So, we went to the radio station’s annual staff Christmas party last night; generously catered with comestibles supplied by some of San Antonio’s finest. There were also, as Blondie described it, a fine assortment of tasty adult beverages, but no – this is public radio, so the drunken revelry was at a fairly well-controlled level. I bored the socks off a couple of hapless spouses by telling them more than they possibly ever wanted to know about Republic-era Texas and the entrepreneurial scheme and the perils of POD publishing and book-marketing. Blondie renewed acquaintance with that handful of staff members who recalled her as a high-school student volunteer working in the phone room during pledge drives.

The nearest we all came to a riotously party-hearty atmosphere was during the gift exchange, which was the white-elephant gift “Bad Santa” exchange. Everyone brought something of small value and occasionally dubious taste, suitably gift-wrapped. At the height of the evening revels, we each took a turn and drew a gift from the pile. The hope is that you go home with something a little more desirable, or at least, not as hideous and/or useless as what you brought, but this is a chancy preposition.

The rules of Bad Santa are open to negotiation, but the general custom is that someone drawing a gift can exchange it, unopened, for something that someone already has opened. Sometimes there is a limit on how often a desirable gift can bounce from person to person – and there are occasionally rather desirable items salted in among the white-elephants, which can make for a very lively exchange. At one unit I belonged to which did this, a set of lottery tickets, and a pair of hearts and teddy-bear printed boxer shorts proved to be in demand… whereas an awful plant container of hand-painted cast plaster in the shape of a tree stump with a squirrel on it had been around the Christmas exchange block for five or six years in a row. The unlucky soul who got stuck with it, returned it for subsequent Bad Santa exchanges; for all I know, it may still be in circulation, unless someone struck a blow for good taste in decorating and smashed it into little tiny bits..

The most popular items last night was a game of Texas Monopoly, a pair of Lord of the Rings bookends and a universal remote in the shape of a calculator the size of a roofing shingle – yes sir, try and misplace that puppy sometime. Least popular? I’d guess that was the 2005 road atlas. Well, the rules do say ‘white elephant’… I lost two boxes of gourmet dog treats and came home with a metal bowl trimmed with antlered deer heads. Not the least sure what I will do with it, although it might make a jazzy pet dish for Weevil or Spike.

Blondie and I are heading out to California tomorrow to spend Christmas with Mom and Dad and the rest of the family. We’re taking Blondie’s laptop, but Mom and Dad are not anywhere near being in tune with the internet age. I may be able to check in from a wifi spot alleged to be located in the public library in Valley Center… or I may not. Have a Merry Christmas, happy New Year and all that. We’ll be back after New Years, at the Same Old, Same Old.

(In the meantime, could someone occasionally approve comments and empty out the spam queue? Thanks – Sgt Mom)

06. December 2007 · Comments Off on Egg in a Basket · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

We watched “V for Vendetta” again a couple of weeks ago. Two of the characters in the movie make “eggs (eggies) in a basket” for Evey.

I think I’ve had that for breakfast about four times since then.

It’s simple, heat a fry pan with butter or butter flavored low fat spray, tear a hole in the middle of a piece of bread, put the bread in the hot butter/spray, crack an egg and put it in the hole. Fry until you can see the bottom of the egg get solid white. Flip. I add a piece of swiss cheese to the top and let it melt because there’s not enough in there that’s bad for your heart.

Simple, plain, good food. Ya can’t buy this anywhere and I wouldn’t want to.

20. November 2007 · Comments Off on Beautiful Wife’s Cranberry Chutney · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

This is a recipe Beautiful Wife has been using for about 10 years. I know the holidays are coming when I start to smell this throughout the house.

Beautiful Wife’s Cranberry Chutney (Adopted from Father Pat’s Recipe and it may be exactly the same, but after 10 years, God only knows.)

4 Cups whole cranberries
1 2/3 Cup Sugar (Splenda works great for anyone cooking for a diabetic)
1 Tsp Fresh Ginger
½ Cup (1 Med) Chopped Onion
½ Cup Thinly Sliced Celery
½ Cup (1 Med) Apple (Peeled, Cored, Chopped)
1 Cup Seedless Raisins
1 Tblspn Ground Cloves
1 Cup Water

Combine cranberries, raisins, sugar, ginger, cloves and water in a large saucepan and bring to a boil. Stir frequently. This is a good time to prep/chop the onion, celery and apple. When cranberries start to pop/split, stir in onion, apple and celery. Bring back to a boil, then lower to a simmer for 15 minutes.

If canned in sterilized jars and properly sealed can be stored on pantry shelf for quite a long time. Otherwise, refrigerate. Serve as you would with cranberry sauce, use as jelly, or as a marinade. Good with any meat, not just turkey. Great as a topping for oatmeal or on crackers with cream cheese.

Venomous Kate posted her stuffing recipe too.

Here’s a question…why do southerners think that their stuffing is the “authentic” kind? Didn’t yankees start the whole Thanksgiving thing?

Other recipes welcome.

01. July 2007 · Comments Off on Ratatouille – Review · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, That's Entertainment!

If ever there was a movie that would give you the serious munchies, this is it. Ratatouille may not the first big foodie movie, but it is definitely the first animated foodie movie, and luscious on every level. Visually, it’s a feast; The Paris skyline cannot possibly look as beautiful in real life as it does here, in this tale of a young rat with dreams beyond his station in life.
Remy (voiced by Patton Oswalt) has a discriminating palate, and an unstoppable urge to be a chef, inspired by a cookbook “Anyone Can Cook” written by late five-star chef Auguste Gusteau and watching too many hours of the French version of the Food Network. When Remy and his whole rat-clan must depart their country home at speed, Remy is separated from the other rats. By chance, he finds his way through the sewers of Paris, and winds up in the holy of holies: Chef Gusteau’s restaurant kitchen, now run by his none-too-ethical senior, Chef Skinner (voiced by Ian Holm).

He teams up with the very junior Linguini (voice of Lou Romano), the garbage-boy, pot-washer and general help, desperately inept and just as desperate to keep his job. While Remy can understand Linguini and human speech in general, Linguini cannot understand him. But with practice, they work a means; Remy sits on his head and pulls at his hair; he is the chef, Linguini his means. Can they meet the exacting standards of the uber-restaurant-critic, Anton Ego (voiced by Peter O’Toole)? Well, of course… this is a movie with a happy ending, but how they do it, with the aid of Remy’s family is where the fun of it lies.

This is one of those animated movies with an absolutely painterly aesthetic, as complicated and gorgeous as one of those 19th century academic visions. The restaurant kitchen where much of the action takes place is a real, tactile place, and the action is non-stop. I am left to wonder if Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential had some influence, especially with the characters of the other kitchen staff. It would have been nice to for them to have had a little more of the action, but never mind. I am sure I missed most of the sight gags, on the first time through; not the send-ups of the cooking magazine covers that featured the late Chef Gusteau, though. This is another one of those rare and lovely movie treasures like Chicken Run, which adults and children can enjoy together… although they probably will be laughing at different things.

(crossposted at BNN, here)

So, we went to see Ratatouille this afternoon, and are still giggling. I will do a review tomorrow, when I am finished giggling.

Or, I may be giggling until next weekend. To tide you over, a recipe for “ratatouille”… in which no rats are harmed.

Combine in an 3-quart ovenproof casserole:

3 TBsp olive oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 clove minced garlic
1 1-lb eggplant, cut into 1-inch cubes
2 medium zucchini, cut in 1-inch slices
1 1-lb can whole tomatoes and their juice, chopping tomatoes roughly with a spoon
1 tsp basil leaves
1/2 tsp salt

Cover and bake in a 400 deg.oven for about two hours, until vegetables are very soft, uncovering and stirring once or twice. Serve garnished with parsley.

(from Sunset “French Cookbook” 1976 edition“)

As an aperitif, the website for the movie.

And I am still blegging for funds to cover printing and publicity for my next book, “To Truckee’s Trail.”

