15. February 2006 · Comments Off on When The Death Of One Is A Mere Statistic · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Politics

Uber-socialist Joseph Stalin is famous for saying: “The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions, merely a statistic.” Today, the Angry Left proves that any death is of meaning only in that it fulfills their political aspirations. This sad story from WSJ: Best of the Web Today:

Angry Left Death Wish
Posting on the Daily Kos, the Mos Eisley of the Angry Left, a reader called “redlief” wonders how to feel about Harry Whittington, the victim in Vice President Dick Cheney’s hunting accident (quoting verbatim):

am I suppose to be praying?

That Whittington dies and Cheney goes to jail for manslaughter or that Mr. Whittington recovers and lives a full and peaceful life?

Oh, that’s right, were a progessive website.

”Hang in there, Whitti, ol man, we’re a prayin for ya!”

A reader of this site, whose name we won’t mention in the interest of avoiding unrest in the reader’s office, writes:

I just had to vent regarding an overheard conversation at my office. The liberals across the cubicle from me were discussing the man Dick Cheney accidentally shot, and were joking about the fact that he’s apparently had a mild heart attack as a result of a pellet that entered his heart area. Laughing about it, one of them said he wished the gentleman would die so it would harm Mr. Cheney politically, to which everyone else laughed.

Normally I roll my eyes and go on with my work when I hear most of their discussions, but this one made my jaw drop. What kind of human beings are these people, that they’d wish an elderly man would die so that it would somehow boost the Democrats politically (which is an extremely questionable presumption in the first place)?

Such morbid speculation has crept into the mainstream media as well. A writer for Time magazine offered this last night:

He’s 78. He got hit in the face and body by a spray of tiny pellets. He’s back in intensive care. It’s not inconceivable that the vice-president may have accidentally killed someone. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I don’t know Texas law; and I’m not a lawyer. But wouldn’t this be a case of something like negligent homicide?

This morning’s New York Times picks up the theme:

In Texas, Carlos Valdez, the district attorney in Kleberg County, said a fatality would immediately spur a new report from the local sheriff and, most likely, a grand jury investigation.

Reports of Whittington’s death are greatly exaggerated. A physician who reads this column writes:

Calling the pellet-induced arrhythmia a “heart attack” is a little sensationalist. A “heart attack” is not an official medical term, and is generally taken as meaning a blockage of a significant cardiac artery and resultant damage to the heart. Calling the pellet-induced heart damage a “heart attack” is like calling a bruise a “tissue infarction.” The pellet presumably irritated a small area of heart tissue or obstructed a tiny blood vessel.

Caution is in order here: Our reader is not a cardiologist and has not examined Whittington. But the Corpus
Christi Caller-Times
–the paper that scooped and humiliated the petulant layabouts of the Washington press corps—quotes Whittington’s doctors and outside experts as saying the prognosis is good:

Barring further complications, the 78-year-old attorney shot by Vice President Dick Cheney is expected to recover after suffering a minor heart attack after a piece of birdshot migrated to his heart, medical specialists said Tuesday.

”It’ll be left in there assuming everything goes well,” said Peter Banko, vice president and administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital Memorial. “He could probably live the rest of his life with that in there.” . .
.

Dr. Pat Whitlow, director of interventional cardiology at The Cleveland Clinic Heart Center, said Whittington shouldn’t face any problems living with the small BB.

”I’ve seen patients before that come in for other reasons, and we see birdshot that is still lodged in the vicinity of their heart, and they’ve never had a problem with it,” Whitlow said.

Whitlow said birdshot in the pericardium, or the lining sack around the heart, would cause an irregular heartbeat.

”That has caused an inflammatory response that is associated with irregular heartbeats,” Whitlow said. “(Irregular heartbeats) are a nuisance but are not life-threatening.”

It sounds, then, as though Whittington has a good heart—which is more than one can say for many in the press and the Angry Left.

Update: Developments today lead me to believe that this might just be another Rovian Mousetrap.
By this time tomorrow, I suspect we might see public opinion taking what the chattering classes might consider an “ugly” turn. Time will tell.

08. February 2006 · Comments Off on Ummmm, Yea…..It’s Like…Ya’ Know… · Categories: Ain't That America?

Ghosts of the personals columns:

A few years ago, I was doing the internet personals gig, And one of the sites I got on to was something of a California phenom, Hot or Not – something of a photo rating site combined with cyber-introduction service.

And it has much to be said for it: It’s quite inexpensive, for paid subscribers; it’s user moderated, and quite modest on what pics or text are allowed; and, truth be told, despite its rather crude matching regime, I had more success with it than any of the other internet dating sites I was involved with. (While we were only talking two or three months here. So the sample size is pretty small.).

Anyway, I never took my pic/profile off the site, and never gave it much thought, until about two/three months ago, when they started an “email your matches” service. And, save for that these people are presumably “in your area,” it is more likely than not that you have NOTHING in common with those whose profile you’ve received.

And for me, that is more likely true than not, as I have little in common with the typical Southern California woman person. Here’s a typical case-in-point:
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06. February 2006 · Comments Off on Danish Cartoons, Redoux · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, General Nonsense, GWOT, Media Matters Not, sarcasm, The Funny

Amusingly, that lugubrious old talking prune, NPR’s Daniel Shorr was coming out on the side of being all sensitive and being responsible about “using the power of the press” as regards the Matter of the Danish Cartoons. (Doesn’t that sound like a very dull Sherlock Holmes adventure, or the worst name for a war since the “War of Jenkins’ Ear”?) Just like the pet professor of international relations whom my local paper keeps on hand to drivel on about the Moslem world and international relations, and how the US must…must…zzzzz… oh, sorry. Dozed off there for a moment. I do that when reading the gentleman’s editorials, but so do probably most of his students.

Anyway, predictable, dull, predictable… oops, did I say that already? Anyway, both these prize examples of overpaid old media had pretty much the same take… the cartoons were horrible! Vile! Insulting! And the major media had done a Good Thing by not putting them out in front of us proles so we could make up our own mind… which is that they are only a little more tame than a Dick and Jane grade school reader. Poor, innocent and clueless Mr. Shorr also alledged that said cartoons were very difficult to find and view… at which statement I can only shake my head in pity and hope that someone in the NPR studio will either enlighten him about this internet and search engine thingy, or hand him a box of Kleenex to wipe off the senile drool.

And besides, if the Danish Cartoons were the far end in vile insult to Islam in general, then a great many parties are in for a most awful shock. Oh, yes, in accordance with my call to comic arms of several years ago, we have just begun to take the piss, point the finger, and laugh, laugh, laugh.

