Who Are You? What Do You Want? Where Are You Going? Whom Do You Serve – And Whom Do You Trust?!
…I just made you say “underwear.”
It’s National Underwear Day.
Because it’s that kind of day and I can’t go anywhere without someone mentioning it. Which makes “Dr. Strangelove” seem less satirical and more disturbing every moment I spend in this building.
Haynes Boxer/Briefs cover my fuzzy white butt.
I earned my degrees at two different universities: Florida State and the University of Illinois. Question – what do these two schools have in common?
“”Star” spelled backwards is “rats” and only rats get the cheezes. Stars, they burn out. It’s true…it was in a Neil Young thing.”
One of the best emails I get on a regular basis comes from Bizarre News. Ever since I first had email back in 1996 I’ve been a subscriber and would highly recommend this weekly to anyone. One of their regular features is Bizarre Holidays:
August is . . . . National Catfish Month, National Golf Month, National Eye Exam Month, National Water Quality Month, Romance Awareness Month, Peach Month, and Foot Health Month
August 1 is . . . . . Friendship Day and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
August 2 is . . . . . National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
August 3 is . . . . . National Watermelon Day
August 4 is . . . . . Twins Day Festival
August 5 is . . . . . National Mustard Day
August 6 is . . . . . Wiggle Your Toes Day
August 7 is . . . . . Sea Serpent Day
August 8 is . . . . . Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Night
August 9 is . . . . . National Polka Festival
August 10 is . . . . Lazy Day
August 11 is . . . . Presidential Joke Day
August 12 is . . . . Middle Child’s Day
August 13 is . . . . Blame Someone Else Day
August 14 is . . . . National Creamsicle Day
August 15 is . . . . National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day
August 16 is . . . . Bratwurst Festival
August 17 is . . . . National Thriftshop Day
August 18 is . . . . Bad Poetry Day
August 19 is . . . . Potato Day
August 20 is . . . . National Radio Day
August 21 is . . . . National Spumoni Day
August 22 is . . . . Be An Angel Day
August 23 is . . . . National Spongecake Day
August 24 is . . . . Knife Day
August 25 is . . . . Kiss-And-Make-Up Day
August 26 is . . . . National Cherry Popsicle Day
August 27 is . . . . Petroleum Day
August 28 is . . . . World Sauntering Day
August 29 is . . . . More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is . . . . National Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is . . . . National Trail Mix Day
The downside are the advertisements often in the middle of really good, bizarre, articles.
You know the drill. You’ve been tasked to put a team together to solve problem X. You gather your team, you gather your resources, you turn some abandoned old hut into your state of the art workcenter. Staff papers and action papers and point papers are all pooled to study problem X. Meetings are held. VTCs happen once the fiber is run to the old hut. There must be TDYs to D.C., Colorado, Hawaii and Nebraska because it’s that serious a problem…we must discuss face to face this serious serious problem. The discovery that the problem is bigger than it seemed is inevitbale. It’s now problem XYZ and Q(?). Everyone’s got the same problem(s) and teams just like yours are set up at key locations for all the commands. The orignal team disbands due to PCS moves and new people come in. Money is projected out for the next five years to ensure success. At some point a smart airman walks into the office with a magazine article from Wired or Computer News with a simple, off-the-shelf, solution to problem X and quietly tries to implement it, but it’s not to be. A Lt Col on loan from the Reserves and who works with Gigantic Aerospace (GA) n his “real” job knows that GA’s Information Technologies section can do a better, more military, solution and the studies begin anew. Manhours are gauged. Software development begins. The company that first released the off-the-shelf software solution is bought out. Software engineering ensues. Testing happens. Tests are studied. The hut gets knocked down and a new building with not enough power outlets and NO phone lines is built…it will be a couple more years before the comm issues are fixed so the military rents office space from GA. More meetings and TDYs occur. One of GA’s subsidiaries (made up of the original, now retired team members) gets the contract. No, military people won’t be able to use the software, this is now serious stuff with an eclectic and stiff learning curve, we need full time contractors on the job 24/7 and they’re all going to need clearances so we should probably hire retirees or actively recruit folks with a fresh new clearance.
The smart airman watches all of this and spits while he goes back to college, goes for his degree, and gets the hell out to form his own group of contractors that he can sell to GA in a couple years.
And that’s just one of the retention problems we’re having.
…end satirical rant…
Answering the questions that I’ve been asked over the past couple of weeks:
No, I didn’t lose a bet (looking at their hair) did you?
No one’s got cancer, but thanks for thinking I’m that empathetic.
No, it’s not in sympathy with our brothers in arms overseas either…I completely forgot about the sand fleas…Don’t ask me how, I hated them worse than the freaking spiders.