PS: The introductory short to this is a hoot, too!

10. February 2007 · Comments Off on Beer, Rock and Roll, and European Bureaucracy · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, Working In A Salt Mine...

I just returned a few days ago from Munich, having had to respond to a Summons for Oral Proceedings at the European Patent Office. It was quite an experience – much more formal than the equivalent process in the USPTO. The issue related to a patent application that has been wending its way through their system for several years, and has been repeatedly rejected for a lack of inventive step. After about 3 ½ hours of debating the topic they finally conceded that it was indeed patentable. We don’t win them all, but a victory in the EPO is particularly sweet.

I had planned on doing some blogging while there, but could not bring myself to pay an additional $25/day for broadband access. Watching TV was not much of an option either given that the only English language choice is CNN International. I am completely burned out on the left wing bias of US MSM, but it is nothing in comparison to the Hate America tone in Europe. The release of the UN study on global warming had the European media in a frenzy over US refusal to sign the Kyoto accords, particularly ironic given the concurrently running story of China bringing on something like 5,000 coal fired generation facilities over the next few years.

Oh well, the beer was good. Red Haired Girl asked me to get a souvenir to give to her (yikes!!) boyfriend. I had a craving for a decent burger and fries anyway, so I headed to the Hard Rock Café to kill two birds with one stone. While there I struck up a conversation with a group in the midst of travelling to thirty some-odd cities to collect HRC guitar pins. These people are passionate about their hobby. In any case, I persuaded them to help out with some free Daily Brief publicity. Hopefully at least the gentleman holding the sign will be a new reader.

HRC - Munich

I will likely be travelling to Romania in the next several weeks, so I will try to get some new pictures with a vampire theme.

In the meantime, I am anxiously awaiting the onset of spring weather. There is a fine brisket in my freezer with an appointment with the smoker.

14. January 2007 · Comments Off on Redneck Toffee/Chocolate Bars · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

I’m sure they’re called something else. My Mom calls them “Cracker Candy” which I guess could translate to Redneck Toffee/Chocolate Bars but…

Face is, you’ve got a lot of leftover chocolate and brown sugar from your holiday cooking. Here’s a great way to get rid of some of it. Use the recipe down below as your guide.

Groceries:

1 Tube Saltine Crackers (WITH Salt)

6-10 Hershey’s Chocolate Bars

2 Sticks of Butter

1 Cup Light Brown Sugar

Pecans or Walnuts

Aluminum Foil

Preheat oven to 400.

Cover a cookie sheet (preferably the kind with a lip all around it) with aluminum foil.

Line a tube of Saltine Crackers, Salt Side Up, end to end on your cookie sheet.
Melt Butter over low heat. Add brown sugar slowly until it makes a caramel like mixture. Do NOT let the sugar carmalize, simple melt it into the butter until smooth.
Pour and spread the toffee over the crackers.

Bake for 5 minutes. The toffee mixture will drip into your oven if you don’t use a sheet with a lip all around and if you’re not familiar with the smell of burning sugar…well…let’s say it’s a great way to test your smoke alarms.
Cover the now bubbling crackers with the chocolate bars, “HERSHEY’S” side down.

Wait until the top of the chocolate appears wet and spread it around. Add nuts.
This time of year, stick it outside in your garage for about an hour, otherwise freeze for at least an hour.

When good and set, break it into bite sized pieces and keep in a airtight containers.

Don’t worry about a shelf-life. You won’t have any left over after a couple of days if you have ANYONE with a sweet tooth in your house.

24. December 2006 · Comments Off on Christmas Eve Surprise · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, Memoir, Pajama Game

Some few Christmases ago, when Blondie was still stationed at Camp Pendleton, and my personal economics allowed me to fly out to California to spend the holiday at Mom and Dads’ house, my daughter and youngest brother conceived a grand scheme to give them a large color TV for Christmas.

Blondie and Sander also wanted to surprise them, and a huge box under the Christmas tree, no matter how cunningly wrapped, just would not deliver the same element of surprise… no, my daughter and my little brother had worked out a cunning plan to remove the old television, which had been inherited from Granny Dodo’s estate, install the new one, and gift-wrap the remote in a little box which would be in Mom’s Christmas stocking. They could pull this off because the television normally resided on a shelf of its own in a wall of books and cupboards, with a pair of louvered shutters closed over the screen. It was one of Mom’s enduring standards about television; that it be out of sight when not actually being watched, if not out of the living room entirely.

Such was the plan, but for the maximum surprise to be achieved, several challenges had to be worked out: the installation would have to be done after we were all done watching television on Christmas Eve, and Mom and Dad would have to be out of the house. The old TV would need to be unhooked from the antenna and VCR, and the new one put into its place, and all the evidence removed. Blondie and Sander estimated they would need at least twenty minutes. The optimal time to perform this substitution would be while everyone was at midnight candle-light service, at a church in Escondido, about half an hours’ drive away. As soon as they were out of the way, Blondie and Sander would set it all up and follow the rest of us in his car; hopefully not missing too much of the service. After all, this was one of the two official times per year when Dad actually set foot in church.

On some pretext, Blondie and Sander would lag behind, while all the rest of us; Mom and Dad and I, Pippy and her husband and the children, and JP and I would head down the hill to church service in several cars. And Blondie had sworn me to secrecy; my part in the plot was to make sure that Mom and Dad left the house on time. The new television was outside in the back of Sanders’ car, having been hidden at a neighbors’ house… oh, yeah, everyone was in on this, except for Mom and Dad, and possibly the pastor and church council.

At about twenty to eleven, Mom began reminding us all to change into something suitable for the midnight service. Dad turned off the television and closed the shutter doors, an event we all noted with covert interest, before Blondie and I went to the guest room to change. Blondie was going to wear her dress uniform… this always went over well with Mom’s friends at church, who were heavily into competition on the grandchild front. And her excuse for lagging behind would be an inability to locate one of her dress pumps, which she had carefully hidden under the bed.

So, everyone was ready but Blondie, with one shoe in her hand and making a pretense of frazzlement as she looked for the other, Dad was looking at his watch, Pip and her husband had rounded up the children, and were herding them towards their vehicle out in the driveway. In accordance with the agreed-upon plan, I put on a bit of a frazzled look myself (really, I am a better actress than most people give me credit for) and announced that Blondie can’t find her shoe, and that we should leave now. Sander chimed in on cue: he would stay and help her look, and catch up with us in his car.
“Don’t you have another pair of shoes you can wear?” Mom asks.
“No, I only brought the one set of dress pumps,” Blondie answered. No one even suggested that she borrow a pair; for a start, she wears a size nine and a half.
“It must be in the guest room,” Dad said determinedly, “Five minutes, we’ll take everything apart and look for it.” He and Mom looked like they were about to drop everything and look for the damned shoe. It meant a lot to them to have Blondie show up in uniform.
“Give us another minute, we didn’t look under the bed.” Blondie and I retreated to the bedroom and close the door.
“You’re got to get them out of there!” Blondie hissed at me.
“Give me a minute… OK, got it.” Of course… how devious. Devious, but effective.” I put on my coat, and picked up my purse. Down the hall, Mom was fussing around with her own coat and scarf.
“Did Blondie find her shoe?” she asked, and I whispered, conspiratorially
“It’s not lost, it’s just an excuse for the two of them to stay behind and set up a surprise present for Dad. Forget about the shoe; just get Dad out of here.”
I found Dad pacing up and down in the solarium
“Did you find it?” he asked, and I lowered my voice again,
“It’s just a ruse, so Blondie and Sander can stay behind and bring in Mom’s surprise Christmas present… just get her out of here, so they can get to work.”
Dad looked amused; he has always liked this sort of intrigue and with a minimum of fuss, they both headed for the car, with me trailing after and congratulating myself on my efficiency and guile.