(The Dutch website would, of course be far more amusing to those who actually can speak Dutch, but some of the entries are in English… and some of them are quite understandible, as well as being not work-safe, in the strict meaning of the word. I really have to admire the mad Photoshop skilz, though. Thanks to Rantburg and Silent Running, and the Instapundit, whose thunderous tread shakes the whole blog-world.)

01. February 2006 · Comments Off on The Jackie O’Shea Story · Categories: Ain't That America?

Hook’s been cranking out episodes of his Jackie O’Shea story. You should check it out.

Updated the link to Jackie O’Shea. Hook’s put the links in order.

31. January 2006 · Comments Off on The Best Thing About This Year’s “State of the Union” · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General Nonsense, Politics, That's Entertainment!

…it shortened a horrific American Idol by an hour.

And yes, I’m saying this BEFORE the speech.

Update: Okay, not a bad speech all in all. Beautiful Wife loved Laura looking at him mouthing, “Thanks Babe.”

29. January 2006 · Comments Off on When the Going Gets Wierd · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General, Media Matters Not, That's Entertainment!

The weird turn pro, and apparently write a memoir about it, which is all very nice when it sells a LOT of copies, and the writer becomes FAMOUS and sells a mega-jiga-million copies, and everyone remembers that they knew you when… maybe. Journalistic fabrication is so last year (Stephen Glass, Janet Cooke, whatsisface at the NYT), the current flave of the moment must be the memoir…. One’s own life, but with with improvements.

The fun begins when everyone who knew you when— the people next door, brothers and sisters, employers, co-workers, ex-spouses, friends and former friends score a copy and begin to realize that there is a whole ‘nother reality reflected there, one with which they were completely unacquainted. So having the Oprah Winfrey/James Frey imbroglio all this week— hell, even Cpl./Sgt. Blondie has heard of it, and she is more of an HGTV fan than anything. The lesson ought to be for memoirists to linger meaningfully in the general vicinity of verifiable facts, either that or wait to write it all when everyone else is dead and can’t argue the point with you. If you really can’t wait that long, perhaps it would be less embarrassing to just call it fiction, loosely based on your own life…. Even if the stuff that really happens is sometimes stranger than you can ever make up.

Then, of course, on the second page of the paper this morning, there is a story about another writer— somewhat less well known since Oprah didn’t personally have to rip him a new one on national television— who wasn’t a Native American at all. What is it with wanting to be a Native American, all that mysticism and wilderness wisdom? And Timothy Barris wasn’t the first, (Grey Owl, anyone?) only being a porn writer may have been a little less embarrassing than the resume and club membership of this best-selling but unfortunately fraudulent Indian. And Carlos Castenada and Rigoberta Menchu still have passionate defenders willing to deny or discount certain uncomfortable findings.

Really, I feel quite sorry for people who begin with a little fib, a touch of exaggeration and eventually wind up believing it… some of them do not take contradiction well, and it is way too late in the game to get a writer and memoirist like Lillian Hellman a little painful cross-examination (But Mary McCarthy tried, anyway.)

Fraudulent memoirists like Frey and Barris may be a passing evil, best selling or not. Grey Owl and Asa Carter, although not as advertised, were possessed of a lovely and sympathetic writing style and may even have done good with their output, in the long run. But Menchu and Hellman, with the deeply politicized aspect to their writings and public personas probably have not. After contemplating how their books inflamed or warped the perceptions of certain public issues, it is a positive relieve to contemplate Ern Malley and Penelope Ashe, two last literary frauds which were done for no more reason than to make a point, and for their perpetrators to have a little fun putting one over; A self-consciously literary magazine called “Angry Penguins” is just begging to be sent up, and as for “Naked Came the Stranger”… it was proved in 1969, and for a hundred years before and ever since, that trash with a naked woman on the front cover will sell.

(PS My own memoir is still for sale, with the following corrections noted: Mom says the Toby-dog got stuck on the fence in the morning, not evening… and Pippy says that her rabbits’ name was Bernadette Bunny. Not just Bunny.
Please buy a copy! I had a small fenderbender with the VEV, which broke the front grille and both headlights, and the insurance company probably won’t pay for anything but junking the VEV entirely, so I am having to pay for all the purely cosmetic repairs out of pocket! Thanks!)

27. January 2006 · Comments Off on I’m From The Government, And I’m Here To Help You Vote · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Politics

Cheshire (pop. 3500) is a sleepy little town in the Berkshires, which doesn’t even have their own website. Now, by orders from on high, their elections are being rocketed into the information age:

Cheshire, Massachusetts is getting a new electronic voting machine much to the chagrin of local leaders. Last week, the Selectmen said that they would not buy a machine, which the state has mandated through the federal Help American Vote Act (HAVA).

The state has decided that it will provide the new machine, and the town will have to use it. The machine will come with programming for state and federal elections, but not local elections. Programming for local elections will cost the town $1,000 each election.

The town has not hesitated in expressing its anger over the action of the state. Selectman Paul F. Astorino said, “We don’t want it!”

The action is part of Secretary of State William F. Galvin’s plan to have the state comply with HAVA. This new machine, and others like it arriving in surrounding small towns, will replace paper ballots and provide better voting access to the handicap.

26. January 2006 · Comments Off on Is Snarky Commentary Patentable? · Categories: Ain't That America?, Technology

Over at The Volokh Conspiracy, Orin Kerr comments on Cingular’s attempt to patent smilies on cellphones (application number US 2006/0015812 A1):

Abstract

A method and system for generating a displayable icon or emoticon form that indicates the mood or emotion of a user of the mobile station. A user of a device, such as a mobile phone, is provided with a dedicated key or shared dedicated key option that the user may select to insert an emoticon onto a display or other medium. The selection of the key or shared dedicated key may result in the insertion of the emoticon, or may also result in the display of a collection of emoticons that the user may then select from using, for example, a key mapping or navigation technique.

I don’t think this patent will happen. the most obvious reason, as I see it, is that there is no clear differentiation here between cellphones and laptops (where they have been used for years). Indeed, technologically, there is very little difference between a contemporary cellphone and a laptop.

Update: Ok, you’ve got to read the comments. I’m sure a lot of people here will find this patent (5,443,036) for a method of exercising a cat particularly “interesting”. 🙂

26. January 2006 · Comments Off on You Can’t Get Them To Lock Their Bicycles… · Categories: Ain't That America?, Technology

… But, in Fullerton, CA, they want every elementary school kid to have an Apple iBook:

The Fullerton, CA public school system is aggressive in its push to educate children in the ways of silicon. The school district is aiming to give laptops to select elementary and middle school kids, and they are developing a curriculum centered around students having access to their laptops. So why are some parents putting up a fuss? The plan requires parents to pony up almost US$1,500 for the privilege, and if you can’t afford it, you don’t get to participate in the program. Participating parents would pay about $500 each year for three years, and their children would receive an Apple iBook G4 laptop and entrance into the special program.