I know it looked okay with the crew cut, but I’m just plain tired of paying over $10 a week for a frelling crewcut done right because the frelling barbers on base can either do a high and tight or they can do a buzz but they can’t do a decent crewcut anymore.
No, it’s not a political statement.
Doc Martens and a bomber jacket? What decade do you live in?
Mostly because I’m going bald anyway, that’s why.
I use my Gillette Mach 3 Turbo. It works, I don’t have to relearn how to shave, and I don’t shred my scalp when I use it.
Yes, I’ve tried the HeadBlade. I don’t much like it, but my son-in-law swears by it. I can’t seem to get the hang of it and like I said, my regular razor works just fine. However, I really like their brand of shaving creme (HeadSlick) and aftershave lotion (HeadLube). That’s right, HeadLube, which comes in both glossy and matte finishes…which cracks me up to no end…and they’re not kidding when they say “glossy.” People at work have requested that I stop using it because of the glare.
One of the guys I work with swears by Schick’s Extreme III disposables and something made for women’s more intimate shaving called Coochy Shave Creme. I shite you not. If the Google Search hadn’t come up with that list, I wouldn’t have believed it myself. He does have the smoothest damn noggin I’ve ever seen.
Yes, it’s still strange to feel a breeze and the sun on bare skin up there.
Boyo thinks I’m weird…but that started the first time he saw his Mom and I dancing to “Smooth” in the living room.
Beautiful Wife loves it.
No, I won’t stick a lightbulb in my mouth, but if you’ve got an extra TootsiePop I wouldn’t turn it down.
Okay…fine…add your favorite bald joke to the comments, get them out of your systems.
One of the small joys of life is knowing that you have to mow your lawn or risk getting a ticket from the lawn nazi, and it’s over 90 degrees outside with over 50% humidity and then a long-haired kid with a mower shows up about a half hour before you were getting your lazy butt out of your recliner and offers to do it all for 15 bucks. I gave him $20, that 30 degree grade in the backyard diving down into a culvert is a pain in the ankles…and dammit, it was just HOT outside. I got a bargain.
Adding to the joy factor was a line of thunderstorms that waltzed their way across our area last night. Okay, so they knocked out power fo a couple hours, but they also dropped the temperature by 30 degrees. I can reset the clock on the microwave all day long.
Yes I really do enjoy being bald. It’s relatively low maintenance because I can shave as much or little as I want, depending on my mood. What’s really fun is adding a particularly oily moisturizer to it when I know I’m going to be someplace where there are people who simpy HAVE to touch it. The look on their faces as they sort of look at their hand wondering what they’re supposed to do next is worth any nick or cut. Seriously folks, what makes it okay to walk up to a bald guy and rub his head? Friends, I don’t mind so much. Lady friends especially. Them I’ll warn. It’s the gals or guys I don’t know so well but act like they know me and they rub my head? I would like to say, “Yes, I just spooged in your hand, that’s what you get.” but I behave…most of the time…it’s me we’re talking about…shrug.
An executive officer asked me yesterday if I was always such a smartass…I paused a moment and asked, “Haven’t ya met me sir?” He smiled and I was dismissed. I love making Marines grin.
What if I don’t want Bill Gate’s frisking me? I swear to God if Apple starts getting any more games at all for their computers, we’re switching. I’m so tired of the arrogance of MicroSoft. “Billions of lost revenue.” That’s hard to swallow coming from one of the richest firms on earth. Check your key codes and get out of my box. …Which would be a really good name for an all-girl punk band… Apologies to Dave Barry.
Have I mentioned Radio Paridise lately? Commercial free, listener supported web-radio. There morning line-up is always pleasant and just enough to get things moving in my skull.
I’m liking the new Harry Potter book so far. No spoilers please. Let’s be civilized.
I’m looking forward to the latest by P.J. O’Rourke, which I somehow waited for to come out in paperback. What a great title for a book: “Peace Kills: America’s Fun New Imperialism.”
Coffee’s done and it’s time to suit up and show up. Happy Tuesday.
Others:
Rodney goes Wonka and has more linkage.
Kevin’s got someone’s Mom.
This post over at ASV reminded me of something I saw when we were on vactation. I was shopping with our family at the local WalMart and a kid, couldn’t have been more than 17, walked by. It was what he was wearing the threw me. From bottom up: Doc Martin Combat boots, fishnets, an old plaid shirt tied around his waist kilt-like, a Black Flagg t-shirt, a biker leather with an anarchy “A” and Sex Pistols spray painted in white across the back, face made up like Robert Smith and topped off with a black and red spiked mohawk that must have been 8 inches long.