And so it went according to plan… all except for Sander and Blondie getting to church after service had started, not knowing that they had locked the door into the sanctuary because of the late hour, and having to pound on the doors until the ushers let them in. The next morning, Mom unwrapped her first gift, and looked at the new TV remote with great bewilderment. Under all our expectant eyes Sander opened the doors to the TV cabinet with a great flourish… and Mom and Dad were both very, very surprised.

Merry Christmas… May all your surprises be the nice ones!!

03. December 2006 · Comments Off on Ice Cream Scoop · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

We are ice cream junkies. I’ve managed to detox down to one (maybe two) pint(s) of Ben and Jerry’s a week. At one time I had a pint a day habit, I’m proud of myself for the reduction, don’t push it. I open a pint, I just toss the lid on the kitchen floor for Max to lick clean and tear apart. Beautiful Wife is the same way. Sometimes one of us will buy a gallon of Rocky Road or Bunny Tracks, and Boyo is a “Two scoops, in a bowl, when you get a chance please.” kind of guy. Vanilla. There is no other flavor as far as he’s concerned. He’s 10, give him a break.

I can’t count how many ice cream scoops we’ve gone through in our first four years of marriage. We’ve bought countless scoops that have a trigger or a lever that runs a band of steel through the scoop to release the ice cream. They’ve all broken. We’ve looked in cooking specialty shops, but I’m not paying $50.00 for an ice cream scoop, besides, most of them look like an amped up version of the ones you can get at Walmart or the Commissary and those are, as Pablo would say, “teh suck.” I’d rather not find myself heavily caffinated and armed in a Crate and Barrel demanding my $50.00 back.
Friends gave us this scoop ten years ago when we were in Germany. She was a Tupperware Lady and didn’t try to recruit Beautiful Wife, so…a REAL friend. We just had to replace it because we paid no attention to the note to not machine wash it and the finish was getting to be more like a bastard file than a slippery chrome. We didnt’ flinch at the $21.00 price. This is the BEST ice cream scoop I’ve ever used. If you don’t machine wash it, it will prolly last much longer than 10 years. Okay, eight years, we were lazy about replacing it, because even when it WAS rough it worked better than anything we’ve had before.
Why do I obsess about an ice cream scoop? Because, in case you missed it, I probably scoop at least two scoops of ice cream every single day of my life. Sometimes up to eight scoops a day. I scoop a LOT of ice cream. I like a scoop that scoops HARD ice cream as easily as soft. This one does.

01. December 2006 · Comments Off on Perfect Home-Made Pizza · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

With a great deal of tinkering and experimentation, Blondie and I have worked out a pretty damn good home-made pizza, starting with this lovely crust recipe, taken from a recipe for deep-dish Chicago pizza in Cuisine at Home Issue #53 (p.8)

Combine and proof (let sit until foamy)
¾ cup warm water
1 T sugar
1 pkg or 2 ¼ t dry yeast
2 T olive oil

Blondie usually adds a couple of T’s of chopped fresh or dried herbs to this: cilantro, rosemary, oregano, garlic to the yeast mixture. It gives the crust a certain oomph.

In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine:
2 cups all purpose flour (We use King Arthur bread flour)
1/3 cup yellow cornmeal
2 t kosher salt

Add the yeast mixture and knead on low speed for 10 minutes, or until smooth. Form into a ball and place in a lightly oiled bowl, turning once to cover with oil. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise until doubled, about 1 hour. Punch down, roll into a ball again, return to bowl, cover and let rise again for another hour.

This makes enough dough for two 16-inch thin-crust pizzas or 2 9-10 inch deep-crust pizzas made in an iron skillet. (We have one of those patent pizza pans, with tiny holes drilled through. This would also work on a pizza stone.)The trick is to roll out the dough, and pre-bake for about 10 minutes in a 450 degree oven, on the bottom shelf. The other trick is to cover the baked dough with thin slices of mozzarella cheese (the original deep-dish recipe calls for a layer of very thin sliced deli ham) to keep the crust from getting all soggy. When the baked crust is lightly brown, take it out of the oven, and cover it with the insulating layer of cheese. Then, spread out about a cup of good bottled marinara sauce (Newmans’ is excellent!) over the top of each pizza— not to much, it will overflow, or make the crust soggy. Top with all the various toppings that you favor: thin-sliced onions, mushrooms, cooked crumbled sausage, pepperoni, etc. Don’t pile on too much, this will have to cook through, in a hot oven in a very short time. Top with shredded mozzarella, and sprinkles of whatever extra herbs you may like, but with the herbs in the dough, additions are not necessary. Bake again, in the 450 degree oven until cheese is just lightly melted.

(The dough can also be frozen, and thawed again, if you don’t have a need for two pizzas.)

29. November 2006 · Comments Off on Custom of the Season: Pt 2 · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

Gift giving becomes a hassle when you don’t really know the person very well, and a gift of some sort is obligatory (bosses, co-workers) , or you know them really well but have given them practically everything they want/need on previous occasions (parents and siblings), or they already have everything already (grandparents.)
Books are a good fall-back for me, as far as gifting my nearest and dearest, but an even better all-purpose gift is something to eat, and I don’t mean a plate of rock-hard Christmas cookies or one of those little baskets from Swiss Colony with the triangular little packets of cheese-food that taste like a pair of cruddy gym-socks smell, or one of those lavish and overpriced catalogue numbers. (Although I love Harry & David fruit baskets, ever since we got one at the office one year: oh, yum. The office staff fought viciously over the apples and pears.) I mean a carefully constructed food basket, and no, you do not need Martha Stewarts’ skills…or her pocketbook.

My favorite gift food-basket starts with a cookbook: any cookbook. Those tiny specialty cookbooks about the size of a Beatrix Potter book, the thin paper-bound books that used to be given away by companies, any of the Sunset cookbooks… really, anything that has some nice recipes in it that would appeal to the recipient. You do not want to build a basket around a cookbook of sweets for someone that is a diabetic, or a book of barbequed meats for a vegan. I score cookbooks of this kind at Half Price Books, but any source for literary overruns and overstocks is fine.

Pick a recipe out of the book, mark the recipe with a book mark, or a piece of ribbon… and measure out all the ingredients for it in appropriate containers, carefully labeled and packaged. I have bought little bottles and cellophane bags, and sheets of labels at the Container Store, or hobby shop, or at the local big-box import place. You can also purchase sheets of shrink-wrap, or shrink-wrap bags— the kind that you can use a hair-dryer to shrink over the basket when it is all finished, and excelsior or finely shredded packing materiel at the same place.

Really, you are only limited by your budget; there is nothing to stop you from building a basket around a whole meal— but if perishables are included, either assemble at the last minute, or keep refrigerated. Include in a bottle of wine, or a loaf of bakery bread, if you like, and any fancy accessories you can afford. I have done baskets based on a recipe for tea bread, and adorned it with a wooden spoon or an inexpensive metal whisk. I did a basket for the head of the firm I worked for two Christmases ago with the recipe for this soup and a copy of the book it was taken from. The finished basket was trimmed with a bunch of bay-leaves and whole garlic clove.

It’s not strictly required to stick to items for human consumption, either: I did a basket for some friends moving into a new house in the suburbs, filled with a bird feeder, a pound of bird-seed to fill it, and a little field guide to local birds. I also did a basket for the significant other last year, which included a spa-style shower head, some aromatherapy soaking salts and male-oriented toiletries, and a really nice cotton towel. It’s not even strictly necessary to use a basket, either; just some sort of appropriate container; say, a terracotta pot for a collection of gardening supplies, or one of those big tins for a collection of gourmet popcorns, with a popper and an oven mitt, for instance.

About the baskets, though; this is the embarrassing part. To buy an empty basket at retail price will likely make it the most expensive single element, which is counterproductive to my goal of a high-end one-off gift basket at an affordable price; Neiman-Marcus quality at a Walmart cost. And the best place to find a variety of attractive baskets…(hanging my head and blushing deeply) … is at the thrift store. Goodwill, Salvation Army, even yard sales will do. I usually pay only a dollar or two. They can be washed in mild soap and warm water, or even painted with spray paint, to match the color theme (if any) of the gift. And it’s not like anyone will really be looking at the basket; they’ll be looking at the contents anyway.