Well, some things have changed since this story was written about three weeks ago: The school district will loan some computers out, if the parents pay a $70/yr. “insurance” fee, and some charities have stepped up to the plate, for the truly needy.

And I realize laptops have become just about as ubiquitous as yellow Pee-Chee folders were in my day. But a $1500 iBook? Leaving aside the matter of the G4 being virtually obsolete, unless I was rolling in dough, I wouldn’t be spending $1500 on junior’s first computer. I repeat we need these.

26. January 2006 · Comments Off on Piniata of the Month · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Media Matters Not, Rant, sarcasm

So, is this Mr. Stein, of the LA Times the designated piñata of the month, for the blogosphere to freely thwack, belittle and otherwise abuse? Now that the joys of flogging “Professor”* Ward Churchill are a thing of the past, we have all apparently moved on. I as usual, am late to the all-blog pile on, since the by now the egregious Mr. Stein has been filleted, sliced and diced by sharper minds and more accomplished writers than myself. I just did not receive the Dark Lord Rove’s latest memo, ‘kay?

*** pouting prettily***

I just must not be on His Darknesses’ primary AIG distribution list. (Quick, can anyone tell me, are we an army of digital brownshirts this month, or just an electronic lynch mob? I hate to be inappropriately outfitted; my jackboots are this very week out being new-soled, but the pitchfork and torch are ready and waiting…. Oh, thanks. Lynch mob it is then… right. Thanks for the light. Non-smokers are always short of a light, have you ever noticed?)

Frankly, Mr. Stein is pitiful meat, after the never-ending buffet that was the many-talented Professor Churchill. The only thing to marvel at is that what used to be a reputable newspaper paid him (presumably a lot of money) for these vapid dribblings. I would rather advise everyone to stand well back, point a finger at him and laugh, long and heartily. Please, for the love of heaven, don’t stuff his email inbox with any more flaming communications. We’re just setting ourselves up to listen to him whine, with lip all a tremble, about those horrid hostile hate-mongers, when all he did was innocently mosey down the lane, excercising his rights of free speech, man!

And don’t, please don’t write a righteously wrathful letter to the Times, threatening to cancel your subscription — even if you are really one of those rapidly diminishing number who actually have a subscription. For the love of all dead fish and bottoms of parrot-cages in the world, something has to serve as wrap and liner! A newspaper is supposed to be representative of the community it serves, after all, and the management just might realize that the whiney, insular yuppie twat demographic is way over- represented in their newsroom/editorial staff, and fire his clueless ass. Thereupon, he would slink off to work for Pacifica Radio, or the sort of extremely judgmental lefty local alternative free paper almost entirely supported by ad revenue from gentleman’s clubs, alternative lifestyle bars and pathetically awful personals… but before he did, we would be treated to Mr. Stein wobbling all over NPR and others as a martyr to free speech. I have a low nausea threshold, and I would far rather keep him where we can point to him and giggle, heartlessly.

After all, he didn’t want to advise spitting on military personnel returning from a war zone. Which, I guess, is progress of a sort.

PS: Cpl/Sgt. Blondie finds it awesomely incredible that he knows no military people first hand. It sort of reminds her, says she, of the kids in her 6th grade class in Ogden, UT, the ones who had never, ever been beyond the state line, or even out of the city limits, and were absolutely boggled to discover that she had been born in Japan, and lived in Greece and Spain for most of her life after that. She advises that Mr. Stein get in his car, and drive south for a little bit, to Oceanside, or San Diego. He will meet a lot of military people there, just by hanging around.

* As always, viciously skeptical quote marks

Later: Problem preventing comments from being posted is fixed. Comment away! – Sgt. Mom

23. January 2006 · Comments Off on Random Rants from the Road · Categories: Ain't That America?, Memoir, Rant

So I went to see my Mom in Chicagoland this weekend, driving out Friday Morning and back today. I thought I’d share some of the random flotsam that goes through my brain when I’m running I-80 through the “scenic” Iowa and Illinos farmlands.

Attention Flatbed Drivers. For the love of GOD, please make sure that your load of empy 50 gallon drums are ALL secure before you head out on the hiway. I’m still pulling pieces of upolstery out of my ass. But ya know, thanks for the fact that it was empty, all that bouncing helped me miss it…I think…I’m still unsure of HOW I missed it.

Why is it every package of beef jerkey you can purchase in a truck stop is stale?

I have no idea why so many RVs were on the road. Isn’t it January? Who RVs in January?

Attention Country Radio. Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flats IS a killer song, but perhaps you should consider toning down how many times an hour your play it.

Attention all drivers on the hiway: 1) PICK. A. SPEED. 2) Slower drivers to the left, faster drivers to the right is NOT the recommended practice. 3) Merge does not mean I need to get the hell out of your way, it means you need to adjust your happy self into the flow of traffic. 4) 18-Wheelers are bigger than we are. That in itself deserves some respect. Considering the taxes that truckers pay compared to us, yes in fact they DO own the road, a couple times over I might add. Give them a freakin’ break. 5) PICK. A. SPEED. Yeah, one and five are the same, some folks need to be told twice.

Iowa rest stops are quite clean and well-kept, good on Iowa.

People in Iowa are very very very friendly to an old fart in an Air Force hoody. People in rural Illinois are also very friendly. This friendliness begins to fade as you get closer to Chicago.

Family members and friends who have lived in Chicagoland all their lives or most of their adult lives have NO idea what the hell is going on in the world other than Bush sucks and all our troops need to come home and lock down our borders.

12. January 2006 · Comments Off on Robertson Apologizes · Categories: Ain't That America?, Good God

…only after he loses out on a multi-million dollar deal.

TEL AVIV, Israel (AP) — Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson has sent a letter apologizing for suggesting that Ariel Sharon’s massive stroke was divine punishment for pulling Israel out of the Gaza Strip.

Robertson’s comments drew widespread condemnation from other Christian leaders, President Bush and Israeli officials, who canceled plans to include the American evangelist in the construction of a Christian tourist center in northern Israel.

In a letter dated Wednesday and marked for hand delivery to Sharon’s son Omri, Robertson called the Israeli prime minister a “kind, gracious and gentle man” who was “carrying an almost insurmountable burden of making decisions for his nation.”

“My concern for the future safety of your nation led me to make remarks which I can now view in retrospect as inappropriate and insensitive in light of a national grief experienced because of your father’s illness,” the letter said.