I stared long enough that he turned and said, “What are you lookin’ at?” I shook it off and simply said, “Sorry, but you look almost exactly like a girl I dated in college. Wear’d you find the Doc Martins?” He shrugged, “They were my Dad’s.”
I know it’s weird, but I’m oddly comforted to know that there’s another generation of punkers around.
When your receding hairline threatens to meet your “monk’s circle,” action must be taken.
I blame Gorgeous Daughter and Dashing (and bald) Son-In-Law…but only for giving me the push over the edge. I’ve been threatening to do this for over a year.
Addendum: Some sites for headshavers.
Headshaver.org
All About Shaving.
Bald Men and Women Hall of Fame
Headblade.
And there are a plethora of fetish sites out there, but you can google those yourself.
Whenever I see “SCOTUS Watch” I’m waiting for a vet to come out and give me a progress report on a sick animal’s diseased body part. I blame Will Ferrell.
We Are Not Afraid. Got this link from various sites. Perhaps the London Bombings didn’t have the effect the terrorists were hoping for?
I have no desire to see “The Fantastic Four” but Boyo does. He’ll have to wait until next week though. Today, the entire family is going to see “War of the Worlds.”
Other than this little blurb I simply refuse to even acknowledge the fools that are blaming the U.S. and U.K. for the London Bombings. My only advice to them is, “Please crawl someplace out of the way and die, the terrorists have already beaten you.”
On the flipside, anyone who thinks 7/7 means “the flypaper strategy is working,” I can’t help you either, please join the losers in the corner.
No, I don’t have an answer, but I know what it’s NOT. It’s not either of those.
Wizbang’s Caption Contest is Up.
Rodney has one going at OTB.
This is Socrates (The Cat) and Katie (Did NOT). They chose to stay in Germany rather than spend a year in a kennel when we went to Oahu. Apologies for not posting the picture of Socs washing Katie, but that one’s too blurry.
In honor of everything Dad’s have to put up with, here’s one of my favorite pictures of Miko. What you need to understand is that she has not been lazing there forever as she would have you believe, no, she slid in there and posed as I was grabbing a soda.
Carnvial of the Cats will be at Elisson’s this week.
Being on the fire department in the small village of York, Maine, was really an experience, and for those who lived there, somewhat of a status symbol. If your origins were from somewhere other than York, it was nearly impossible, thus a statement of acceptance if you succeeded. I was really happy to have been accepted as a “probie,” the one-year probationary period.
It wasn’t all societal, it was serious business. I actually got involved because of a fire that included a fatality. Nurse Jenny, in those days, wasn’t a nurse, but a dispatcher on the York Public Safety Communications Center, and I was the Motorola Tech Rep for the area, involved with supplying the communications equipment and assuring that it all worked. The VFD probationary period was a time of a lot of learning. Fire technology, hydraulics, water pressure, fire ground operations, so many classes, and all that just to volunteer to fight fires.
Parenthetically, I would volunteer to fight fires on a number of departments after York, the last one being while back on Air Force AD, in Monument, Colorado. What I learned in York would make me a good firefighter, and some of it would save my life in some touchy situations.
The “white coat incident” mentioned in part one was really embarrassing, and it was a touchstone of ribbing for a long time afterwards. Well, you gotta have something!
One important aspect of fighting fires is speed. Getting there fast, getting set up fast, getting water on the fire as fast as you safely can. One day, about three months into my probie period, there was a small fire near my house, a situation in which I responded in my car, and got my coat and helmet off the truck. Engine. What am I thinking! Truck is ladder, engine is pumper, for the uninitiated! OK, got my gear on, and grabbing the nozzle, in I went. The fire was out quickly, and I quickly found out my big mistake. Someone told me to get that white coat off, unless I was really a chief in disguise. OOPS! Without thinking, I had grabbed a white coat, which is an officer’s garb. Now, they’re really serious about that. It was the deputy chief’s coat, and my putting it on was the source of so much ribbing and teasing for a long time. You can be assured, from that time on, I paid attention to the color of coats in the locker!
Fighting fires is fun, or at least it is something that gets in your blood. This -Vidalia, GA – is the only place that we’ve lived since York in the 70’s, that I haven’t served on a fire department. Just can’t do it, since getting injured on my job as a paramedic in 1995. I hate to have to stand still when I hear a siren, but we get old, and sometimes we have to ease up on the throttle!
But, as Elroy commented on the last post, those were great days, and the fire department folks in York were some of the finest people I’ve ever served with! York Volunteer Fire Department, I salute you every one!