So there you are: stuck for a gift for someone you only know casually? Food is always gratefully received: trust me.

27. November 2006 · Comments Off on Custom of the Season · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, Fun and Games, General, Working In A Salt Mine...

I did, on one single occasion, spend the entire Friday-after-Thanksgiving in the mall and department store. Not because I had a yen for joining the yearly Christmas-shopping exercise in masochism… but because I was working retail that year. I was on terminal leave, and job-hunting in a desultory fashion, and took a temp position in a department store which paid a salary plus commission on sales. (If nothing else, this arrangement will guarantee attentive sales staff… and besides, the employee discount was totally generous.) It was rather fun, at first; If you truly enjoy shopping, and hanging out with other women, and people-watching, who wouldn’t get a kick from hanging around a department store? But the day after Thanksgiving was all that and doing a sort of sales-floor triathlon; we were at top speed all that long day. Not much more than half an hour for lunch, no times when it slowed down long enough that you could sit down in the back room and put up your feet.
Dense crowds in the mall, cars slowly rotating the parking lots looking for that rare species, a parking place, long lines at every cash register, and workdays that stretched out so long that another sales associate lamented that the only place she could shop for Christmas, besides the store we worked in was Walmart, because it was open twenty four hours a day. I had my fill of holiday retail madness after that experience, and truth is, I usually don’t need to shop for Christmas presents during December.

That is because I am one of those tiresomely organized people who shop for Christmas throughout the year. I didn’t start out that way, honestly… it came about because of being overseas for so long. The mail deadline for sending parcels to the States, and getting them there by Christmas was routinely in October, which meant that I had to be done with shopping by the end of September. Sometimes opportunities to shop were limited, which stretched the shopping season out for a couple of months, and bumped back even thinking about what to get everyone to… oh, say early summer. Spring, even. This set the habit for me, of buying things with an eye towards Christmas… especially if they were on sale, whenever I saw them. “OOhhh, that would be perfect for (insert name here)!”, so add it to the collection in the box on the top shelf of the master suite closet. Christmas… it comes every year, just like April 15th. Putting off doing anything about buying gifts or doing the income tax return will not, will not make either of them go away. Trust me on this.

This has the advantage of being extremely easy on the pocketbook… as long as you remember who the heck you bought something for; a disadvantage with a large family. So, all I have to do during December’s retail madness is to take out the box with the gifts bought throughout the year, and wrap them… in the paper that I bought the week after Christmas of last year when it was marked down 70%.
And put up my feet and have another glass of Chablis. You’re welcome – I live to serve.

(next: Sgt. Mom’s specialty gift Christmas baskets)

10. November 2006 · Comments Off on The Birthday Message · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, History, Military

No matter where you are, what your doing or how you feel about the Marine Corps: Happy Birthday nonetheless

The following will be read to the command on the 10th of November, 1921, and hereafter on the 10th of November of every year. Should the order not be received by the 10th of November, 1921, it will be read upon receipt.

(1) On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of Continental Congress. Since that date many thousand men have borne the name “Marine”. In memory of them it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the birthday of our corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.

(2) The record of our corps is one which will bear comparison with that of the most famous military organizations in the world’s history. During 90 of the 146 years of its existence the Marine Corps has been in action against the Nation’s foes. From the Battle of Trenton to the Argonne, Marines have won foremost honors in war, and is the long eras of tranquility at home, generation after generation of Marines have grown gray in war in both hemispheres and in every corner of the seven seas, that our country and its citizens might enjoy peace and security.

(3) In every battle and skirmish since the birth of our corps, Marines have acquitted themselves with the greatest distinction, winning new honors on each occasion until the term “Marine” has come to signify all that is highest in military efficiency and soldierly virtue.

(4) This high name of distinction and soldierly repute we who are Marines today have received from those who preceded us in the corps. With it we have also received from them the eternal spirit which has animated our corps from generation to generation and has been the distinguishing mark of the Marines in every age. So long as that spirit continues to flourish Marines will be found equal to every emergency in the future as they have been in the past, and the men of our Nation will regard us as worthy successors to the long line of illustrious men who have served as “Soldiers of the Sea” since the founding of the Corps.

John A. Lejeune,
Major General Commandant

05. November 2006 · Comments Off on Friends Helping Friends · Categories: Ain't That America?, Eat, Drink and be Merry, Home Front, Pajama Game

I learned a couple of months ago that a close colleague had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that apparently is somewhat advanced. He has been undergoing chemo and radiation therapy in the hopes of reducing the tumor to an operable size. He is a fairly young man in his thirties, and recently married to a wonderful woman with two children. She was previously married and involved, respectively, with two men not particularly stable spousal material.

In order to help with the expenses and reduced disability income, several people at work organized a benefit that RHG, Real wife and I attended last night. The festivities began with a Midwestern hog roast. Loyal Readers may recall that I am a great fan of New England clambakes, but a hog roast comes close (a real Texas barbecue is on my list of things to do). How can you beat a locally slaughtered whole hog cooked over an open fire served with homemade potato salad and baked beans? We then had about an hours worth of live music by a local band composed of forty and fifty something year old rockers. Other musicians of local notoriety shared the stage throughout the night – all very good. Yours truly demurred (all I can really play well is the opening riff of Over the Hills and Far Away). The band then took a break for a couple of hours and hundreds of donated items were auctioned. Loyal Readers may also recall that I am a sucker for auctions, having furnished much of my home at local antique sales. A silent auction was held throughout the evening for numerous other items. Then the band played on until about one a.m.

The person for whom the benefit was held, in cahoots with another colleague, started Hawaiian Shirt Friday a couple of years ago. I think that the original reason was to give our then-clueless management something to be paranoid about, although I cannot confirm that to have been the motivation. In any case, a dedicated group of us wear the most outrageously hideous Hawaiian shirts every Friday, winter included. I have a nice supply of Havana Jack silk shirts purchased at a Kohl’s clearance sale, although many of the guys have found that ebay offers the ugliest. In any case, Hawaiian shirts and leis were the attire of choice for the evening.

Attendance was, in a word, unbelievable. Fire department occupancy regulations were broken. Former colleagues came from as far as San Diego and North Carolina. Real Wife and I were fortunate in finding a table early with another couple, and there were plenty of other early and pre-teens for RHG to hang out with (thereby precluding the agony of hanging out with Mom and Dad). Real Wife was a little stressed about not being able to have a cigarette given the presence of her students, until I pointed out that the parking lot was a side door away. Given the upcoming auction, we limited our intake to two bottles each of Old Milwaukee Light (the beer of the gods); RHG had sufficient ID to drink Shirley Temples. As is usually the case, the auction brought some outrageous bidding, with a strawberry pie and can of Cool-Whip going for $500. The buyer, a former irreverent (I mean Monty Python irreverent) engineer now working in San Diego, then auctioned it again – offering his face as a target for said pie. Two hundred dollars later the offer was accepted and consummated. For my part, I bought a beautiful set of red-oak mission style end tables crafted by one of our more woodworking-gifted engineers. My friend who has cancer comes from a family of Midwestern dirt track racers (You may be familiar with the Outlaw genre – open cockpit with huge V-8s and lots of wing), so the organizers requested auction items from various NASCAR teams. Almost without exception they responded with t-shirts and hats which, in these parts, are considered uniform of the day. The number 8 is huge in these parts, and it brought the biggest money.

My friend was having a good day as far as the effects of the various therapies, and was therefore able to attend. You will never find a more self-effacing, kind, and true-hearted individual. His wife, when recently asked how she was holding up, replied that he saved her life, and now it was her duty to save his. Before I left, I caught a glimpse of him standing alone, worn and tired, but yet watching lovingly at the hundreds of people who had gathered to help him and his family. It was a moment of indescribable sadness for me, knowing that the odds do not favor him. Nonetheless, I admired him for the fact that he has led his life in such a manner that so many people would come from all over the country to support him. How many of us can lay claim to that?