“I ask your forgiveness and the forgiveness of the people of Israel,” Robertson wrote.

Emphasis mine.

I’m not sure what’s worse, the original comments or the fact that he only apologized after taking a hit to the pocketbook. You have to wonder who’s handling his image? Why not just come out and say, “I’m so sorry I lost all that money?”

11. January 2006 · Comments Off on Anonymous and Annoying? Not-to-Worry · Categories: Ain't That America?

Perhaps word of the President signing a bill last week that makes it illegal to be annoying without using your real name on the internet caused some of you to go hmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder what jail looks like?

Not to worry. As long as what you’re saying is protected under the First Amendment, you’re okay, but you wouldn’t have known it from all the scurrying and hyperventilating I saw over the weekend.

Luckily some folks wait before they comment on a story.

Via Ravenwood.

02. January 2006 · Comments Off on On the Road With the Lesser Weevil · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General, Pajama Game

Among her favorable canine qualities (sweet nature, high intelligence, compact size, overall good health and relative freedom from behavior problems stemming from the circumstances which inspired my daughter to rescue her from a very unfortunate situation) highest among them is the one which became most apparent over the last week or so. That is, the Lesser Weevil is an excellent traveler. She readily jumped into her travel station in the back seat on command and spent much of the journeys of the last three weeks curled up sleeping there, qualities which can best be appreciated by anyone who has gone on a very long road trip with a dog… which if the evidence of my own experience at rest stops along the highways between San Antonio and San Diego this last holiday week are any indication, may include a large percentage of the traveling public. Most of our stops, up and down IH 10 and 8 coincided with those of other travelers armed with leashes, at the other end of which was one of the canine set enjoying a leisurely poop and pee in the designated pet section of the state-designated rest area.

And, oh, how those rest areas were welcomed by the weary traveler. It would be hard for some of my European friends to visualize how vast and how empty the western United States can be, nothing but two lanes of blacktop with a wide median in between, spooling endlessly across a great basin towards a jagged line of distant blue mountains. On either side of the road, nothing much but adobe colored dust, and low scrub bushes… taupe and pale green, pale gold tufts of bunch-grass, dark green mesquite, and saguaro cacti with uplifted branches…. And that is all there is, for miles and miles. The only other signs of human traffic are the other vehicles on the road, coming and going, their lights at night like a sliding string of diamonds and rubies, perhaps a long freight-train loaded with containers moving toy-like in the distance, and a couple of jets scribbling a feather-stitching of contrails in the blue bowl of sky overhead. Only twice did we drive through cities of any size— El Paso and Tucson— all the rest are places like Yuma and Fort Stockton, or even smaller still, like Sierra Blanca and Junction, just a couple of square blocks of houses, and sometimes not even that. We breezed past an off-ramp with the name of a town on it, which seemed to be made up of a gas station, a house and a scattering of rusting trailers, and Blondie wondered out loud what makes a town? Isn’t there some sort of minimum requirement? Or was there once a substantial town which has dried up and withered away in the fierce desert heat? How lonely it must have been for the first settlers, in the late 19th century, to live so far over the edge of civilization. I remembered an account from the wife of one of the early Texas cattle barons— Mary Ann Goodnight, I believe, who came out to live on her husbands’ ranch several days journey from the nearest small town, the only woman for a hundred miles in each direction. One of the ranch hands gifted her with some chickens, and she was so desperately lonely that the chickens became beloved pets, rather than dinners. Driving past one of those tiny, solitary houses or trailers sitting in a small clump of trees fifty miles from the nearest town, I can now understand how that happened.
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29. December 2005 · Comments Off on Give me back my damned party! · Categories: Ain't That America?

God help us all. B Dubya is in the house. Crazy old coot…

Once upon a time, when I was very young and living in Washington State, my family was Democrat, and had been since WWI.
I remember John Kennedy’s inaugural. I especially remember this line: “Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” I have always translated that to mean that we would stand by our friends and allies and visit seven kinds of hell on our enemies and let God do the worrying about the body counts. That was the Democratic Party I knew right up until 1972. And then the left wing of the party hijacked the bus and ran Eugene McCarthy (I’m personally glad the old bastard is dead).
Jack Kennedy may have been a flawed human being, but by God, he acted on the beliefs he swore to us, “For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forebears prescribed…….” and I believe he was sincere. He took us all to the brink of nuclear war over Cuber and he was prepared to take the next step. Khrushchev wasn’t, had miscalculated the metal of the man, and realized that the Soviet Union could not survive unless the Soviet Premier blinked, and so backed down.
The assassination and the Johnsonian presidency led us to Viet Nam, where we found that we really weren’t willing to live up to Kennedy’s admonition to the world. Instead, we got MSM trading on defeatism for larger market share and the collapse of will in the Democratic ranks of the west and north. Instead of Ed Murrow, we got Walter Cronkite. Instead of Harry Truman, we got LBJ bleating that he would not run for a 2nd term after he’d spent his entire political life trying to be what he wasn’t the right stuff for, President of the United States.
No person who earns less than $750,000 (adjusted for inflation..) per annum has any business being a Republican, not since before Hoover.
Here is my political wish list for a party of Democracy:
I want my party back from the self loathing, cringing, defeatist, collaborating left that has made it too sickening to be associated with. That includes Jimmy Carter, John Kerry, John Dean, and Bill Clinton (though maybe not Hilary) and virtually all of the surviving Kennedy clan…
I want a party that believes that people have rights, and that Corporations are legal constructs, made for generating money only, are not equal to individuals under the law, and that they should be regarded, at best, as predatory creatures and at worst, as amoral enterprises that would seek financial advantage for themselves at the expense of every American liberty or value.
I want a party that pledges to help the poor, the aged, the infirm, widows and orphans in need, but who will tell able persons that they are on their own to live or die as free men and women should.
I want a party that will prosecute war against our enemies without reserve and with all available resource and energy. A party that can recognize friend from foe and that does not give a Tinker’s goddamned what the decadent Old World has to say about it.
I want a party that presents candidates for office who are honest, able to say the hard stuff, and willing to serve if elected, not rule.
Give me a system of taxation that is fair and not one designed to fund the nanny state or maintain the existence of government entities that have had no purpose since the 19th century.
I want a party that believes that if you can’t pay for it, and it’s not vital, you don’t get it.
I want a party that believes that the life of a single US citizen is worth more than the lives of all of our enemies. That believes that wars should be fought to protect American lives and freedoms. That wars can be fought to bring liberty to our friends. A willingness to shed blood for liberty may make our neighbors fear us, perhaps even hate us, but they will certainly be able to guide their future actions toward us so as not to anger us. I personally do not crave the approval of the French, or of the Germans. I only require that they understand what it means to be a friend or a foe of my country.

