06. January 2005 · Comments Off on Rituals and Weirdness: SnowCall · Categories: General Nonsense, Wild Blue Yonder

For those of you stationed in or above the snow belt, nothing is much stranger than “SnowCall.” We’re the military right? We’re the ones defending our country? Yet, sometimes 6 inches of blowing snow can shut down a base to all but “essential” personnel. Why? Because somewhere at sometime in the past, some uniformed person from Florida tried to drive to work in the snow with their ultra-light but 4 wheel drive pickup and took out a civilian family and thus…all of us are not allowed to drive in “X” amount of snow any longer.

That’s part of the equation.

Once upon a time delayed reporting meant, “You have three extra hours to come in to work but don’t push it okay? Take the time you need but get here.” These days, mostly because we don’t have guys in uniforms behind the wheels in the plows any longer. We have civilians. Who may or may not show up when they’re told to work. Who can tell you, “No thanks, I don’t want no stinking overtime.” Who can suddenly say, “Hey, the city needs extra drivers and they’re paying BIG money because they shorted their contract.” and they can bail on us. These days delayed reporting for snow means, “Don’t even think of trying to get here before the 3+ hour mark because neither the streets nor the parking lots will be cleared yet.” Once upon a time “Don’t come in.” meant that Odin himself had taken a special interest in our part of the world and dumped FEET of snow on us. Now it’s an indication that our “civilian partners” couldn’t handle 3-5 inches of new snow over about 30 acres in any less than 18 hours.

Yes folks, privatization is saving us lots and lots of money and making the military more efficient. You betcha.

But hey, Boyo doesn’t have school today either and I get to roll around in the snow with him so…who am I to complain?

05. January 2005 · Comments Off on And I Thought My Ex Was A Lush · Categories: General Nonsense

I took her to the ER once for an unrelated condition. Her blood-alcohol level was 0.42, and she was perfectly alert and lucid. That seems amazing, but it pails next to this:

SOFIA, BULGARIA – Bulgarian doctors tested a man’s blood-alcohol level five times before accepting it was 0.914 โ€“ nearly twice the amount considered to be life-threatening.

The 67-year-old man landed in hospital on Dec. 20 after a car knocked him off his feet in the southern Bulgarian city of Plovdiv, police and doctors said Tuesday.

[…]

The man, who has not been identified, was reported to be in stable condition after being treated for head injuries.

03. January 2005 · Comments Off on Caption Contest, The Fourth · Categories: General Nonsense

Winner(s) Thursday Night.

03. January 2005 · Comments Off on What’s he after? · Categories: General Nonsense

Via AFP on Yahoo:

Presidents

Is it me or did the press catch former President Clinton picking his nose?

Original here: Politics Photos – AFP

03. January 2005 · Comments Off on The 40 Most Obnoxious Quotes of 2004 · Categories: General Nonsense

…are over at Right Wing News. I dunno…considering the repurcussions I think 40 should have ranked higher.

Via Instapundit.

30. December 2004 · Comments Off on Caption Contest, 3, Winner(s) · Categories: General, General Nonsense

“Go VOLS!” by Rum Smuggler.

Honoroable mentions: Everyone who flipped off Putin.

29. December 2004 · Comments Off on Someone Up There Is Smirking At Me · Categories: General Nonsense

Almost immediately following my tease of Sgt. Mom last week, comparing the weather of south Texas and SoCal, a series of storms, with rain for the foreseeable future, rolled in. Further, the rain we are currently having is very Texas-like, with hard driving cloudbursts in the presence of bright sunshine. ๐Ÿ™‚

But, they say “it never rains on the Rose Parade.” True to form, the chance of rain for Saturday drops to 20%, going up afterward.

24. December 2004 · Comments Off on A White Christmas For Sgt. Mom? · Categories: General Nonsense

I just saw on the weather report that 2-3 inches of snow is predicted for Corpus Christi! Egad.

Just for reference, here in Southern California, we are expecting clear blue skies, and a high in the mid ’60s. I guess Rudolph can take a break when Santa swings this way. ๐Ÿ™‚



24. December 2004 · Comments Off on Today’s Quip · Categories: General Nonsense

You know you’re getting old when you meet sombody really hot. And the first thing they do is start showing you pictures of their grandkids. ๐Ÿ™‚

23. December 2004 · Comments Off on Caption Contest, 2, Winner(s) · Categories: General Nonsense

โ€œOf course, Iโ€™m only approximating the size of Senator Clintonโ€™s anklesโ€ฆโ€ by Confederate Yankee because it made me giggle like Scooby Doo and I really needed that this week.