What have I learned from my friend? Drink milk, be an optimist, listen to what others have to say, be anxious to learn what others would teach you, and finally, be an optimist.

05. November 2006 · Comments Off on 231! Hoooorah! · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, History, Military

Reader and fellow mil-blog webmaster Will Donaldson reminded me this week… as of Sgt/Cpl Blondie wouldn’t have done so already… that the USMC ball and anniversary celebrations are this week. More information on all matters USMC at this link!

A USMC ring-tone? Mmmm. OK.

08. October 2006 · Comments Off on Road Trip · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, Pajama Game

A summer has passed with nary a blog from yours truly. And a busy one it has been. Although I have not had the time to actually sit and compose, I have taken in The Daily Brief on a, well, daily basis – or at least to the extent that I have been able to gain access to the Internet. Why is it that at Holiday Inn Express, you can get reliable wireless access at no additional charge, but at a Hilton (for $300 / night) you must pay an additional $9.95 per day for a connection that drops in and out like an old crystal radio tuned in to some far away station? My company recently equipped me with a Blackberry, which enables me to follow the blogs more easily (as long as there is Cingular service), however, I have not had any success to date using it to actually post anything – besides, they are a major pain in the a** to type on because, in the case of my particular model, most keys represent multiple characters

Anyway, my job has of late required more than normal travel, often with short notice. In the midst of that, Real wife, Red Haired Girl, and yours truly set off for north central New York to attend a family reunion. Although we usually take a plane or train, we decided this time to do a road trip. Loyal readers may recall that I bought Real Wife a new Jeep Grand Cherokee Ltd. (yes, with a Hemi) for our wedding anniversary. It is quite the ultimate highway cruiser, and we actually achieved 21 mpg on a couple of interstate stints, with the engine mostly cruising on just 4 cylinders. Put the pedal down though and it is Katie bar the door. Most inter-city driving is pretty calm – everyone getting into a groove and generally staying out of each other’s way. In the cut and thrust of beltway driving though, particularly around Indianapolis, 340+ horsepower (I installed a K&N reduced restriction air filter) is a useful thing to have. Mileage does take a hit – we saw 16.5 mpg in one stint. What the hell though, it was fun.

I mapped our trip to follow the old route 17 (now I-86) through the southern part of New York. It is normally one of the most scenic routes in the country – not this time though. We drove through nearly 200 miles of the worst rain I have seen in years, often at elevations of over 2000 feet where we were literally in the clouds. It finally stopped north of Elmira, but the rest of the week brought several new storms and near 100-degree temperatures.

Our reunion, held at my cousin’s house near Oswego, was interrupted by a brief but intense six-inch rainfall and winds high enough to knock out power to 30,000 people. The sky did clear and the party continued. There are twelve siblings in my mother’s family, close to fifty offspring in my generation, with well over a hundred of their kids of childbearing age – you get the message – a lot of people. I saw some relatives that I had not seen since probably 1970, and many others who I did not even recognize. The male members of the family can generally be identified by a) baldness and b) a neck size of at least 16 inches. Although a few of the female members can also be so-identified, the general tip off is red hair.

We did enjoy the local foods that I grew up on – salt potatoes, clams, Italian sausage and coneys. The term coney has different meanings depending on where you are. In central New York they are a white spicy hot dog, traditionally served at 117 year-old Heid’s in Liverpool (just north of Syracuse). We bought and froze 15 pounds of them to bring back to enjoy and share with deprived midwestern friends.

On our return trip we stopped at Niagara Falls and walked to Canada to get Hard Rock Café souvenirs. Red Haired Girl was in a particularly bad mood (generally because she is a teenager travelling with parents and specifically because she was – well, I don’t remember now). After lunch, we crossed back over to resume the trip. You actually have to pay twenty-five cents (Canadian, but they will take American) to leave their country. We did not have a birth certificate or picture ID for Red Haired Girl, which caused a problem at the border. Real Wife helpfully offered a Social Security card, with the agent responding that every illegal he has seen carries a Social Security card. Owing to RHG’s above noted foul mood, I was somewhat inclined to simply leave her in Canada, however, that would have been bad fathering (not to mention the serious implications to relations between the two countries). I then asked the agent to look at her (sulking with an expression that confirmed to any bystanders that she had the dumbest parents in the world) and tell me that she could be anyone’s daughter but mine. He ceded the point and allowed us to go on our way. I should note in fairness that by the time we traversed six hundred miles, and found a motel with a pool and a nearby Appleby’s, that had perked up some.

Real Wife, who had never previously taken a road trip of that length, is now fired up and anxious to head out again once school ends in the spring. I’m thinking maybe Kentucky or North Carolina for some golfing…

29. June 2006 · Comments Off on Goin’ to California (and back) · Categories: Ain't That America?, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, Pajama Game

Not being a regular visitor west of the Rockies (my last trek was to Pasadena on 9 Sep 01 – a whole other story), I always find California to be an experience worth commenting on. As I write this I realize that I may not be able to make the post until my return. I am staying at the Atrium Hotel in Irvine, which purports to have free high speed Internet in every room. Sounds good in theory, but I have spent 3 hrs. so far on the phone with the hotel’s Internet provider trying to get the “automatic” connection to work – with no luck so far. This is a pet peeve of mine because usually, in order to get connectivity away from home, I must go through a process of iterative setting changes that render my home and work connections inoperative on my return. And, of course, because the changes were iterative (and not recorded – my fault), reversing the process involves an equal dose of frustration. I see a Blackberry in my future.

Anyway, my mission is to evaluate a new technology in which my employer is considering an investment. The entrepreneurial community here always amazes me, along with what its interaction with “old industry” is like (when it goes well). Not in a bad way, but rather in the sense that we old liners are impressed with their vision, and they are impressed with our ability to point out the obvious legal/market/reality checks. We spent about 14 hrs. brainstorming at their Santa Ana office, located in one of many complexes with small office spaces arranged not unlike large self storage facilities – relatively cheap rent, undoubtedly high turnover. The mind is boggled by the amount of venture capital discussed within each “unit”, and the dreams and disappointments that accompany each change in tenancy. I long ago resigned myself to a life of servitude, albeit fairly compensated, but not these people. Dot com bust – what was that? A fourteen-hour day in my business usually equals mind numbing grind, but not when I do these meetings. Not a stupid person in the room, with the possible exception of yours truly, and get this – no bringing in Subway sandwiches! Lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and a (very) late dinner at some great seafood joint – I think McCormick Schmidt (although I could have done without the karaoke).

I arrived yesterday afternoon and decided to chill at the Atrium. It’s a pretty cool hotel that I can heartily recommend (as long as Internet connectivity is not a priority) at $139/night. It has been around for a while and the blush is somewhat off the rose, but it seems to capture the essence of this part of California. At only three stories, it is a rambling place that surrounds a rather nice courtyard with palm trees aplenty and a nice pool. I love the lizards too. Navigating the complex can be a challenge, but once getting the feel for the place it seemed that the meandering is one of its charms. After spending the three hours trying to achieve connectivity, I wandered to the bar and grill for a double scotch and a steak sandwich – both of which, by the way, were excellent. I struck up a conversation with the barkeep and some locals, who told me that it was unseasonably hot and humid – at 83 deg. and not-so-bad humidity! Having lived in west central Illinois for so many years, where 95 – 100 deg. and 90% humidity is not unusual, I was a little (lot) surprised. After all, L.A. always seemed like a hellhole to me -–much like Phoenix. It turns out that their proximity to the ocean results in a normal high of around 80 deg., but with little humidity. One of my new friends, an Irvine native, BEGGED me to not tell anyone about the true state of the climate – he says there are too many transplants as it is. Sorry Carl – this is newsworthy and the American public has the right to know. You should appreciate this based on your vocal support of the NY (and LA) Times of their exposure of the insidious terrorist wiretapping and financial record tracking. Anyway, I expect Carl will still greet me as an old friend the next time because I doubt that he is a regular reader of this august blog.