I will settle for a party that comes remotely close to it. That’s why I am forced to vote as a Republican.

22. December 2005 · Comments Off on Big Brother in the Heartland · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, Stupidity

I received my new liscense plates and registration the other day and forgot to mention something weird on them:

Bar Codes. There are bar codes on my liscense plates. So not only does the state government have me cross referenced by my liscence plate number, it also has me related to this bar code. Somewhere there’s a database that has my name attached to that bar code.

Part of me really wants to take that code to a tattoo artist and have it done just below the collar line in the center of the top of my back. But that’s also the part of me that still listens to XTC and New Order so…the rest of me doesn’t pay much attention to him…unless we want to dance badly and look completely like a middle-aged white guy. My hips don’t slip as easy as they used to.

21. December 2005 · Comments Off on The Use of Public Spaces · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Home Front, Local

Ages ago, when my daughter says that dinosaurs roamed the earth, and I was taking post-graduate classes in public administration, one of the lecturing professors related an amusing anecdote about a project that he had been a part of. I don’t remember in exactly which class this anecdote featured as a lecture motif; one of the sociology courses, or maybe the city planning class, or the basic police-force management class. (I don’t think it was the terrorism class, taught by a U-OK prof whose main gig was to do seminars with law-enforcement professionals wherein he would dress up in a kaffiyah and stopped AK-47 and with a select coterie of his grad students, pretend to be terrorists, take half the class hostage and make the other half negotiate their release.) The lecturer had participated in a study in which a late-model, perfectly serviceable and ordinary automobile was parked on a street in a good part of town, and a similar vehicle parked on a street in a not quite so good part. Both automobiles were being constantly monitored with remote TV cameras and a team of grad students.

The results, said the lecturer, pretty well demonstrated where was a better place in which to leave an automobile unattended; the battery of the car in the bad neighborhood was stolen in 45 minutes flat, and it was stripped of everything detachable within three days. The car in the good neighborhood sat unmolested for two weeks. At that point, the creator of the experiment demonstrated the ‘broken window theory’ and broke one of the car’s windows, making the clear point in the good neighborhood that no one was likely to make a fuss about vandalizing or stealing from it. While such did proceed, it was at a much slower pace than the car in the bad neighborhood, and was terminated when the city stepped in and towed it away as an abandoned automobile, presumably to the amusement of the observing audience.

The subtle point made about the difference in the two neighborhoods, however, is about how we share the public spaces— our streets, parks, civic buildings, highways and beaches. Every time we walk out our front door, we are in a public space, and our behavior in that space is constrained by a number of impulses. The first is a mutual sense of courtesy, and what is appropriate, which is sometimes discovered by offense and rebuke. Several months ago, a householder in my neighborhood put an old washing machine out by the curb for trash pickup, although the bulk trash collection (where the city sends a huge trailer and a truck with a mobile arm to remove heavy items like this) wasn’t due for months yet. Within days, I noticed a stern and neatly printed note taped to the side of the washing machine: “This is our neighborhood,” said the note “Not a Dump.” The errant washing machine promptly vanished, from the sidewalk, at least. The message had been sent, received, and the transgression amended; that this is a neighborhood were residents do not place clapped-out appliances on the curb for weeks or months on end.

We have standards, was the unwritten text to the note, and as a householder, you are not meeting them; which leads naturally into the second constraint, the fear of disapproval by others — a powerful constraint, especially of that approval is valued by the individual. And the third constraint is the impartial but comparatively blunt and unsubtle club of civil law, in the form of the city code compliance authorities, always ready to respond with the force of official law to complaints of this kind of thing. One may poke fun, justifiably or not, at the conformity and insularity neighborhoods and communities like this, but at a very minimum, they are fairly open and accommodating places. The streets and parks are attractive, and most people feel safe, unthreatened, and secure in the knowledge that soft power and civil authority will be respected across the board.

One has only to look at a place like urban San Francisco, where the soft power of community disapproval of certain behaviors has been disarmed, and civil authority made powerless, to see what happens in their absence. There has long been bitter complaining by residents, business owners and tourists about homeless people— often deranged, usually unkempt and aggressively pan-handling, living, sleeping, eating and defecating in the streets and sidewalks—- not exactly what wants to contemplate in an urban vista, even though one might very well feel quite compassionate about the homeless, and generous in rendering assistance. Any sort of organized call to do something about the homeless is met with aggrieved accusations of being anti-homeless, and being selfish and heartless about those poor homeless who have no where else to go, et cetera, et cetera. And that public space continues to be noisome and uninviting; since the problem cannot or will not be fixed to anyone’s satisfaction and those residents or travelers who do not want to deal with aggressive and deranged panhandlers will quietly go elsewhere. Just so do responsible residents of a neighborhood under threat of being overtaken over by drug traffickers and gang-bangers, if neighborly disapproval of such goings on is not backed up by civil law, impartially applied.

I began to write this as a meditation on the Australian beach riots, and then was sidetracked on how the pattern was repeating itself one more time; that of a public space freely enjoyed by a varied constituency gradually turned somewhat less free and un-enjoyable— practically no bathing-suit clad woman really enjoys being threatened with rape or told she is a whore and ordered to put more clothes on by officious and bullying young thugs. After all, there are really only two things that happen when a public space is taken over, and civil law proves to be indifferent or incompetent. Either the residents or the regular users of that space withdraw and give it up to whoever is aggressively taking it over— be they homeless, or gangsters, or whatever— or they attempt to take it back, however clumsily and ham-fistedly. Our public spaces are either ours and everyones�, to be shared freely and equally … or they are not.

20. December 2005 · Comments Off on I’ve Been Out of It Lately · Categories: Ain't That America?, Allied Treachery, Iraq: The Good, Rant, Stupidity

…but I’ve had a little time to catch up on the news and I’m confused about something.

Taking off my glasses and pinching the bridge of my nose:

Another unknown scum-sucking traitorous bastard (or bitch, I want to be politically correct) turns over classified information to the press. The press holds onto this information until things are looking good, no, great in Iraq with an amazing turnout for the elections, something we should all be feeling good about and celebrating. The press then releases that classified information, embarassing the United States, completely destroying an ongoing intelligence operation, letting our enemies know that our civil liberties are no longer a cover for their operations.

The story from all the media outlets is that the President ordered the electronic surveillance of Americans (whispering) who are in contact with terrorists overseas?

The story isn’t the ongoing scum-sucking traitorous actions of people who believe that releasing classified information is okay and that our press continues to sell us out to our enemies?

And unless I’m mistaken, the same people who are currently beating up the President for being over-zealous about protecting our country are the exact same people who have been blaming him for not being zealous enough about protecting our country from the attacks on 9-11-01.