Honorable mention to all the gang from IMAO who came over to play with “The Rumsfeld Strangler.” I didn’t know there were that many ways to spell, “Rarr.”

23. December 2004 · Comments Off on Eye Roll · Categories: General Nonsense

I received a link to a website rant written by an rather, er, ummm, (it’s the Christmas Season and I’m trying to be chairitable here) hyperbolic individual from non-domestic northern climes. I know he looks at the site, why else would he send me the link right after my last post? Well, guess what dude? Amateurs like yourself ain’t worth my time. No linkage, no retort, not even a copy of our home game.

Oh, and have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!
(That’ll really piss him off.)

23. December 2004 · Comments Off on Have You Been Kringled? · Categories: General Nonsense

There’s an odd phenomenon sweeping through our housing area. At first it just started with a sign here, there, on neighbors’ glass doors and front windows…then it happened…it was our turn. We’d been Kringled. They got us.

How does one get Kringled? You get Kringled when you come home from your shopping or your working or your running around and find a gift bag at your door. You look in the back and there are two pieces of paper sitting atop a mound of tinsel which is hiding a variety of small treats, cookies, a coffee mug filled with chocolates, maybe a white chocolate pretzel or two.

One piece of paper has a colorful inkjet Christmas Scene with the words, “We’ve been Kringled!” on it. The second piece of paper has something like these instructions:

You’ve been Kringled!

Now it’s your turn to have some fun. Either make copies or print your own set of instructions and sign. Put your sign in the window so you don’t get Kringled twice. Get yourself two gift bags like the one you received and add goodies and treats and perhaps a small gift or two. Don’t forget their copy of the sign and this letter. The total cost per bag should not exceed $10.00. When no one is home or you’re sure they’re not looking, leave one bag at the door of a friend, and then one bag at the door of a complete stranger. Be sneaky. The point is to do something for someone else and not get caught. Merry Christmas!!!

And yes, being an old grumpy MSgt makes me shiver a bit at the thought of anonymous gift bags simply left at the front doors of base housing. But that may be part of the point too. My first gut reaction was to call EOD, and then it turned into, “Damn…gotta come up with another 20 bucks.” and then luckily, Beautiful Wife got her mischief smile on and she took care of it thus saving the spirit of the whole thing. There’s lots of reasons why I married the woman…she’s not just a good cook.

We got hit on Saturday. Beautiful Wife got her two on Sunday.

And now driving through housing you see little colorful signs on almost all of the doors with snowmen and angels and Santas and elves with the words, “We’ve Been Kringled!” on them. I’m starting my own two bags to carry in my trunk. There are a couple of houses on our street without signs…can’t have that.

23. December 2004 · Comments Off on More Full Throttle Nonsense · Categories: General Nonsense, That's Entertainment!

Again I am watching the History Channel’s Full Throttle. An tonight’s projects are ’67 VW Beatles. At least they are doing the right thig, by changing out the stock 1500’s with pro-built 2165’s with dual Webers and 5 speeds. But ack! the idiots are pulling out the engines seperate from the transmissions! Does this generation (actually, one team is my age) not even know how to wrench a Beatle? You pull the engine and trans as a unit, idiots. With the time you save, you could fit a nitrous kit.

Well, at least the retrospectives are amusing.

Ack! another error! some idiot has just said the VW Beatle is the most popular car ever built – wrong! the 21+ million production of the Beatle is surpassed by the Toyota Corolla.

22. December 2004 · Comments Off on Random Notes and Things Almost Forgotten, Iteration the First · Categories: General Nonsense

Interview with Shirt today about becoming a shirt. Suck in that gut and…okay…another coat of polish on the boots but that’s it…let’s not be anal about this.

UPDATE: No First Shirt slot until medical stuff straightened out and gut gets a more permanent redux. One of the things I hate about getting back in shape…I slim from out in, the gut is always the last to shrink and/or define.

I wonder if guys should use Preparation H for under their eyes in situations like these because I didn’t sleep much last night. No, no, that would just be wrong on so many levels.

I should erase that…nah…give someone a snicker this morning.

I’m gift-wrapping challenged. As in, everytime I touch wrapping paper and tape, something ugly and unattractive appears. No, seriously, I failed cut and paste in kindergarten ‘k? Don’t even think of asking me to wrap presents. Beautiful Wife handles that. So…how does Beautiful Wife get her presents wrapped for her? God BLESS the folks who make those lovely bags made of heavy wrapping paper. Present goes in bottom, a little crepe paper bunched on top and you have a semi-sort-of wrapped present that looks just fine under the tree.

Passed my PT test last week with a 75 which is considered “good.” And good is good. Because of funky leg thing had to use the bike for the aerobics portion and failed it miserably the first time because my heart rate never broke 133 which is my targe heart rate. I’ve never been so proud of a failure in my life. Did fine when one of the certified trainers was able to crank up the tension on it. Heart rate never broke 128 on that one…hehehe. And yeah, I could have squeezed out a couple more crunches for a higher score there, but let’s save lots of room for improvement next year shall we? We’re not getting younger.

“Body Sculpting” would be less painful if she just chiseled the fat from me instead of making a 10 pound dumbbell feel like it weighs a ton. I’m not complaining…my guns are coming back…not the 18 inchers they were 10 years ago but still…gonna need some tank tops this summer.

Is it just me or does everyone feel a little bit better about everyone they see at the gym?

I refuse to call a gym a Health and Wellness Center just as I refuse to call a Chow Hall an Aerospace Dining Facility. Aren’t the people who started that nonsense retired yet?

Remember the good ol’ days when only Lieutenants reminded you of overly energetic puppies?

Ever have one of those FNG Majors who just came out of AETC and really thinks that we should be trying to actually get some WORK done the week before Christmas? Good news is, the Navy Commander just looks at him funny. Bad news is, the Commander makes me deal with him. “Deal with the Major, Aye sir…can I just stuff him—Carrying on sir, no details as to how I deal with him, Aye.”

How the hell am I ever going to go back to a regular Air Force unit with all this Joint Jargon in my head? Aye this, huah that, semper gumby??? How the hell do you explain semper gumby? That’s a post in itself.

Note to self, you’re rambling, end it.

21. December 2004 · Comments Off on Rudolph’s Inner Child · Categories: General Nonsense

Rudgun

21. December 2004 · Comments Off on Caption Contest, The Second · Categories: General Nonsense


Winners Thursday Night…let’s leave Christmas Eve out of the nonsense shall we?

20. December 2004 · Comments Off on Legal Advice Needed · Categories: General Nonsense

Some have accused me of being a shill for the Republicans, as I routinely refer to the Democrats as the Jackass Party, while I have no such derogation for the GOP. So, do you suppose that if I began referring to the Republicans as the Dumbo Party, I would risk a lawsuit from Disney? ๐Ÿ™‚

17. December 2004 · Comments Off on Tickity Tock · Categories: General Nonsense

You’ve got about ohhhh, 9 hours or so to get your last licks in on the Caption Contest.

17. December 2004 · Comments Off on Fear and Self-Loathing in The Funnies · Categories: General Nonsense

At some point during the day I’ll surf around and read various comic strips and if I have extra time, I’ll dive a little deeper into the sites to see what else is going on. The recent version of The Dilbert Newsletter, subtitled, “The Official Newsletter of Dogbert’s Ruling Class” caught my eye. It’s got some funny office humor, my favorite being the Induhvidual (sic) Quotes.

This edition also has the Annual Weasel Poll. The winners for the Politician and Country may or may not suprise you. When exactly did it become cool to hate yourself? I know folks from other countries read Dilbert, but I’m guessing most of the votes came from the good ol’ USA.

Note to self: Start smacking anyone you hear badmouthing the country. Nothing that rises to the level of assault, just the good ol’ parental flick on the back of the head like Mom used to do when we were acting the fool in church.

14. December 2004 · Comments Off on Caption Contest, The First · Categories: General Nonsense

Krampusse

Winners Friday Night.

09. December 2004 · Comments Off on Oh G_d, How Lame! · Categories: General Nonsense

I’m just now watching the lamest of lame TV makeover shows: the History Channel’s Full Throttle. The current project is “Pacer vs. Gremlin.” Oh G_d, give me a break. For starters, they are talking about how the Pacer was supposed to have a “wonk-el” rotary engine. Secondly, they are ignoring the key to AMC speed – interchangeability.. You don’t nitrous the 6 cylinder in your Gremlin, you drop in a 390/401. What idiots.

On my Fu_king G_d. This is an insult to drag racers everywhere. They’ve got them running ET brackets. Everybody knows you don’t dial-in based upon just one or two runs. And they’ve got one car running in the high 18’s, the other in the low 20’s. Why did they even bother with the nitrous?

Lame – very, very lame.

Update: They’ve followed this up with an episode on limos. I have no issue with their reporting here. Some of my best friends have worked for Krystal and Ultra. My question is with the whole logic of the ultra-stretch limo in the first place. Why not indulge yourself in real luxury, and get a party-bus? Limos are bunk.

07. December 2004 · Comments Off on Of Course! · Categories: General Nonsense

I’m not a regular watcher of CNBC’s Bob McEnroe Show. But tonight, in an interview with Playboy Playmate Cara Wakelin, he hit on a very prescient point: If Congress moves against athletes who take steroids, and other performance enhancing drugs, thereby “cheating”, shouldn’t they also move against women who get silicone breast implants?

The thought boggles the mind.

05. December 2004 · Comments Off on Word of the Day, 5 Dec 2004 · Categories: General Nonsense

Defenestration: The act of throwing something or someone out a window, particularly someone who deserves it.

Because I keep seeing it around the web and I’ve had to look it up four times because I always see it first thing in the morning before my coffee.

05. December 2004 · Comments Off on Wow, I Got My First Farsi-Spam · Categories: General Nonsense

Perhaps someone can translate?

I can provide it in email format, if you wish. ๐Ÿ™‚

04. December 2004 · Comments Off on Confession Time · Categories: General Nonsense

Boyo is down with an ear infection and fever. Beautiful Wife took care of him all day so she’s out with the girls tonight. The various contests and caption contests going on around the blogoshpere…or whatever ya call it got me thinking we need some soul dumping…a cleansing as it were.

First of all, what song or artist from the 70s, 80s, 90s whenever you were in high school, were you into WAY before they got popular?

And…this is where the confession comes in…what song or artist did you just LOVE that no one else you hung out with could stand?

I’ll start.

I had “Born to Run” and “Greetings from Asbury Park New Jersey” long before anyone in my school had even heard of Springsteen.

Confession: Dave Mason, “We Just Disagree.” Okay…okay…and I was really into Neil Diamond’s lyrics before I found out my Mom loved him…happy now?!

Have at it.

03. December 2004 · Comments Off on Michelle’s “Lump of Coal” Campaign · Categories: General, General Nonsense, Stupidity

Michelle Malkin (and others) reports on Denver’s decision not to allow a church group in its “Parade of Lights” this “holiday season” (in years past, this would have been known as a CHRISTMAS PARADE!!!!). Might offend, you know.

Michelle writes:

I am hereby launching the Lump of Coal campaign. Later today, I will box up a lump of charcoal, mark the package “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” and send it to the Denver Mayor in protest of his idiotic policy. Please join me in doing the same (and if you take a photo of your creatively designed package, I will link/post).

The Mayor’s address is at Michelle’s website.

–Update:
A closer reading of the DenverChannel article makes me want to post a couple of clarifications:

  1. It’s not the mayor who is keeping the group from participating, it’s the parade “organizers.” I guess Michelle is doing this lump of coal thing because of the mayor’s decision (since rescinded) to replace “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Holidays” on the city building (maybe on a banner?).
  2. This decision to ban this group appears to be consistent with policy from years past in Denver:

    “Our policy, which we have applied consistently for years, is to not include religious or political messages in the parade –in the interest of not excluding any group,” said Jim Basey, the president of the Downtown Denver Partnership.

    Orwell is spinning in his grave! “We won’t include because we don’t want to exclude.”

Anyway, maybe it’s premature to send the lumps of coal. Or maybe the mayor is the wrong gift recipient. Or maybe we can let the good people of Denver (there must be a few sane ones) deal with this.

… or maybe it’s time for me to go to bed.

— one more update (before going to bed):
I decided to change the title: Was previously “Send a Lump of Coal to Denver’s Mayor” — I guess I’m not on that bandwagon anymore. Sorry , Michelle.

01. December 2004 · Comments Off on Rucking Rassrole · Categories: General Nonsense

JINKIES!
Keyboard and screen warning elevated. “Heh” factor high.

Via Protein Wisdom.