I was in Washington DC three weeks ago, and did write a piece called “Foggy Bottom” that I intended to post, but it seemed too cynical upon further reflection. The memorials and monuments were great, but the landscaping sucked and the people were either tourists or overflow from K street lobbyists. At least the SoCal people freely admit that its about the money. Funny though, once they get it a lot of them decide that money (but not theirs) is the root of all evil

Anyway, later that night I was sitting in my room’s balcony watching the flight attendants arriving, and casually eavesdropping on their conversations as they came through the parking lot. The content was not memorable, but the tone, and the manner in which they made their way to the check-in area, reminded be so very much of TDY’sThe and overnight trips this young airman took so many years ago, when the world was not a place to be wary of, but rather a kingdom to be conquered. It is good, I think, to sense a glimpse of that, from however far ago, while in a tropical climate.

Trouble brewed on the home front with both Red Haired Girl and Real Wife when I mentioned that I was about 10 – 20 minutes from Disneyland (God as my witness – I did not know this when I planned the trip). I am searching for a t-shirt with the legend “My Dad Went To Disneyland And All I Got Was This Crappy T-Shirt” Links would be appreciated.

UPDATE – I am now home, and have at least reintroduced the IBM X41 to the home wlan. I feel younger, helped a bit perhaps by being in the aisle seat as a self-appointed guardian of two young ladies aged 11 and 9, travelling alone by plane for the first time to visit their grandparents. With their necklace-displayed credentials and travel papers, and the question “Mister, have you done this before?”, I knew it would be a good plane ride, and it was. The noise and sensation of landing gear and flap motion etc. gave me an opportunity to explain engineering principals (including the Bernoulli principal); topics long since banished from our normal family discourse for reasons unknown to me (Real Wife and Red Haired Girl don’t want to hear about entropy anymore either – go figure) I even got free snacks and headphones from the flight attendant (now $4 and $2 respectively on AA). That whole experience was a not-so-small serendipitous gift that, although reminding me of my grandfatherly age, also reminded me of how the world looks to the young.

As I write this, I am back in Illinois; on the patio with a cold beer and Springsteen on the box. Grilled cheese sandwich for supper. Life is good. I don’t see myself ever living anywhere with palm trees, but visits to such places, and often the transit to and from thereof, makes life worthwhile.

With regard to Disneyland, Red Haired Girl on the way home from the airport lamented that she once again missed a ride on a “real” rollercoaster, to which I argued I didn’t like the odds of 1-2 fatalities per year on said rollercoasters. Got home – another twelve year old killed today at Disneyworld. Am I missing something here?

Lastly, 13 June marked fourteen years of wedded bliss with Real Wife. For our anniversary, I traded her Barbie Jeep on a new Grand Cherokee – red – with a Hemi. Of course, the main selling points were back up sensors, extended warranty, etc. Did I mention that it has a Hemi?

By the way, for any computer whizzes out there, during my California Internet hell, I was able to connect, but if it took longer than a few short seconds to bring up a web site, everything timed out and the connection went dead – any ideas on why?

Radar

20. June 2006 · Comments Off on Somebody HURT Them · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, General Nonsense, That's Entertainment!

Via Althouse.

I don’t agree with her on this one.

Oh it’s clever. But not being a “morning person,” I have to say that it disturbs me on a fundamental level. I don’t have “a happy morning” until at least two cups of coffee and some time.

Although…I do like that brand of coffee and really like the handle built into the plastic can.

13. May 2006 · Comments Off on Scenes from the International Aisle in the Commisary · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

Boyo: “mmmmmmMMMMMMM, Germans make good cookie wafers.”

Remembering German baking. Why do people rave about German pastries and chocolate etc.?

First of all, they don’t put a ton of sugar in their recipes and there’s more butter in the crust, which is made from a fresher, less bleached flour. Their whipped creme? The same. Less sugar makes for a creamier creme.

German, Belgian, Italian, and Swiss chocolate? Here’s how we got ripped off. According to my Mom, sometime during WW II the U.S. candy companies added some kind of wax to their chocolate in order to keep it from melting when they sent it across the oceans to American troops. When they came home, their chocolate came with them. That’s also how we got M&Ms. You can get waxier chocolate in Europe, but it’s mostly a decoration thing, the shine is for show, not so much for consumption.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll munch a Hershey Bar and crunch a Nestle’s on occaission. And don’t even get me started on the piece of candy heaven that is the Snickers Bar. I’m just saying that those don’t make my eyes roll up in the back of my head and my leg twitch like Thumper on a frozen over pond.

12. March 2006 · Comments Off on What Do MREs Have To Do With French Haute Cuisine? · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, Technology

[Something to ponder when you are huddled inside your Humvee, on a cold, moonless night, in a G_d-knows-where stretch of Fort Irwin (or worse, Iraq), watching a bag in a cup of hot water.]

The answer is the sous vide process, wherein all the food and spices are packed in a vacuum bag. Originally developed in 1974, by Georges Pralus at Troigros in Briennon, France, this process affords rapid cooking and light, easily disposable packaging. Both are qualities the military finds most valuable. [However, I believe MREs are all fully-cooked, and (while sometimes gross) they can be eaten dead-cold]. Of greater interest to the world’s gourmands is that the sous vide process retains far more of the food’s original flavors and textures. So it is increasingly showing up in Las Vegas’ hotel/casinos, and Manhattan’s fanciest eatery’s:

Ponder this hypothetical: 2:30am. A guest exits a Las Vegas poker table. He’s hungry after a very profitable (unfortunately, not for him) losing streak. Refueled, he might net the casino an extra few chips. Does one really expect a chef, in his namesake restaurant cooking to order at such inhumane hours? Don’t bet on it. These fast-paced 24/7 cultures demand the very best food served ’round the clock. So we wondered how those special signature dishes are made available? How can our hungry poker player at 8am, 8pm or any time in between, dine on Alessandro Stratta’s Pork Belly with Marscapone Polenta from Renoir’s kitchen, or our famished New Yorker stroll into the W hotel and taste Paul Sale’s Saddlerock Oysters and Jelly Sampler at Blue Fin?

However, without tight process controls, there is a high possibility of the growth of botulinum spores. For large-scale food processing plants, the FDA requires a Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point plan, designed by a credentialed food scientist. But this isn’t so practical for New York’s elite restaurants, and the city’s health code has no equivalent. So, despite no poisonings reported to date, the city is pre-emptively cracking down:

The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has quelled the sous vide revolution, for the moment. In the past few weeks inspectors have told some chefs to throw out shrink-wrapped food, forbidden them to use the equipment used to make it and told them to stop cooking and storing food sous vide until they have a government-approved plan for it.

In some cases, inspectors are handing out fines, which start at $300 per offense. The department’s actions seem to represent the first time a city agency has singled out the technique, and how chefs use it.

Virginia Postrel condemns this, saying “If it’s not regulated, it’s forbidden.” I wouldn’t go that far. There is plenty of evidence as to the hazards of this process to warrant a moratorium on its use, until the city has reasonable regulations in the books. But it’s not as though there hasn’t been plenty of time for NYC’s bureaucrats to get their act together already. And, as there have been no reported poisonings as of yet, this sudden crack-down is totally over-the-top.

Update: I forgot to mention that this process has long been of interest to me, because I have wanted to try it myself. I have a laboratory hot-plate, replete with precision thermostat and magnetic stirrer, which would seem to be perfect for this.

[Yes, troops: When doing time at Fort Irwin, just envision you are a few hundred miles north, sipping a vintage Cabernet Blanc, and waiting for your food at the French Laundry in Yountville.]