Do I have that right?

Because if I have that right, I think I’m going to get ready to retire soon. My country has gone batshit crazy.

And yes, IF the President acted illegally then the Senate should have exercised their powers of oversite and done THEIR FREAKING JOB and they should have done it quietly so as not to embarass the country and ruin the intelligence that may have been gathered. This was a bullshit hit job on the administration for purely political purposes and it didn’t do anyone any good what so ever.

Update: If you want to read and mess around with the various legal arguments, head over to Protein Wisdom. Goldstein has a real good wrap-up. Start at the top of the page and scroll down, because some of it’s just plain funny.

17. December 2005 · Comments Off on The Lesser of Two Weevils · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General

So, my dearly beloved and somewhat over-protective daughter has put it to me… given that in the row of about twelve or fourteen houses in which I live contains only three houses (one on either end, and one in the middle) which actually contain able-bodied males (and one of them appearing to fall in the weedy and academically ineffectual division of the male spectrum anyway), and that all the rest contain single women— widows, working single women, divorcees, single parents, most of us of a certain age— and given also that the neighborhood was plagued a couple of years ago by an intrusive peeping-tom (who managed to scare the living ***** out of some of my neighbors), given that someone once tried to jimmy the door of my house with a 16-in screwdriver, and a couple of someone elses’ tried to steal William’s Accura Integra right out of my driveway— and even though this is a really pretty safe neighborhood, with an active neighborhood patrolling scheme… she has laid down the law. I must have either a dog… or a gun. Judy, my neighbor, who lives vicariously through me has been insisting the same thing also (I Know Judy and Blondie have been collaborating on this, I just know it!)

I don’t want a gun, I know there are all sorts of reasons why I should, but I really don’t.

Dad had a couple of revolvers in the house when we were children, but they were kept locked away. I didn’t ever handle anything other than a BB-gun until I had been five or six years in the Air Force, and I never took small-arms training until another ten years after than and threatened with a TDY to the Magic Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. (It was with the standard Beretta. I have small hands, and to me the Beretta was so heavy I had to hold it with both hands to keep it steady enough to even squeeze off an accurate shot.)
But I don’t want to have to think that civil authority has been so degraded, that the soft power of the commune and neighborhood has been so destroyed that having a gun in the house is essential. I don’t want to acknowledge that things have become so horrible that we need to take this precaution. Call me a pacifist wuss, call me a freeloader on all my neighbors who do have guns, call me a starry-eyed optimist… but to have a gun in my house would mean to me that we have descended to the law of the jungle, that the SAPD is useless and ineffectual, that things have gone to the point where we cannot depend on civil compacts at all. I am just not at the point— just yet— where I can do that.

So, I will have the dog. She is very sweet, my daughter says, very well mannered and protective. I can’t begin to imagine how she will get along with the cats. I think I will call her “Lesser-Weevil”… because (to steal a line from “Master and Commander”… she will be the lesser of two evils. Although the cats might have a different opinion, of course.

14. December 2005 · Comments Off on With Apologies to the Silhouettes… · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General, Working In A Salt Mine...

Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Got a job Sha na na na, sha na na na na

Yes indeedy, sportsfans, full and regular employment awaits the lovely and multi-talented Sgt. Mom, as of Friday, 8:00AM…. after three months as a temp mostly at the Enormous Corporate Giant, and pretty well resigning myself to the fact that very few enterprises would be looking to hire new staff until after the holidays… which would mean another couple of weeks after Christmas laboring in the vinyards of the E-C-G.

This whole thing happened as fast as a drive-by shooting, a message from one of the temp services about a possible job on my home phone last night. I called them first thing this morning, from the E-C-G:
“Oh, we really want to put your resume in front of this client…is it still current?”
“Well, pretty much, just tell him I’ve been temping since August for “Insert Major Temp Service Here”.”
“When can you do an interview?”
“Well, I can work with the manager here, and be free on Friday, last thing.”
“Ummm… well, he really wants to have someone start first thing… he’s coming in this morning to interview a possible… could you be here at 11:15?”

This agency is about ten minutes drive away from the palatial premises of the E-C-G, I can kiss off a lunch hour, or a little more, in the service of my eventual economic salvation. The backlong of work I was assigned to expedite for the E-C-G has been accomplished since mid-morning on Monday, and the area manager (a darling and accomplished woman) is very pleased with this, and otherwise inclined to be sympathetic to my quest for gainful long-term employment that does not involve two hours of travel out of my day. (I have better things to be doing with those hours, life being too short to spend them trudging the endless corridors of the E-C-G, or coping with San Antonio’s interminable traffic lights and jammed expressways.)

So, clock out, with the area manager’s best wishes, and allowing ten minutes to get to the VEV and off the E-C-G’s single zip-code encompassing premises, and ten to get down to the agency….

Foiled. The traffic light at a fairly major intersection is not functioning, and I spend the whole twenty minutes I have allotted to travel sitting in gridlocked traffic and fuming. This is the classic nightmare, horribly and embarrassingly late for an important appointment, second only to running in, trailing a length of toilet paper from your foot. I rush into the agency at half past the hour, apologizing and saying to the interviewer,
“I am so sorry… can you please imagine me in a suit, and not panting for breath?”

Fortunately, everyone got caught in the same traffic… and the interview goes very well. Of course, just about every interview I have done over the last five months I think I have done very well… well, maybe not the one where I told the CEO (in answer to the question “What would you do for me?”) “Get you properly organized… and bring in a vacuum cleaner and vacuum this office”. The place was a grubby pit in a warehouse an impossible drive away, and I didn’t really want that job anyway— it would have killed my soul, walking into it every day, with fluff on the turd-colored carpet and waterstains on the suspended cieling tiles.

Well, the agency called this afternoon–I have got the job. Well, that was a welcome surprise…. I shall think of it as my very welcome and most unexpected Christmas Present.

14. December 2005 · Comments Off on Keeping The Pagan In Christmas · Categories: Ain't That America?, The Funny

I have just heard of the campaign of radio talk show host Martha Zoller and a company called Turbo Logistics, down in Georgia, to distribute signs stating “Merry Christmas” to all comers, in an effort to “keep Christ in Christmas.” But I find it quite funny that they have chosen to emblazon many of their signs with an evergreen tree – a distinctly pagan symbol of the season.

11. December 2005 · Comments Off on RIP Richard Pryor · Categories: Ain't That America?, Memoir

You were one funny mother fucker.

04. December 2005 · Comments Off on Operation A BIT OF HOME · Categories: Ain't That America?, Home Front, Iraq: The Good

Here’s one I haven’t heard about before and I like what they’re about:

While my wife was in Iraq, I started Operation: A Bit of Home. My wife called me and told me she had to put on 80 lbs. of battle gear, pick up her rifle, and walk 2 miles in 140 degree heat to buy soap and tampons and toothpaste. She told me that the government does not supply any sanitary or entertainment items to our troops. I decided that I would not have my wife doing that. I started shipping boxes to her unit in Iraq, in large quantities.

One day I got a phone call from a place in Baghdad called Freedom Rest. They stated they were the only R&R facility in Iraq for our troops. They get soldiers that have been in combat, on convoys, or high stress dangerous situations and give them 3 days and nights of R&R, good food, a pool, games, a soft bed and goodies. They process hundreds of soldiers in-and-out each day. By supplying hygiene, snack and entertainment items to Freedom Rest, we have directly affected the lives of over 23,000 soldiers.

They told me the government provides basic foods, linens etc., but all hygiene, snack and entertainment items come from donations, and asked if I could help. I am one of the few groups that actually have been asked to send supplies.

I know there are a lot of charities for the troops out there, but these facts set us apart from the rest:

1. We supply a facility for stressed troops, not individuals. We have eliminated the problem of NCOs and officers hording the boxes. We do not send things to the same troops over and over,

2. Our website tells people how to send their own boxes, how to fill out the US Postal forms, gives packing tips and lists of needed items, and most importantly, we give out the address to send it to. We do not post names of individual soldiers, a very dangerous thing to do. If Al Qaeda knows where a National Guard unit is from, and has names, they could potentially find and endanger soldier’s families just by using a phone book!

3. Although the website does accept donations from folks who want us to do all the work, we encourage people to do it themselves, give them the tools, and hope to encourage a sense of civic pride. We do civic presentations and assist groups in completing their “Public Service” obligations.

4. We don’t sell a bunch of overpriced “Boxes” like others do.

We are working with several organizations to help them develop their own programs.

I could go on forever, but if you visit our website, or Google Us, you will find we are legitimate.

A short mention on people’s blogs could do more for us than months of our pounding the streets and working the phones. A link on your mail list or your homepage would work wonders also.

Please visit our website, google us, and tell your friends about us. Every dime of donations goes to shipping and buying needed items. No one is paid, we have no overhead, and we care about the troops. We continue to send even when donations are thin using our personal Credit Cards.

Thank you and please visit www.OperationaBitofHome.com

Supporting the troops means more than placing a yellow ribbon on your car.

Thanks for your support

Ken Meyer
Founder
Operation: A Bit of Home

During Desert Storm we had the wonderful support of “Any Service Member” mail and I don’t think we had to buy a can of shaving creme, a bottle of shampoo, toothpaste, or a stick of deordorant unless we really wanted to, which was good because the AAFES tent or baby BX often was out of…just about everything. For operational and security reasons, “Any Service Member” mail is pretty much gone. These folks seem to have found a way to fill that void. And if you don’t think that a real shower with real soap and some anti-perspirant makes any difference, you have never been the kind of dirty that a week in the desert can get you. You can’t stand the smell of yourself and every part of your body is covered in powdered grit.

01. December 2005 · Comments Off on 97 Channels…And Nothing On · Categories: Ain't That America?, General, Media Matters Not, Rant, sarcasm, That's Entertainment!

How pathetic is this… with all the riches of the wealthiest nation on earth (supposedly) at our command, and our culture alleged to bestride the known world like a colossus… but there is still not much on the TV broadcast channels to amuse me on a regular basis. The weekly TV guide is beginning to depress me, almost as much as actually having to buckle down and watch the resulting many-times-digested-and-regurgitated pap, piddle and trivia. I am only grateful I don’t work as a TV reviewer, and would have to watch it all, as a condition of employment. But at least, I would be paid for having done so, which would take the edge off, somewhat. Having a lobotomy might also do the trick… might this be passed off as a business expense for TV reviewers?

My local TV listings in this year of our lord 2005 leaves me wondering of this operation has been performed on those who have a responsibility for the programs gracing (if that is the word that can be used) the broadcast channel schedule. It is almost immediately apparent that all originality, creativity, and genius has fled to the cable channels, the ones that are bundled into a package that I can’t … or won’t pay to get, not if they come at a premium. I just can’t justify to myself paying more than 45$ a month for fifty channels, not when I am interested in only watching two or three of them. I think I’ll just save the money, and buy an interesting series on DVD down the road a ways.

But I do have the basic minimum broadcast channels, and oh, what a depressing prospect that is: wall to wall doctors, lawyers and cops… lots and lots of cops. Whatever interesting concept there once existed about any of those has been wrung dry of originality by copy-catting years ago. Old doctors, young doctors… young lawyers, prosecutors (who the hell cast that woman on “Close to Home” as a prosecuting attorney— she looks like a particularly earnest Brownie Scout, not a law school graduate), defense lawyers, private investigators, military lawyers and psychic investigators, crime scene investigators, military investigators…I don’t wanna even think about the CSI episode which aired last week, about the guy who ate himself to death. Who the hell programmed that for Thanksgiving evening? I damn near barfed! Grossing out the audience is not a good long term strategy, although maybe a collection of CSI autopsy scenes might work as a diet aid.

I will give a tiny cheer to “Cold Case”, though… for the really quite expertly crafted excursions into the past. See, you can do different eras quite convincingly on a weekly TV series, how come we are all stuck in the present, which we know all too depressingly well!? And next season, according to Drudge, the flav of the upcoming broadcast TV year is post-apocalyptic America, after some unfortunate series of events. Gee, one wonders if that cheery and disastrous prospect—picturing Middle America all gone to chaos and anarchy—isn’t giving certain coastal elites a woody of sufficient strength and duration to support a couple of concrete blocks and an small anvil. (Note to the bicoastal cultural elites— Middle America is the place where they have guns and tend to know their neighbors. Word to the wise, ‘kay?)

Shit, doesn’t anyone else in TV land have an original, interesting, non-medical, non-legal, non-law-enforcement job? I can’t even bring myself to watch the reality shows: an assortment of people coping with a bizarre collection of real-world and artificial challenges, showing off for an audience and either allying with or backbiting each other— I thought that is what the blogosphere is for. As it is, about the only show where I can’t see plot developments coming a mile away is “Lost”. I just hope that the creators and writers for that show have a seriously planned and mapped story arc in mind, and that all these odd little incidents do have an eventual point, and aren’t just thrown in every week on a whim; weird for the sake of weird, as “Twin Peaks” eventually turned out to be. Like, why the heck does Jack have a seriously military appearing tat, and where is the tree-trampling, air-crew snatching monster these days? I eagerly await any explanation of these matters; secure in the confidence that it won’t be anything I would have worked out already… which is why I keep tuning in, every week.