This from T. A. Frank at TNR:
Meanwhile, the leaders of Myanmar’s junta emerge as, arguably, the world’s most forward. The New Light of Myanmar, the country’s official newspaper, leads with the headline “Senior General Than Shwe felicitates President of the Philippines.” Although it’s hard to imagine this happened on camera, such actions may simply be customary in Burma, since, lower on the page, we also read “Prime Minister felicitates Russian counterpart.” Of course, that’s one way to conduct diplomacy. And now Burma has guests in town: “Chinese men’s volleyball team arrives.” One hopes that the task of felicitating them will be divided up.
LMFAO
Synthesizing from my posts here, and here, I say that it can be strongly argued that Michael Jackson was the “victim” of malicious prosecution. And, as he has no-doubt incurred millions of dollars in legal expenses, as well as a major set-back in his career, he must be entitled to a relief fund. I volunteer my services to organize and administer this.
Of course, my salary will be minimal – I promise.
…And I was trying to think of a good handle. And I wanted to go with something of a prehistoric flavor, as these are like the modern manifestation of the ancient mating rituals.
Well, the first thing I was on was Homo Eclectus. But it seems that some band already grabed that.
So now I’m thinking Homo Heidelbergensis. Why? Because they were the first strain of humans to create tools too large to be efficient as tools – can you say SUV?
LMFAO.
is up at Music and Cats.
So now we know – don’t give me any logic problems. The math result surprises me – math was my always my worst test result, in my past.
| Your IQ Is 115 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Exceptional |
(found the link at blonde sagacity)
…Undersea by rail.
Ninty minutes from New York to Paris.
Well by seventy-six we’ll be A.O.K.
I’m currently watching this crazy show on Discovery Channel – Transatlantic Tunnel. They are proposing a 3100 mile submersed teathered tube, through which will run mag-lev trains running at 5000 mph! I’m still waiting to see how they propose to pump the air pressure down in the tunnel low enough to eliminate the aerodynamic friction.
But now for something really absurd! I’m reminded of this post from a couple of weeks back in LGF:
This seems to be the day for mainstream media emissions that you just can’t believe. From the New York Times: The Day After Peace: Designing Palestine. (Hat tip: ted.)
His high-speed railway would run for 70 miles along the West Bank ridges, linking Jenin in the north with Hebron in the south. The railway would then slip like a fishhook through the Negev desert to attach the West Bank to the Gaza Strip, running 130 miles in all and establishing the connection between the two territories that development officials consider essential to a Palestinian economy. Alongside the railway, Mr. Suisman proposes stretching a water conduit, a trench for fiber-optic cable, power lines, a toll road and a strip of parkland.
He would site the train stations at a distance from existing city centers, connecting each pairing with other public transportation. The idea was to create new frames for housing and businesses, to accommodate the expanding population while preserving open space. He compares his crosshatched line to an embryo’s backbone and, inevitably, an olive branch.
The Rand studies were prompted by California-based donors hoping to see an end to the conflict. Carol and David Richards, financed the detailed study of the viability of a Palestinian state. Mr. Richards said he acted after Mr. Bush came out in favor of a two-state solution.
“I’m a supporter of Israel, but I think their occupation of the West Bank is hurtful to Israel,” said Mr. Richards, a former mutual fund manager who is now a private investor. “The policy is wrong, and we as Americans have condoned it and supported it.”
The Arc grew out of a proposal by another donor, Guilford Glazer, that Rand design a new Palestinian city to accommodate any returning refugees of the 1948 Israeli-Arab war and their descendants. Born in Knoxville, Tenn., in 1921, Mr. Glazer, a real estate developer, was partly inspired by the model of the Tennessee Valley Authority, believing the Palestinians would benefit from a project of similar scale. (Rand estimated that the Arc would cost about $6 billion, and that it would help the Palestinians power their economy by employing 100,000 to 160,000 Palestinians a year for five years.) When the Arc is built, he said, “it’ll be too precious to lose, and it’ll cause them to resist violence.”
I have to agree with this comment from LGF reader Kragar:
When the Arc is built, he said, “it’ll be too precious to lose, and it’ll cause them to resist violence.”
Considering these people are willingly sacrifcing their own childen, what makes this tool think a few buildings would change the Palis?
LMFAO
Carnival of the Cats is up tomorrow.
…To just before the start of the Iraqi campaign, when there were folks on the Web’s discussion groups saying Rumsfeld was going to invoke the “secret Jewish battleplan” called “Shakanah”. LOL
I am realizing why I hate research papers. Besides, I can only spend so much time thinking about networking.
| a Knight You scored 6 Honor, 8 Justice, 6 Adventure, and 3 Individuality! |
|
The whole ‘protect the innocent, for the Divine and Country” really appeals to you. You’re rather go forward that around the side and you’re comfortable with traditional values. Strap on a sword and wear your armor proud. You’ll do just fine. |
 |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid |
