going to love Dr. Horrible and crew.  Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible, Nathon Fillon as arch nemisis Captain Hammer, and the too cute for words Felicia Day as their mutual love interest.

It’s laugh out loud funny.

It’s also Joss Whedon.  If you don’t know what that means, well, let’s just say you may not love the ending.

24. July 2008 · Comments Off on This Political Season · Categories: General, Politics

Okay, look.  I’m still out of work, so before, during and after I’m done surfing around the net and looking at the paper for opportunities, I catch a good portion of the news.  I watch an hour or so of Foxnews (SWOOSH) and then an hour or so of CNN (now with some James Earl Jones soundalike doing their “Black in America” promos) and if I remember what channel it’s on, I’ll catch the BBC just to see what the Brits are saying about us.  I got into that habit when we were in Germany.  It can be very…educational and it makes me feel better about being American instead of some elitist wanker.

I gotta tell ya that I’m getting scared here.  The two men running for office are freaking idiots!

Every time you turn around Obama is either making shit up as he goes along, or he’s spouting stuff that’s so ridiculous my mouth literally drops open like I’m one of my Father’s relatives who moved to Southern Missouri because it made them feel smarter.  When I listen to him I feel dumber than I did before he started.  I mean he sounds better than most politicos, but when he’s done talking I’m just thinking, “What?!  That made absolutely NO sense.”  No…I can’t give you specifics, it happens EVERY time.  And he’s starting to make John effing Kerry sound absolutely decisive.

And McCain?  I haven’t seen that dynamic a speaker since Bob Dole ran against Clinton.  And that insipid grin he gets when he’s “scoring points” on Obama?  I’m sorry but it’s just plain creepy.  I’m waiting for the 1930s monster movie music to come up.  And seriously, the clip of him cruising around with Bush I in the golf cart?  Dude…the age thing isn’t helping your case and nothing says, “I’m too old to be President.” like a golf cart…unless it’s one of those scooters from Walmart with the basket in front.

Obama, stop making shit up.  Here’s an idea, when you don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the hell up.

McCain.  Stop pointing out what’s wrong with Obama, you’re sounding even MORE like a democrat when you do that.

Both of you, start talking about what you’re going to DO about the economy, gas prices, and the four years you’re presumably going to be President.

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on Well, here’s a first (and a lesson learned) · Categories: Domestic, Fun and Games, General, General Nonsense, Home Front, sarcasm

So I get an email from a former classmate today. That, in itself, is not unusual. This classmate periodically forwards emails to me, thinking that I agree with political viewpoint and will enjoy them. She’s usually fairly correct in that assumption. Unfortunately, she also seems to be one of those people who automatically assume that anything she reads on the internet or that gets forwarded to her from a friend is incontrovertibly true.

On that, we disagree. I’m a big fan of Snopes.com, and a firm believer in checking the flotsam and jetsam of my inbox before sending it on to others. And it irritates me that others don’t do the same.

Usually, I can simply ignore the bazillion forwarded items, but sometimes I just get an itch to do a public service and let folks know that no matter how much they want it to be true, Barack Obama is not the child of the anti-christ (or the devil himself), and the little boy in the UK is not still on his deathbed and trying to set a guinness world record for number of greeting cards received (if, indeed, he ever was). When this itch strikes, it’s usually not enough for me to simply reply to the individual who forwarded the email to me and her 5000 closest friends.

Not this time. Maybe it’s because I had a bad day at work today, or maybe it’s exhaustion, or the summer heat/humidity affecting my brain, but this time, I chose to “reply all” and let the entire recipient list of that email know that snopes calls it false.

Oh, maybe I should describe today’s email in more detail? Sure. More »

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on I’m Tired · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Pajama Game, Rant, Veteran's Affairs

Just because…

I’m tired of Yahoo f**king up.

I’m tired of never getting any answer to the mailings and emails that I send about my books.

I’m tired of being treated like crap because I’m a writer and there are another ten-thousand of writers just like me (only most of them are F**king worse!) on the next bus. And that most of them seem to be better connected than me.

I’m tired that most of the ones that I am connected to, appear to to blow me off like an embarrassingly incontinent relative.

I’m tired of being stalled on payment on work that I have done.

I’m tired of having to work like a dog just to get a one-hundredth of the interest awarded to crappy, mediocre writers, just because they’re the flave of the moment. Or they have well-connected friends and fans.

I’m tired of looking at things that I should like to buy, but can’t because I can’t afford them. Oh and I am really, really tired of jugging bills. (please don’t construe this as a bleg, I am just venting.)

I’m tired of non-essential stuff but non-the less non-functioning stuff around my house that I can’t afford to fix. Like, giving the animals the vet care that they deserve.

I am really tired of Pajamas Media – my reason for sticking with them is…

Oh, yeah – I am really tired of Old, Traditional, Established Media. That’s what my reason is. Otherwise, I can’t see that I am really getting anywhere with the PJ Media association, anyway.

I have a couple of glasses of chablis in me. And tomorrow, or the day after, I will have to go into a couple of employment offices and make a pretense of being all about them and tending to their coporate needs, just so that I will have enough to fund the last bits of the Adelsverin Trilogy. Like mailing copies of same to reviewers – three-quarters of which will take the copy of Book One and never do a damn thing with it. Except take it down to the local second-hand book outlet and get a couple of dollars for it.

Pardon me while I swallow the vomit in my throat.

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on The gift that keeps on giving…….. · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, Good God, My Head Hurts, Stupidity

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased
his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was
looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.The effects of the
taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety.

WAY TOO COOL! To make a long story short, I bought the device and
brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button
AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’ d get the
blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Incidentally, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving
target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I
was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Is
that wrong?

So,there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
batteries. All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring
about 5′ long, less than 3/4′ in circumference; pretty cute, really,
and (loaded with two itsy bitsy triple-A batteries)thinking to
myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best!
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side as to say, ‘don’t do it, dip shit,’reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and… HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD…WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION…WHAT THE HELL!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging
to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt
to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one
note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be considered conservative!

SON-OF-A-BITCH!!! THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure,as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so
from where it originally was.

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently, I shit
myself, but was too numb to know for sure,and my sense of smell was
gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came
from my hair. I’m still looking for my nuts, and I’m offering a
significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

‘If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.’

23. July 2008 · Comments Off on Child Labor · Categories: General, The Funny, Working In A Salt Mine...

I know its old, but still funny

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began to build a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in the goings-on and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them ‘gems-in-the-rough,’ more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars ‘pay’ she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied,

“I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,’ said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?’

The little girl replied, “I will, if those @**holes at Home Depot ever deliver the f***in’ sheet rock.”

21. July 2008 · Comments Off on Sons of Martha – take it to heart! · Categories: General

Why am I still up at 05:30? I neglected my Kipling

They do not preach that their God will rouse them a
    little before the nuts work loose.

You cannot half-ass complicated stuff like Oracle Application Server. Woe.

Now, where’s the coffee?

Cross posted to Space For Commerce.

20. July 2008 · Comments Off on Looking at the Past · Categories: General, History, Media Matters Not, Old West, That's Entertainment!, World

I belong to a Yahoo discussion groups for fans of Westerns, and one of the curious things is how very passionate some of the members are about their favorite authors, and western series, some of which are well known, like Elmer Kelton and some quite obscure like Amelia Bean, who wrote about the Fancher party, of the Mountain Meadows Massacre fame. Old western movies are also mad faves, everything from the acknowledged classics like “Stagecoach” and the original “3:10 to Yuma” to obscure B-movie features and movies made for television that have since sank like a stone. Generally the older stuff is held in higher regard. Oddly enough, many of the members of the group are English – at least to judge from the frequent laments about how little there is in the way of ‘Westerania” to pick through on the other side of the pond.

Like it or not, this is how we begin to visualize the past, through books and movies, first seeing these things, as if through the prism of how a writer, movie producer or TV director visualized them. The trouble with this is that the farther we are in time from the events pictured, the more of the milieu of the time that such things were created seeps in around the edges. Look at a movie like “Gone With The Wind” – it practically screams the date of it’s premiere. But as hard as the various creators might have tried to banish every scrap of inauthenticity in trivial things such as women’s hair-styles, interior decoration or weaponry – contemporary sensibilities and habits of thought are even harder to root out. Movies like “The Patriot” and “Dances With Wolves” took especial pains to superficially and physically appear authentic – but then fell apart when it came to things like the likelihood of a village of escaped slaves being out in the open, and a Union officer in the 186os going over to the wall, metaphorically speaking, to join the Sioux Indians. But never mind – it’s a story. Like “Gone With the Wind” we can overlook anachronisms and accept gaps in logic in service to a riveting and entertaining story. Well, sometimes – depending on how much of a fuss-budget we are for strict authenticity. If something that feels to us like authentic sensibility is present, though – who wants to quibble about details?

But this gets harder to do with a great many more recent movies, and not just Westerns. Something went out of our movies when many producers and directors began to think more about a ‘message’ and a movie as a personal statement of belief… not strictly as something that a great many people would plunk down the price of admission in exchange for being entertained for a couple of hours. The old studio system turned them out assembly-line fashion, good, bad, indifferent and superb, A-list, B-list, genre, serials, bios, epics, musicals and all. As one of my former bosses was fond of saying – it’s a numbers game. The more there is of any one thing, be it sales calls or movies, the better the odds that more of it will pay off… or be really, really good. The old studios diversified their releases. If a movie bombed… well, there were three or four more in the chute, so who cared but the accountants and maybe not even them, very much. Some of them which bombed, or did indifferent business at the time of release later made a better showing, farther on down the track. And some of those are beloved by website discussion groups, so here I am circling around to my main point… which was that there were Western movies made after the 1960s (to pick a date at random) but few of them seem to attract much of the same degree fanatic devotion.

Why? I wondered if the reason might have something to do with the fact that watching this show a couple of years ago on PBS left something of a sour taste in my mouth.

(To be continued)

20. July 2008 · Comments Off on A Chore You Really Don’t Want to Do · Categories: Domestic, General, Veteran's Affairs, World

1. Borrow a tall ladder from the next door neighbor.

2. Climb up to the top of the fiberglass and lattice porch roof on a hot afternoon.

3. Cover your hands and lower arms with a couple of thicknesses of those long plastic sleeves that the newspaper comes in, on rainy mornings. (OK, so those came from the neighbor, also. I cancelled my subscription to the San Antonio Express news a couple of years ago. The neighbor hasn’t, and she has bags of the damned things.)

4. Reach under the eave of the house and gently scoot the remains of an extremely defunct opossum towards the edge of the porch. Said remains are practically liquid

5. Attempt to ignore the truly amazing stench. And the squirming maggots.

6. Scoop it all into a very large black plastic trash bag and remove.

7. Silently curse neighbors who are putting out poison for the rats and opossums.

And by the way, it took several hours and a couple of glasses of chablis to banish the smell. Just thought you would like to know, in case it happens to you