To see something different, surprising, amusing, unexpected… entertaining, even. That’s what I watch TV for; to be entertained, and not to be bored, insulted or nauseated. And that I am bored, insulted and nauseated on such a regular basis… well, I can only think that perhaps the broadcast channels don’t really want me to watch. And I am happy to oblige. I have enough good stuff on tape or DVD to go for the next couple of seasons. Think on that, major media sources, when you are trying to sell advertising time.

How cool, here we sit in Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, waiting for our flight to Denver. Tickets all bought, reservations all made, now I’m live blogging on the wi-fi here. I hope my daughter got more sleep last night thanI did. r-u-f-f! It was something like 10 PM by the time we finished packing and left. Then there was a 2-hr drive to get in position for the ride to the airport this morning.

OK, soon time to go. Then we’ll be in Denver and environs. Tomorrow is practice for the wedding, and on Friday it’s the real thing. Then as Joe and Sheri take their honeymoon, we go do our visiting thing, stopping by my old unit, etc.

Take care friends, we’ll be back here next week!

28. November 2005 · Comments Off on Spirit of America Continues Holiday Drive · Categories: Ain't That America?, GWOT, Iraq: The Good

Spirit of America has launched a fundraising campaign that began last week and will run through the end of this year. Bloggers have joined together in the past to get the word out and this time we’re joined by Gen Tommy Franks and Senator John McCain.


Spirit of America’s mission is to extend the goodwill of the American people to assist those advancing freedom, democracy and peace abroad. We provide support to those on the front lines: American military and civilian personnel and people who call to Americans for help in their struggle for freedom and democracy.

Spirit of America is a 501c3 nonprofit supported solely through private-sector contributions. We do not receive funding from the government or military. Your donation is 100% tax-deductible.

Please check out the videos and and the website and see if you can’t help our folks in Iraq and Afghanistan show the people there the true spirit of the American people. You generosity can make a world of difference.

27. November 2005 · Comments Off on Small Children/Public Spaces · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, General, Memoir

So there is a kerfuffle (expounded on here, with links) about small children behaving badly in public places, and how on earth two different sets of people can peacefully co-exist; those people who would like to enjoy a cup of coffee or a fine meal, or an excursion to someplace of interest in peace and quiet… and those people who would like to do so, accompanied by children. And there is the third set of people, those owners and proprietors of such places, who want very much to cater to both sets, and somehow avoid the incoming fire from both parties as well as lawsuits, should misbehaving little monsters somehow manage to injure themselves or others.

Honestly, it’s not really about children, actually – it’s more about parents who can’t or won’t insist on a certain degree of decorum from their offspring, little caring that while they will put up with a lot from their offspring, other people are not so obliged. I speak of one who has been there, in all three capacities; as the parent of a willful child of a particularly tempestuous nature, as a horrified witness to parental malpractice in public spaces, and as a contract employee in a department store, observing children who were charming, well-behaved and polite, and others who were clearly running amuck.

I worked once with another single-parent female NCO whose kindergarten age son was a horror— she would never, ever, follow through on a warning or a threat when he disobeyed. Every other experienced parent within earshot would cringe, whenever she said, in that uncertain, pleading voice “Sugar, don’t do (whatever he was heading straight for doing) – you don’t want to be in time-out, do you?” Whereas it was perfectly clear he didn’t give a shit for time-out or any other of her pathetic threats, and I would think, despairingly, ‘If he doesn’t have any respect for you now, what in the hell are you going to do when he is a hulking teenager and a foot taller than you?’ She never, ever, delivered on any threat made in public hearing, and of course, her son was a willful little monster – and one with plenty of company, as I saw in that brief season when I worked retail, and observed the horror of snotty-nosed, sticky-handed small children heading straight for the designer clothing racks. I had a special technique for those children, though; I would appear noiselessly among the racks, and murmur confidently; “Darling, you had best go back to your mommy – do you know what we do with unattached children at closing time? Security takes them away, and those who aren’t adopted by store staff are raised to be sales associates; where do you think we get new store staff?” This would usually reattach them to their parental unit as if they had been velcroed there, although there were a small percentage of children and parental units who upon hearing this, looked hopeful and said “Really??!!” (Working at the same department section, Blondie was much less subtle— she would tell the same sticky-handed small children that the fur coats were only sleeping, that they were chained to the racks to prevent them from waking up and leaping down to fall upon and eat small, disobedient children.)

At the end of the day, my sympathies are split, but with a large chunk of it being with those parents who have children to do behave well in public (or mostly behave well) but catch it in the neck, anyway. There’s nothing quite as agonizing as going into an upscale San Francisco restaurant with a toddler — who for a change is behaving rather well — and being treated like some sort of leper by the waiter. Whom I left with a 25 cent tip, by the way. Unlike the waiter in a similar restaurant the night before, who fussed over my daughter, and brought her some crackers and finger food along with my menu, to while away the minutes until my order was ready. I have always counted myself lucky that Blondie’s terrible twos coincided with our PCS to Greece, where it seemed that children were admired, and petted and indulged universally – but usually managed to behave themselves in public.

The occasional horrific temper-tantrum— like the time she threw a glass on the floor in a pizza restaurant in Glyphada, screamed her head off, and bit me on the forearm so hard I had a lump there for months — were passed over with equanimity by the waiter and everyone else present. ‘Children— eh, they will be children,’ seemed to be the waiter’s attitude, as he swept up the glass, and no one turned a hair when I spanked her just outside the front door. I couldn’t help noticing how differently children, and their parents were treated in Greece, how much less nerve-racking going out into public spaces in Greece with her actually was, even though I still couldn’t count on much beyond fifteen or twenty minutes of good behavior from her in any one venue. I couldn’t help noticing how everyone noticed children, paid attention to them, petted them, indulged them with treats and admiration, gave extravagant notice of how important they were, how special and cherished – valued not just by their parents, but everyone, from the granny in the hardware store where I bought propane bottles giving her a bit of penny candy, to the priest in the square by the Metropolitan Cathedral, giving her a blessing and a little icon the size of a baseball trading card. I also couldn’t help noticing that children in Greece were confident and secure – sometimes a little brash – but almost always quite well behaved and out and about with their parents everywhere.

It was such a contrast to what it had been in the States, before we transferred. It just seemed like they liked children a whole lot more, and were a lot more indulgent about bad behavior – but there was a lot less bad behavior around. Were children liked and indulged because they were fairly well-mannered. Or were they well-mannered because they were liked and indulged? I’ll leave the sociologists to figure out that one.