11. March 2006 · Comments Off on Spring is here … · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

Never mind that the official vernal equinox is nine days hence, today is the first day of spring for me. I dragged my butt from bed at 5:00 a.m. to watch qualifying for the first Formula 1 race of the year. Michael Schumacher (Ferrari for the uninitiated) is on the pole – that sucks. But, it will reach seventy degrees today here in the land of pigs and corn. I dry rubbed a nice 6 lb. beef brisket last night and will be firing up the smoker for the first time this year. Never mind the hype about hickory or mesquite smoked meat – they give me heartburn. I use apple, cherry, persimmon, and pear wood (always remove the bark), and only for the first two or three hours. After about six hours at no more than 200 degrees, with frequent basting using Coke, root beer, or whatever, you have one of the finest pieces of meat ever to grace a picnic table. Real Wife has persuaded me to make a batch of macaroni salad for accompaniment. This dish is an old family tradition that has no particular recipe other than the list of ingredients (macaroni, mayo, boiled eggs – chopped, cucumber, onion, celery, tuna, and radishes), the proportions of which are subject to the mood of the cook. It is heaven. Capping my first day of spring will be beer and ice in the cooler and an oil change for the Dixon riding mower.

Lately I have been doing a lot of research into the dynamics that have led to our current situation regarding the Clash Of Civilizations (I recommend the River War by Winston Churchill, available on-line here). To me it is important; my sense is that the problem will only be resolved after a crisis, and response, of epic proportion. The story will be told in military, not diplomatic terms, and will likely span the rest of my lifetime, possibly even my daughter’s. More disheartening is the question of whether the “American street”, being constantly bombarded by the message of the extreme left, is up to the magnitude of challenge so fearlessly met by previous generations. It is not a happy proposition, nonetheless, I take great comfort in the rituals that define the passing of the seasons.

By the way, the brisket dry rub ingredients are 2 tbsp dark brown sugar, 2 tbsp chili powder, 2 tbsp paprika, 2 tbsp salt, 1 tbsp garlic powder, 1 tbsp onion powder, 1 tbsp black pepper, 1 tbsp cayenne, 2 tspn dry mustard, and 2 tsp ground cumin. Enjoy.

Radar

20. February 2006 · Comments Off on The Ancient Lore of My People: Granny Clarke · Categories: Ain't That America?, Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General, Memoir, Pajama Game

Granny Clarke was the mother of my mothers’ dearest friend from the time that JP and I were small children, from that time before Pippy was born, and my parents were living in a tiny rented cottage in the hills part of Beverly Hills… a house on a dirt road, with the surrounding area abundant in nothing much else but chaparral, eucalypts and rattlesnakes. Mom and her friend, who was eventually of such closeness that we called her “Auntie Mary” met when Mom began to attend services at a Lutheran congregation in West Hollywood, rather than endure the long drive to Pasadena and the ancestral congregation at Trinity Lutheran in Pasadena.

Auntie Mary Hammond was a little older than Mom, with four sons, each more strapping than the other, in spite of Auntie Mary’s wistful hopes for one of them to have been a girl. The oldest were teenagers, the youngest slightly younger than JP… although Paulie was as large and boisterous as his older brothers and appeared to be more my contemporary. They lived all together with Auntie Mary Hammonds’ mother, Granny Clarke, in a townhouse in West Hollywood, an intriguing house built on a steeply sloping street, up a flight of stairs from the concrete sidewalk, with only a tiny garden at one side, and the constant background noise and bustle of the city all around, not the quiet wilderness of the hills, which JP and I were more used to. But there was one thing we had in common with Paulie and his brothers— an immigrant grandparent with a curious accent and a long career in domestic service in Southern California.

It is a little known curiosity, outside Southern California (and maybe a surprise to even those inside it, in this modern day) that there was once a thriving and very cohesive British ex-pat community there; one that revolved around the twin suns of the old and established wealthy families, and the slightly newer movie business… united in their desire for employment as high-class and supremely competent domestic service, or just residence in a place offering considerably nicer weather. They all met on Sundays at Victor McLaughlin Park, where there were British-rules football games, and even cricket matches, all during the 20ies and 30ies. (My maternal and paternal grandfathers may even have met there, twenty years before their son and daughter resolved to marry their respective fortunes together).

All unknowing, my own Grandpa Jim and Auntie Mary’s mother, Granny Clarke, represented the poles of that lonely expat community. Grandpa Jim worked for nearly three decades for a wealthy, well-established Pasadena family of irreproachable respectability… and Granny Clark, for reasons that may be forever unknown, sometime in the mid teens or early 20ies of the last century, took it into her head to work for “those Hollywood people”. According to my mother, who took much more interest in Granny Clarke and held her in considerable reverence, this was an irrevocable career move. In the world of domestic service in Southern California in the late teens or early 20ies, once a domestic had “Hollywood” people on the professional resume, they were pretty well sunk as far as the other respectable employers were concerned. It is all rather amusing at this 21st century date to discover that the Old Money Pasadena/Montebello People looked down on the New Money Los Angeles People, who all in turn and in unison looked down on the very new Hollywood People… who had, as legend has it, arrived on a train, looking for nice weather and a place to film those newfangled moving picture thingies without being bothered by an assortment of … well, people that did not have their best economic interests at hand, back on the Other Coast.

So, while Granny Clarke might have been originally advised that she was committing professional suicide by casting her fortunes with “those Hollywood People”, it turned out very well in the end, for her, even though she appeared, personally, to have been the very last likely person to take to the waters of the Tinseltown domestic pool with any enthusiasm. She was a being of the old breed, a stern and unbending Calvinist, the sort of Scots Lowlander featured in all sorts of 19th century stories; rigidly honest and a lifelong teetotaler, fearlessly confident in the presence of those who might have assumed themselves to be her social and economic betters, honest to a fault… and thrifty to a degree that my mother (no slouch in that department, herself) could only genuflect towards, in awe and wonder. One of the first things that I remember Mom telling me about Granny Clarke was that she would carefully melt and re-mold the half-consumed remnants of jelled salads, pouring the liquid into an even smaller mold, and presenting a neat appearance at a subsequent meal. Neither Mom nor Grannie Jessie ever had felt obliged to dress up leftovers as anything else than what they were, but Granny Clarke was a consummate professional.

Her early employers, so Mom related to me, were so enormously and touchingly grateful not to be abused, cheated and skinned economically, (or betrayed to the tabloids and gossip columnists) that no matter how personally uncomfortably they might have felt in the presence of someone who was the embodiment of sternly Calvinistic disapproval of their personal peccadilloes, Granny Clarke was fully and generously employed by a long sequence of “Hollywood people” for the subsequent half-century. Granny Clarke managed to achieve, I think, a certain ideal, of being able to tolerate in the larger arena, while disapproving personally, and being respected and valued in spite of it all. She was painfully honest about household accounts, and ran the kitchen on a shoestring, buying the least expensive cuts… and with magical skill, conjuring the most wonderful and richly flavored meals out of them.

She was for a time, employed by Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks at the legendary Pickfair mansion, before moving on to her longest stretch of employment, as housekeeper and cook for the dancer and star, Eleanor Powell. According to Mom, she only and regretfully left service with Ms. Powell after the formers’ marriage to Glenn Ford. The impetus was that Granny Clarke collected stamps and so did Mr. Ford, and after the marriage of Mr. Ford and Miss Powell, Granny Clarke no longer had an uncontested pick of the many exotic stamps that came in attached to Miss Powell’s fan mail. She went to work for James Mason, instead. Presumably, he didn’t grudge her the stamps from his fan mail.

In retirement, she lived with her daughter and son in law, and their four sons, which is when I knew her. We were all only aware in the vaguest way that she had been the housekeeper to the stars; that all paled besides the wonderful way she cooked, and the way she cosseted us smaller children. I wish I had thought to ask for more stories about Hollywood in her time, for she must have been a rich fund of them. One hot summer day, when we were at their house for dinner, Mom was not feeling very well, and when she confessed this, Granny Clarke said, sympathetically,
“Oh, then I’ll fix you some poached eggs in cheese sauce.”
It sounded quite revolting to Mom— I think she may have been pregnant with Pippy— but when Granny Clarke set down a beautifully composed dish of perfectly poached eggs, bathed in a delicately flavored cheese sauce, Mom was able to eat every bite, and keep it down, too. She had never tasted anything quite so delicious, and when she said so, Granny Clarke allowed as how her poached eggs in cheese sauce had been a favorite among certain guests at Pickfair. Those movie moguls and directors and that, she said, all had ulcers and stomach upsets, through being so stressed… but they were all, to a man, very fond of her poached eggs and cheese sauce.

I rather think it must have been something rather like this cheese sauce, taken from Jan & Michael Sterns’ “Square Meals” savory cheese sauce:

Melt 2 TBsp butter, adding 3 TBsp four, 1 Tsp salt, a dash of pepper, 1 Tsp prepared mustard and 1 Tsp Worchester sauce, and whisk until smooth. Stir in slowly;
2 Cups milk, and add 1 cup grated American or cheddar cheese. Simmer 5-10 minutes, stirring constantly until sauce is smooth and thick. Makes about 2 cups of sauce, enough to puddle generously around 4 poached eggs— two servings of 2 eggs each. Depends on how much you like cheese sauce, I guess, or how much you like eggs… or have toast fingers to dunk in the cheese sauce.

The trick to poached eggs is to break each egg into a small bowl, and to pour it into a pot of boiling water after you have taken a spoon and whisked the water to make a small whirlpool… or to use one of those patent egg-poacher saucepan inserts so beloved of outlets like Williams-Sonoma.

27. January 2006 · Comments Off on Chocolate, Walnut, Saltine Treats · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry

In case you haven’t figured it out, I like simple when it comes to cooking. Picked this one up from my Mom last weekend. Make a batch of this and bring it to an event, be sure you bring copies of the recipe. Tastes like a chocolate covered brittle.

Groceries
1-2 Sleeves Saltine Crackers (Salted).
1 Cup Light or Dark Brown Sugar (Depends on your taste.).
2 Sticks Butter.
6 Regular Size Hershey Bars.
1 Cup Chopped Walnuts.

Preheat oven to 400.
Line 9×13 jellyroll pan with foil.
Line foil with crackers.
Melt butter and brown sugar in sauce pan until well blended.
Pour butter/sugar mixture over crackers.
Bake for 5 minutes
Place Hershey bars on top. Be careful, 400 degrees of butter and sugar is HOT.
Do NOT place back in oven, the chocolate will melt.
When melted, spread chocolate smooth.
Sprinkle walnuts over chocolate.
Place in freezer for 1/2 hour.
Peel off foil and break into pieces.
If still “wet” let sit overnight, uncovered, in the refrigerator.

07. January 2006 · Comments Off on Weekend Recipe: Catalan Fish Medley · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

(Source for this recipe was probably the Stars & Stripes newspaper— I have no idea where they took it, as I copied it out into my own little book of recipes)

Chop finely:
2 large onions
4-5 large cloves garlic
2 red bell peppers
2 Tbsp smoked dried ham such as proscutto, or Spanish jamon serrano

Slice and set aside: 6 Medium tomatoes

Clean and devein: 1lb whole shrimp

Grind to a fine cornmeal consistancy enough shelled almonds to make 1/2 cup of ground nutmeats. Set the tomatoes, shrimp and almonds aside.

Sautee the onions, garlic, and ham in a large sautee pan or dutch oven in 1/2 cup olive oil. (Oil quantity can be reduced somewhat, to 1/3 cup)
When onions and peppers are soft, sprinkle over them:

1 tsp mild paprika
1 tsp hot paprika

Stir and cook for 2 minutes, then add ground almonds, cooking and stirring for another minute. Stir in the tomatoes and bell peppers, along with:

1 crumbled bay leaf
1/8 tsp crumbled saffron threads

Simmer for five minutes, and stir into the pan:

1 1/2 lbs sole, turbot, perch or red snapper filets, cut into 2-in chunks
1/2 cup white wine
juice of one lemon.

Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer and let cook for to minutes. Add the shrimp and simmer for another 3-4 minutes. Serve immediatly, garnished with fresh parsley and lemon wedges.

It’s good served with jasmine rice. This recipe may be halved, to better suit a small family… and may also be done in a microwave, with everything added in the same order, and nuked appropriatly.

17. December 2005 · Comments Off on Merry Christmas! · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, Good God

In the past 18 months or so since coming to this blog, I’ve learned a lot from the many friends I’ve made here on The Daily Brief, and on occasion, even the one or two jerks who visit regularly or not, have given me pause….Hmmm, OK.

Anyway, let me wish everyone a very merry Christmas, or happy Hannukah, as applies, and my very best wishes for your new year as it approaches with the speed of a runaway train! We have had a very good year at our house, and we very much appreciate the great interaction we have enjoyed with each of you.

See ya on the other side of the Holidays!

Joe & Jenny

12. December 2005 · Comments Off on Your Next $20 Bottle Of Wine May Have A Screw-Cap · Categories: Eat, Drink and be Merry, Technology

I’m with Professor Bainbridge on this:

I like old things. Old ideas. Old books. Old wines. I guess that’s part of the reason I’m a conservative. Yet, the intelligent conservative combines a disposition to preserve with an ability to reform. And so we come to the question of closures for wine.

For generations our ancestors used cork to close wine bottles, and they were wise to do so. Indeed, cork is a nearly perfect closure for wine. It is mostly impermeable, yet apparently allows just enough minute amounts of air into the bottle for the wine to evolve with age. And cork lends a certain romance to the otherwise mundane process of opening a bottle, as anyone who has popped a champagne cork knows. (For real romance, of course, port tongs can’t be beat.)

However:

Many fine California and Australia wineries are now experimenting with the Stelvin closure. In my experience, wines capped with screw tops taste just as good as those closed with corks and, of course, loads better than those closed with tainted corks. But will wines capped with screw tops age as well? According to the Spectator, Bordeaux and Burgundy wineries are starting to conclude that they can:

“Burgundy négociant Jean-Claude Boisset is releasing small amounts of several bottles from the 2003 vintage topped with screw caps, including premier cru Santenay Grand Clos Rousseau, Chambolle-Musigny and Gevrey-Chambertin Villages. … “We feel fairly confident after the research we’ve done that the Stelvin will work nicely,” said Jean-Charles Boisset, the founder’s son. Boisset said the decision to test the Stelvin was sparked by a tasting of a 1966 Mercurey that was closed by screw cap….”

So the next time you see a $20 bottle of wine topped by a screw cap, don’t assume you’re being ripped off. As Laube opined:

“I’ve long advocated twist-offs, and when I’m shopping I’ve found myself gravitating toward them. One reason is that I’m assured the wine won’t be corked. Another is that I want to taste how fresh the wine is. I also want to support those who are taking an important leadership role for the industry and consumers.”

Me too.

Look for premium wines to come in boxes as well

BTW: Tech Central Station has changed it’s moniker to TCS Daily.

03. December 2005 · Comments Off on Another Favorite Cold-Weather Soup · Categories: Domestic, Eat, Drink and be Merry, General

(Again, another wonderful soup recipe from Nava Atlas’ “Vegetariana”)

Potato & Dutch Cheese Soup

Combine in a 4 qt saucepan, and enough broth to cover generously

6 Medium potatoes, peeled and cut in chunks
1 large onion, diced
1 cloves garlic, minced finely
2 bay leaves
2 Tbsp butter

Cover and simmer until potatoes are tender, and stir in
2 Tbsp dry white wine
3 Tbsp. dried or 1 1/2 Tbsp fresh dill
1 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp dry mustard
pepper to taste

Thicken with 1 Tbsp. flour mixed with water enough to make a thin paste, whisking flour/water mixture into soup, and also breaking up potatoes slightly. Stir in

1 1/2 cup grated Edam or Gouda cheese

Simmer gently until cheese is melted… and enjoy. Like the Lentil and Brown Rice soup, this one is also very good warmed over the next day.